superheroes

http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-should-kids-be-punished-for-playing-superheroes
Moms Talk: Should Kids Be Punished For Playing Superheroes?

Our panel discusses whether some school rules hinder imaginative play.

By Gerry Lavin | Email the author | February 23, 2011
10 Comments


My son got in trouble on the school playground this week. He was sent home with instructions to write a note of apology to the teacher who reprimanded him. He was cited for three offenses: 1) running on the play structure; 2) not listening to the teacher who told him to stop what he was doing; 3) gun play.

We had a long discussion about the incident that night. He understood he was wrong in needing to be told more than once to stop running on the play structure. We talked about respect for what teachers say and respect for the rules. He understood he needs to be a better listener. He doesn’t understand why he’s not allowed to play superheroes with his friends.

“You’re just not allowed to pretend to shoot guns,” I said. “No fighting, no weapons at school, not even if you’re pretending.”

No gun play. This is a districtwide policy, according to his teacher. I haven’t actually seen it in writing anywhere so I’m not sure if that’s the official term. I haven’t, in fact, seen any written rules about recess, but I’m trying to support my son’s teacher and I’m trying to respect the rules of the school.

This country has seen too many violent instances of students taking aim at other students, literally. Students have been found with knives and guns at school. No good can ever come of it. I’m glad it’s against the law. I’m glad there are rules in place to punish the students who bring weapons to school. I get it.

But punishing 6-year-olds for pretending to be superheroes? I don’t get it.

I’ve always been fascinated by my son’s boundless imagination. Beginning at the age of 2 1/2, my son was obsessed with make believe. He’d act out scenes of grand proportion and develop characters out loud who came from places I didn’t even know he knew about. Play structures were pirate ships and slides were entrances to dark tunnels and pits of fire.

There were always bad guys about and he was always the hero who saved the day.

His room was filled with props and dress-up clothes for everything from knights in shining armor to pirates to safari detectives. When my son was 4 years old, a dear friend gifted my son with two simple capes, a red one with an S on it and a black one with the shape of a bat on it. The capes became possibly the two best and most used “toys” my son ever received.

I believe imaginative play is a good thing, a healthy indication of a strong mind and a creative tool for young children to explore the world around them with confidence. I encourage it in my son to the extent that I can, acknowledging the presence of his imaginary friends, and allowing them to come along on our journeys each day as long as they, too, obey our rules and show good behavior, which they almost always do.

There are certain things, however, I have no control over and that is the essential elements of some of these characters. Pirates are bad guys who steal. They fight each other with guns and knives and swords. They have bad manners. Knights in shining armor carry swords. They fight each other with those swords. Batman is always fighting bad guys. He fights them off with batarangs and motorcycles with major ammunition loaded into the engines.

I can’t help but feel like a traitor to my son when I squelch his favorite games. By telling him to amend his superheroes to anything but weapons I feel like I’m stifling the very essence of his imagination. So is this where it ends? Imaginative play is good in all its forms until children enter elementary school? Hands are considered weapons if modeled in a certain context and therefore they should be punished for it? I’m having a hard time with this school rule and I’ve only just entered first grade.

Contributor Wendy Smith writes:

I fondly remember my son's adoration for "Toy Story" when he was 2. He would hold out his finger or a stick, transforming it into a imaginary gun, and shout "reach for the sky!" For a short while he would become Woody, the high-ridin'-est, rootin'-tootin'-est cowboy hero of all time.

Within a few years, he became enthralled with superheroes. We owned Spiderman, Batman, Superman and Power Ranger costumes. It wasn't unusual to see him scootering with a cape flying behind him on our walks in the morning. He claimed he was the defender of all that was good fighting against evil.

Today, my son is a "Star Wars" enthusiast. We must own a half dozen lightsabers. I hear often of the secret battles between his Jedi friends and himself, a member of "the Dark Side," during recess.

"Why are the battles secret?" I asked him one afternoon.

"Well, we're really not supposed to pretend fight. It's against the school rules," he explained to me.

I've heard many complaints from my children about all the rules that seem to be imposed on them during school hours. However, I find it interesting that even in the little bit of playtime the children actually get, which amounts to less than 45 minutes a day, they are restricted in their imaginative play.

I am confident my son would never harm one of his buddies intentionally nor am I concerned that he will grow up to become a violent individual because of his passion for defeating the Jedi warriors who roam his schoolyard. On the contrary, I believe that through imaginary play he learns to develop important social skills that cannot be taught from a textbook. He learns the ability to recognize social cues, to problem solve, the boundaries in which respecting another lie and the basic grounds for companionship.

Imagination allows self expression and creativity. Learning these important tools early in life increases a child's self-worth. To stifle children's imaginative play by reprimanding them teaches them to repress their creativity. It instills in them an apprehension about expressing their thoughts for fear of being berated.

As a parent, it is a double-edged sword. On one hand, I want my son to respect his adult mentors. On the other hand, I don't always agree with the guidelines they set for him. However, no one will ever parent my son the way I want him to be parented.

Six and a half hours a day, my children are raised by "parents" who don't adhere to all of my values. But isn't that a basic lesson in life? My children will one day grow up and work under employers who may not hold the same ideals as they do. They may live next door to people who conflict with their belief systems. But those people will not define who my children are or will become.

When my son comes home complaining that the yard duty has so many rules, I remind him that school is his job and at work we have to follow rules. But I encourage him not to let the rules, the teachers, the yard duty or administrators change who he is or what he loves. So while my son may not be allowed to bring down the Jedi forces at school under the watchful eyes of the yard duty, the force is always with him at home.

Another Moms Talk contributor, Deborah May, says:

I am very much in favor of strict gun-control laws, but I have to admit we have all let this go too far when 6-year0olds with “finger guns” are seen as a problem—though I do see why anything that could be confused for a real weapon is strictly banned.

First of all, rules that seek to eliminate the word “gun” from a child’s vocabulary are contrary to human nature. Kids love to play games that involve pretend weapons, and every child I know is allowed to do so at home—in the form of dress up, video games, Nerf guns, etc.

Second, while we can all agree that stressed teens shooting up schoolyards is beyond horrible, I do not believe that removing pretend weapon play at young ages will prevent those types of tragedies from occurring. (What might help is providing early intervention and counseling to troubled youth and their families.)

My guess is that these zero-tolerance policies are not intended to prevent incidents, but to provide legal cover should a lawsuit arise. Such policies may even be required by insurers. As a taxpayer, I feel otherwise ineffective rules are worth lower insurance rates. As a parent, I will support the school's policies. But, it is frustrating that so much administrative attention—and thus school funds—focus on these types of rules when our educational system is so desperate for resources.

Kathleen Schoening, a contributor to Moms Talk, adds:

No guns or gunplay at school is a must. That starts at the preschool level. Guns have a place and it is not in the school. No exceptions. Respect is also a must.

No imaginative play of superheroes at school? I would want to see that written school policy.

I think of when I was younger and of my first superhero. The person was not from the pages of a magazine but from the big screen.

It was John Wayne. John Wayne was bigger than life (no, I am not that old). John Wayne rode into town on his horse, carrying a gun to save the town from a bank robber or a purse snatcher. He was a hero not only as an actor but also as an activist. Jimmy Carter said of John Wayne, "It was because of what John Wayne said about what we are and what we can be that his great and deep love of America can be returned in full measure."

John Wayne was a superhero to many.

Not only is imaginative play of superheroes extremely important to a child’s development, it helps us educate them about what superheroes truly are. Superheroes can be real lessons on history and the individuals in our history who impact our world.

Now, if my daughter wanted to play superheroes at school and wanted to play John Wayne or Amelia Earhart and the school wanted to write her up, I think we would have a sit down with the school. School policy or not.

Volunteer jobs

http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-how-much-volunteering-is-enough
Moms Talk: How Much Volunteering is Enough?

Volunteer jobs can be both energizing and fatiguing for moms.

By Cameron Sullivan | Email the author | February 9, 2011
11 Comments


Each Wednesday, Patch will publish a column called Moms Talk where our panel of mom experts will pose a question and give answers and advice on a topic.

It was December of 2007. I’d decided to increase my work hours and was enjoying new intellectual stimulation and income. But by 3 p.m. daily, I was so frazzled I had to hide in a corner secretly consuming dark chocolate just to survive homework time. At night, I slept poorly.

Taking stock, I realized that volunteer efforts for schools and organizations my children belonged to interfered with the aspect of life I held most sacred: Quality family time.

From newsletter production and sponsor solicitation to in-class writing lessons for first graders, creative work for a proposed museum, and writing workshops for elementary school GATE kids (which my kids didn’t attend), I was contributing more than a healthy amount.

Soon I stopped any volunteer work that consumed more than two hours of personal time per week. I worried that fellow moms were surprised or disappointed. When I returned to some volunteer work in September of 2008, I stuck to projects needing skills I could offer uniquely, jobs that invigorated– not drained – me.

The result is a more balanced mom who knows when to speak up if optional work gets overwhelming. Now is the time of year when boards of directors are looking to recruit new volunteers for 2011 or for the next academic year.

How do you decide what kind of volunteer work to do, and how much time you’re willing to give? Should some moms volunteer more or less than other moms, and why? How do you manage volunteer fatigue?

Another Mom's Council contributor, Kathleen Schoening says:

I love the question. Why? Because I think there is a careful balance of volunteering in your children’s life and letting your children’s life become yours.

There is a group of us where our kids attend the same coop preschool and go to many of the same kids activities. My husband and I have had the privilege of getting to know the instructors, the parents and the children.

We volunteer our time because we want our daughter to know we are there to support her in life. However, when volunteering in the classroom or other activities, sometimes you see things that as a parent your heart drops but as a volunteer your role in that situation includes not only your child but all involved and you have to step back.

So maybe your kid is pushed, maybe he is picked last for the game or maybe there is a verbal dispute. You have to be keep yourself in check and realize life happens when you are not there. Also and just as important, is how you react as a volunteer demonstrates to your child life lessons.

We try and keep ourselves in careful balance because as volunteers we know more because we are there; we experience more because we are there.

It is a balance. It is something to be honest with as a parent and as a volunteer I sometimes struggle with. If you find yourself volunteering in all your children’s activities, has your child’s life become yours?

Patch Mom Council contributor, Gerry Gaisser writes:

I think a lot of us learn the hard way that there's a line that can be easily crossed when it comes to volunteering too much time at our children's schools. As Cameron points out, if you don't learn how to say no early, a few hours of volunteer time can turn into a full-time job if you let it.

I have two rules of thumb for volunteering at my child's school. Number one, I want to know what I'm actually signing up for. Before I put myself on yet another committee, I talk to current members of the committee to find out how work is allocated among the group and try to get a reasonable estimation of time involved. It helps to know other moms who may volunteer with you on projects so you have people you can depend on.

Number two, I do it because I want to and because I want to get involved or give back to the school community in some way. I believe in volunteering at our schools. I believe the more we get involved as parents, the better our understanding is of our own educational system, and the better our educational system gets with parents who care.

I also believe volunteering sends the right message to our kids, that we're an integral part of their education and that we care about what they do on a day to day basis. That said, I think all moms should make an effort to volunteer when they can. I think throughout the school year it's possible for everyone to take a turn at lending a hand at some point, whether it be working in a child's classroom, escorting on a field trip, or helping out at Bingo night.

But by all means, whatever you do, avoid the biggest no-no in volunteering. Don't sign up for something and then bail on doing it when the time comes. That's just awful.

Deborah May, a contributor to Patch's Mom Council, says:

I try to spend my volunteer time doing things that I highly value. With three elementary age children my focus now is volunteering at school, but even then there are more opportunities than time. I try to avoid things that don’t directly impact the quality of education, because that is important to me personally and I know I won’t resent the time and effort I spend.

I also try to ask myself, “Am I helping the teachers?” With the increasing class sizes teachers are busier than ever and rely heavily on parent involvement. Those two points keep me focused and help me determine what I should say "no" to.

Should some moms volunteer more than others? While each person has different resources — time, energy, and talent — nearly everyone has something to contribute. Stay-at-home moms do much of the volunteering, and I do believe that working parents should do more, but not just moms — dads too!

Unfortunately, willing parents are not always sure how to get involved. Volunteer coordinators could do a better job of reaching out beyond their traditional groups and structuring opportunities so working parents can participate.
How do you manage to balance your volunteer work with other demands? Tell us in the comments.

Cancer 2 years later

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Cancer. My husband has B-cell lymophoma. He is almost 42 years old and we have an almost three year old daughter. How did cancer get into the equation? We went from trying to having another child to this. From infertility treatment to a bone biopsy in a blink of an eye (before starting chemo, we will be banking sperm for a later use God willing).

Someone mentioned to me that people are in our corner. I, we, are not cowered in a corner, but are on the front lines in God's hands. I have said that cancer is a part of our lives but will not be our lives. We are young and strong. Clark's cancer has a survival rate of 70-80%. These are good odds.

The doctors said that it will get worse before it gets better so we know it will be a bumpy road but we know crisis management (after all both of us worked in the banking industry for years).

This travel will not be pretty but it will be our journey on getting Clark well.

I read those words now as tears spill down my face. So many of you know only part of the story. How I knew Clark had cancer for a week before it was confirmed. Clark had had three biopsy's, essentially three surgeries. At one of the biopsy's, the surgeon at Hayward Kaiser said to me over gurney that Clark was on, "You know the only reason we are doing another biopsy is because we know he has cancer, we just want to know what kind."

I was stunned. I had no reason to doubt the surgeon and in fact out of everything that we had been told up until then it was the only thing that made sense. Of course, Clark had lost ability to move his arm almost completely and holding our child was out of the question. No doctor had said it before then and no one had prepared us. Eight months of so much and FINALLY we getting true answers.

Clark was awake on the gurney but did not really hear the conversation. I told him after but no one wants to hear they have cancer. In fact, we did not receive actual confirmation for a week that it was cancer.

What a journey of heaven and hell it has been. My husband was and is a true cancer soldier. No ones that journey of cancer until they have been given the boots to wear.

Nothing in life could have prepared me as a caregiver of a cancer patient and a mom of a young toddler at the same time. Nothing in life prepared me to wanting to take care of my husband and fighting at times what seemed an inept medical system. Like when Clark's chemo was going to be delayed, I raised every flag I could to get treatment sooner because his cancer was aggressive, his tumor was growing quite large. For me, time was ticking and cancer was killing my husband. I was not willing to let someone else stand in the line of Clark's treatment.

As a wife, that is what you do.

As a mom, I told Emma, Clark had cancer. It was like telling Emma, Clark had the flu. I did not and do not want Emma afraid of the word cancer and I did not want her with others and hear that Daddy had cancer. It was important she hear it from us and she knew it was going to be fine.

So now 2 years later, Clark is cancer free. I never knew the words I wrote back then would be so true "it will get worse before it gets better". Our life now is richer with love and time. Two things you can never have enough of.

Join us
Relay of Life of Livermore
American Cancer Society
Saturday, June 25, 2011 9 AM
Livermore High School
contact me for more information

Our girl hikes in heels

Those of you who know our daughter, knows she LOVES shoes. Emma loves heels in particular. So today when I told Emma pictures were going to taken on Daffodil Hill. Emma choose out her dress and of course her shoes. True classic Emma style, heels were the shoe of the day. There is no doubt this girl of ours can hike, climb a tree and get muddy all in heels!

A new oncologist...

so Clark went to schedule his check up appointment/blood work with his oncologist. The doctor who replied (promptly I might add) said Clark's oncologist is no longer available. I am not sure what that means in doctor speak.

Clark's new oncologist is one we both met with a few months back. She is smart, witty and we both LIKE her! A huge bonus and a prayer answered.

So prayers please as Clark in the next several weeks schedules his follow up stuff to make sure Chester and his cousins have not come back.

It will be 2 years ago this month he was first diagnosed. It seems so long ago and some days it feels like yesterday.

Homework and School

So when I was asked to voice my opinion on Moms Talk: Is There Too Much Homework? I was excited by the comments when I cross referenced the article to my personal Facebook apge.

To see the full article go to
http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-is-there-too-much-homework.

I do not have permission from the authors on my Facebook page to reprint their posts nor did I ask this time. I realized though I wanted to add a few comments of my own about homework and school. My comments are not meant to offend. My comments are for my family and might not work for yours.

1. First off stop blaming the schools if your child was not educated or not getting an education. Get involved and change the system. If you cannot change the system, change your perspective and move your child to a school where they will be educated. Or home-school. Or add educational tools to your child's life. You are their primary teacher from birth, take advantage and stop the blame. If your child is not educated it is truly your fault along with the schools.

2. Most teachers teach because they have a gift. I know many will disagree, but I think of all the teachers I had throughout the years and with the exception of a few, most wanted to be in a classroom and most wanted to have students learn. Give them a break.

3. Vote. Demand from our politicians that our education system needs an overhaul. Become part of the solution.

4. Work in the classroom. Work in the classroom. Work in the classroom. Become involved. Know the teachers, know the administrators, know the parents and the kids. If you work for a business, become a partner with your local school. Show them your best practices, teach them alongside the teachers.

5. Stop the blame. You are responsible for your child. Not the government, not the school and not the teachers. You are. If your child is not educated, what does that say about you?

Yes, I write this as Emma is about to only hit kindergarten. I am not an expert in all subjects taught in school in fact very few but I have family and friends who can assist where and if the school I feel is lacking.

Clark and I are Emma's primary teachers not the school. A revolutionary thought I think for some. Emma is not an island when going to school either. We, as her parents are her biggest supporters and will embrace her educational years alongside of her.


Here is my opinion from the article if you do not want to click on the link from above.

Contributor Kathleen Schoening says:

Recently, I attended the open house for those with children entering kindergarten in the Livermore school district in the fall. They highlighted the expectations of what the child should know: letters, numbers, colors, shapes, etc. For the class of 2024, it is called kindergarten ready.

Great, Bring it on. Also, bring on the homework. My child and many of her peers already know most of the kindergarten-ready information, so what will challenge them?

My child is no Einstein, but we as parents have read to her since birth. We have spell words and are working on numbers. Colors and shapes happen when playing games. All of those things also are reinforced at preschool and church.

We do not live in a district in which every school is top-rated but our immediate community neighborhoods schools are. We also placed our daughter’s name in for the public lottery for the Livermore charter school. Charter offers music, art and science but the community school offers well the community and there is much to be said about that in a pretty good rated school system.

We know families who are choosing to place their children in the dual immersion public language school program across town.

We want what is best for Emma and what is best for our family. Homework is part of the plan no what matter what school she is in. If she struggles, we will help her find out why. Schools make you work and the best part of working is learning and that is critical to education. School is not a daycare provider. Schools are a joint supplier of our future generations' minds. Let us, together with the teachers and administrators, create an environment that produces a child who loves to learn and that will build character and responsibility.

So bring on the academic rigors for our child. We as a family are ready for it. Here is to the class of 2024.

Facebook is not real life

I found myself writing that to a dear respected friend today. Facebook is the illusion of our lives in bits and pieces of what we choose to place as our status updates. We can create images of our days by our words.

I realize as I was writing to my friend that people think that Facebook is real life. Now, at times, I can see where people could confuse the two. However, Facebook can never let you feel the human touch of a hand or a hug. Facebook can never let you linger over a long lunch or dinner enjoying not only the morsels of food and drink but also the human company.

Facebook can give you an quick reaction and sometimes; sometimes that is what we all need. Maybe its a prayer request, maybe a congratulation or maybe its I am sorry for your loss.

Facebook can connect long forgotten friends and relatives.

Facebook may give us the immediate satisfaction but is not real life.

So go jump in a puddle, dive in a lake, canoe down a river, surf on the coast, your real life is not on Facebook.