Please take a minute to pray for Emmett, Wendy and Quinn. Emmet was recently diagnosed with carcinoma. We do not know Emmett. Some of their friends are our friends who ironically helped us during our journey of cancer. So if sometime in your busy day, take a moment and hug your partner and say a gentle whisper of soft prayer in their name. Thank you and much love.
Here is their website: http://emmetthascancer.blogspot.com/
The facebook page is: Team Emmett
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Being a Team-Livermore Moms Relay Team
I am being taught all the time different life lessons. I am a decent student of life and am relentless in learning. Right now I think I am being taught one of life's greatest lessons and that is to be on a team where everyone is focused on one goal and one goal only but in the meantime we are becoming a family, an extended family of sorts.
I am Team Captain of the Livermore Moms Relay for Life team. My team mates are showing me I am not carrying the responsibility of being Team Captain entirely on my shoulders. When there is a need, a thought, an execution against our plan, someone steps up and says "let me do that" or "I can handle that". Really while I might be the Team Captain it is all of us rowing the boat.
Our first meeting was a few weeks ago as a team (and with recommendations from a former classmate Teri) we started to create a plan and ideas flowed. While we talked, our children played together. We shared stories on why we were on the team, stories only that can be told when there is an intimacy in a relationship and when cancer is the common denominator, intimacy is not hard to find.
I am amazed every time there is a donation to our team. I had originally set our goal at $500, then when that goal was quickly achieved, I changed it to $1,000, then last week I had to set it at $1,500 and then tonight I set it at $2,000. In less than 2 months, we have almost quadrupled what the original goal was. My heart swells with joy. If we raised not another dime, it will not because we did not try. So look for upcoming information about Livermore Moms Relay for Life Team. It is only as a team (as individuals collectively), we have been able to achieve our first series of goals and it will be only as a Team that we will Relay against cancer on June 26th in Livermore.
I am Team Captain of the Livermore Moms Relay for Life team. My team mates are showing me I am not carrying the responsibility of being Team Captain entirely on my shoulders. When there is a need, a thought, an execution against our plan, someone steps up and says "let me do that" or "I can handle that". Really while I might be the Team Captain it is all of us rowing the boat.
Our first meeting was a few weeks ago as a team (and with recommendations from a former classmate Teri) we started to create a plan and ideas flowed. While we talked, our children played together. We shared stories on why we were on the team, stories only that can be told when there is an intimacy in a relationship and when cancer is the common denominator, intimacy is not hard to find.
I am amazed every time there is a donation to our team. I had originally set our goal at $500, then when that goal was quickly achieved, I changed it to $1,000, then last week I had to set it at $1,500 and then tonight I set it at $2,000. In less than 2 months, we have almost quadrupled what the original goal was. My heart swells with joy. If we raised not another dime, it will not because we did not try. So look for upcoming information about Livermore Moms Relay for Life Team. It is only as a team (as individuals collectively), we have been able to achieve our first series of goals and it will be only as a Team that we will Relay against cancer on June 26th in Livermore.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Pre and post cancer treatment
I was talking with a dear friend today and realized that pre and post cancer is similar to mourning a death. There are no better words for us. Clark and I were different people prior to his cancer. We have had to mourn the loss of who we were, what our marriage was and begin to celebrate of rebirth of ourselves. It sounds strange.
Cancer rocked our world when Clark was first diagnosed . We did not know how much time we had, how well the treatment would go (remembering Clark's white blood count went down to 1 at one point). Our life with cancer was shaken, stirred and turned upside down and in the middle of all we were trying to be parents to our beautiful child.
In the last few months I have become friends with other moms (one mom has 4 kids and her husband had NHL, one mom is a widow whose husband died when she was 6 months pregnant with their first child and today I heard of a 29 married man who has stage 4 carcinoma and has a young child). My heart breaks for each of these families because I know easily it could have been us but in reality it could have been anyone of us.
Our lives are different post cancer treatment. We could not go through what we went through to be bitter, but to be more forgiving and more loving. Our love is different, more gentle at times but more important there is understanding. Understanding we are not alone there will always be God.
While Cancer knows no bounds, has no limits and does not discriminate, there is God's Love. God's love knows no bounds, no limits, does not discriminate and more importantly was there before the cancer and will be there after. There will always be God's love.
Cancer rocked our world when Clark was first diagnosed . We did not know how much time we had, how well the treatment would go (remembering Clark's white blood count went down to 1 at one point). Our life with cancer was shaken, stirred and turned upside down and in the middle of all we were trying to be parents to our beautiful child.
In the last few months I have become friends with other moms (one mom has 4 kids and her husband had NHL, one mom is a widow whose husband died when she was 6 months pregnant with their first child and today I heard of a 29 married man who has stage 4 carcinoma and has a young child). My heart breaks for each of these families because I know easily it could have been us but in reality it could have been anyone of us.
Our lives are different post cancer treatment. We could not go through what we went through to be bitter, but to be more forgiving and more loving. Our love is different, more gentle at times but more important there is understanding. Understanding we are not alone there will always be God.
While Cancer knows no bounds, has no limits and does not discriminate, there is God's Love. God's love knows no bounds, no limits, does not discriminate and more importantly was there before the cancer and will be there after. There will always be God's love.
She will always be my little girl.
Just when I begin to think that Emma is getting bigger by the day, time stops for a minute and I realize, how small she still is. I know in my heart no matter what she will always be my little girl.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Same conversations but from different people in different places at different times this week…
When Clark was first diagnosed with cancer and during his treatment, we had to severely limit the amount of people coming and going into our home due to germs (no offense). Now that Clark is better, our front door has become the revolving door. The last few weeks have been a flurry of family and friends. Much bread has been broken at our kitchen table (even if it was of the pizza variety) and water was had (if indeed it might have been wine).
But we seem to been hearing the same conversations, not only here, but with different people in different places at different times.
It really comes down to a few phases and they are:
· Not in my backyard
· Cliques within (insert the name of some organization).
Not in my backyard or NIMBY. This is something I am familiar with and something I understand. A few years ago the City of Livermore was thinking about redevelopment of the Springtown Golf Course and my neighbors (and I) fought against for a variety of different reasons. It really came down to us saying “not in our backyard” and “not in my neighborhood”.
Currently there has been a controversy over a religious organization expanding their existing building in North Livermore. Many neighbors felt that the City and the Planning Commission had already made their approval before the meeting this week with the public.
It begs the question how far are you willing to go say “not in my backyard” and “not in my neighborhood”. It will be interesting to see where this all end because I think the battle has just only begun.
Now the second is just as important, and that is a clique within (insert the name of some organization).
Sadly, both Clark and I have heard from different people in different places at different times this week about cliques in an organization that we belong and frequent on a regular basis. This organization is awesome but one of the downfalls is the “cliques” (and to be honest it is more prevalent with the women).
In fact, there seems a huge difference on how men are welcomed into the group and how women are. It almost seems that if you are a woman, your introduction by others, per se to the group, is your path (good, bad or indifferent) to a clique but the men welcome each new member as a group.
So I ask? What cliques are in your organizations? Are they a hindrance, a hazard or help?
This are some of the conversations we have had with different people in different places at different times this week.
But we seem to been hearing the same conversations, not only here, but with different people in different places at different times.
It really comes down to a few phases and they are:
· Not in my backyard
· Cliques within (insert the name of some organization).
Not in my backyard or NIMBY. This is something I am familiar with and something I understand. A few years ago the City of Livermore was thinking about redevelopment of the Springtown Golf Course and my neighbors (and I) fought against for a variety of different reasons. It really came down to us saying “not in our backyard” and “not in my neighborhood”.
Currently there has been a controversy over a religious organization expanding their existing building in North Livermore. Many neighbors felt that the City and the Planning Commission had already made their approval before the meeting this week with the public.
It begs the question how far are you willing to go say “not in my backyard” and “not in my neighborhood”. It will be interesting to see where this all end because I think the battle has just only begun.
Now the second is just as important, and that is a clique within (insert the name of some organization).
Sadly, both Clark and I have heard from different people in different places at different times this week about cliques in an organization that we belong and frequent on a regular basis. This organization is awesome but one of the downfalls is the “cliques” (and to be honest it is more prevalent with the women).
In fact, there seems a huge difference on how men are welcomed into the group and how women are. It almost seems that if you are a woman, your introduction by others, per se to the group, is your path (good, bad or indifferent) to a clique but the men welcome each new member as a group.
So I ask? What cliques are in your organizations? Are they a hindrance, a hazard or help?
This are some of the conversations we have had with different people in different places at different times this week.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
A lesson to be learned
I recently was reading the Independent (can I just say I love local news) dated February 11, 2010. One of the articles was about Open Heart Kitchen temporary moving to Holy Cross Lutheran Church for Tuesday and Wednesday meals while their current digs are being renovated.
First I thought, thank God, Open Heart Kitchen did not have to close and Holy Cross is able to fill their needs while the work is being done. For those of you who do not know as listed on Open Heart's Kitchen's website "Our guests come from all walks of life. Some are homeless, but unlike many urban “soup kitchens” Open Heart Kitchen guests are mostly the working poor. Many are low income seniors on a fixed income, single-parent families, and multi-generational families all struggling to make ends meet. At Open Heart Kitchen they find a free healthy meal in an environment that upholds their dignity. Open Heart Kitchen fulfills the most basic need of hunger in a dignified manner through 3 meal program."
What a fantastic organization. It says in the paper that 181,000 meals were fed to the needy in the Tri-Valley last year. If you break it down in real terms that means that every citizen in Livermore (with a population of approximately 80,000) could have been fed at least 2 meals in the last year. In hard economic times, that is impressive.
To have Holy Cross open it's doors for the Tuesday and Wednesday meals only is incredible. I am not a member of Holy Cross but know several individuals who attend there and also know several parents whose children attend school there.
I can think of no better lesson to be learned by children then to show them the love of Jesus through prayer, words and action and how to be proactive leaders in our community where the need for Open Heart Kitchen is so dire.
So thank you Holy Cross. There is a lesson to be learned.
First I thought, thank God, Open Heart Kitchen did not have to close and Holy Cross is able to fill their needs while the work is being done. For those of you who do not know as listed on Open Heart's Kitchen's website "Our guests come from all walks of life. Some are homeless, but unlike many urban “soup kitchens” Open Heart Kitchen guests are mostly the working poor. Many are low income seniors on a fixed income, single-parent families, and multi-generational families all struggling to make ends meet. At Open Heart Kitchen they find a free healthy meal in an environment that upholds their dignity. Open Heart Kitchen fulfills the most basic need of hunger in a dignified manner through 3 meal program."
What a fantastic organization. It says in the paper that 181,000 meals were fed to the needy in the Tri-Valley last year. If you break it down in real terms that means that every citizen in Livermore (with a population of approximately 80,000) could have been fed at least 2 meals in the last year. In hard economic times, that is impressive.
To have Holy Cross open it's doors for the Tuesday and Wednesday meals only is incredible. I am not a member of Holy Cross but know several individuals who attend there and also know several parents whose children attend school there.
I can think of no better lesson to be learned by children then to show them the love of Jesus through prayer, words and action and how to be proactive leaders in our community where the need for Open Heart Kitchen is so dire.
So thank you Holy Cross. There is a lesson to be learned.
Friday, February 12, 2010
As you celebrate Valentine's Day...
It’s me! As you celebrate Valentine's Day with your loved one this season, give them an extra hug and kiss. Last year, my husband Clark was very ill. He had lost almost complete movement in his left arm due to a tumor. At that time we did not know it was cancer.
Since that time, we have fought as a family to ensure his health and get rid of his cancer. His doctor said he will not consider Clark "in remission" until he is cancer free for 5 years. For now we count the days until that time and celebrate everyday as if it were Valentines!
As you know, I’ve made a commitment this year to help save lives from cancer by taking part in the American Cancer Society Relay For Life®.
It's amazing to think that millions of people will be diagnosed with cancer this year. Somebody close to us may be one of them. That's why I'm asking again for your support – I want to make sure that anyone who wants to join me in making a difference has the opportunity to do so. The American Cancer Society has already helped save millions of lives from cancer. If we work together, we have a chance to save even more.
Thank you in advance – I truly appreciate your support.
Love always and many blessings,
Kathleen Schoening
Click here to visit my personal page.
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10CA?px=12093957&pg=personal&fr_id=20441&fl=en_US&et=tgYPVPaavlsC6QLcUxHNOw..&s_tafId=407879
Click here to view the team page for Livermore Moms
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10CA?team_id=590416&pg=team&fr_id=20441&fl=en_US&et=axR2ZJLw6Y7g6TRzbhTh4Q..&s_tafId=407879
Since that time, we have fought as a family to ensure his health and get rid of his cancer. His doctor said he will not consider Clark "in remission" until he is cancer free for 5 years. For now we count the days until that time and celebrate everyday as if it were Valentines!
As you know, I’ve made a commitment this year to help save lives from cancer by taking part in the American Cancer Society Relay For Life®.
It's amazing to think that millions of people will be diagnosed with cancer this year. Somebody close to us may be one of them. That's why I'm asking again for your support – I want to make sure that anyone who wants to join me in making a difference has the opportunity to do so. The American Cancer Society has already helped save millions of lives from cancer. If we work together, we have a chance to save even more.
Thank you in advance – I truly appreciate your support.
Love always and many blessings,
Kathleen Schoening
Click here to visit my personal page.
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10CA?px=12093957&pg=personal&fr_id=20441&fl=en_US&et=tgYPVPaavlsC6QLcUxHNOw..&s_tafId=407879
Click here to view the team page for Livermore Moms
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10CA?team_id=590416&pg=team&fr_id=20441&fl=en_US&et=axR2ZJLw6Y7g6TRzbhTh4Q..&s_tafId=407879
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The News from Oncology
Clark saw his oncologist tonight (his appointment was at 4:30pm and at 5:50 pm Clark still had not seen him-one of my issues with the oncologist).
Clark's report is good. He has a PET scan in June and that is when he will see his ocolognist again. HOWEVER, he is not considered "in remission" until he completely cancer free for 5 years. The doctor was not sure if the "spot" was scar tissue but there was nothing new and the blood tests are consistent with that. The PET scan in June should detect anything abnormal.
Clark's immune system will be comprised due to the chemo and radiation for months and possibly years. Which sucks when you have a three year old, who as Papa calls a "germ fest."
I keep thinking to myself 5 years is a long time. Emma will be 8 years old and we will at that point be married 18 years. It is 1,825 days or 43,800 hours. It is a long time. A long time that I will have to lean on God and pray that someday we can say that "Clark is remission".
Clark's report is good. He has a PET scan in June and that is when he will see his ocolognist again. HOWEVER, he is not considered "in remission" until he completely cancer free for 5 years. The doctor was not sure if the "spot" was scar tissue but there was nothing new and the blood tests are consistent with that. The PET scan in June should detect anything abnormal.
Clark's immune system will be comprised due to the chemo and radiation for months and possibly years. Which sucks when you have a three year old, who as Papa calls a "germ fest."
I keep thinking to myself 5 years is a long time. Emma will be 8 years old and we will at that point be married 18 years. It is 1,825 days or 43,800 hours. It is a long time. A long time that I will have to lean on God and pray that someday we can say that "Clark is remission".
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Where have all the jelly beans gone?
Crazy question I know. However, recently I have had an odd obsession with jelly beans. In fact, at times I have craved, dare I say, jelly beans over chocolate (and I am sorry but jelly bellies and spiced drops are not the same at all!).
This is a new phenomenon in our house. With this new phenomenon, has come some great heartache of trying to find jelly beans in the store. Both Clark and I have searched high and low for jelly beans in our surrounding stores.
Jelly beans have seemed to have all disappeared which makes me what them more. I am now a jelly bean addict since I want what is limited or cannot be found.
I am not sure if stores clear out jelly beans and then mass sell them at Easter? Or perhaps it is because our sitting President is not Ronald Reagan who loved, loved jelly beans.
"Reagan started eating jelly beans when he gave up smoking in the early 1960's. On his first day as governor of California, candymaker Henry Rowland gave Reagan a big jar of jelly beans, which Reagan put on the Cabinet Room table. That was the beginning of a long tradition of passing out jelly beans during Cabinet meetings. "We can hardly start a meeting or make a decision without passing around the jar of jelly beans," he told Rowland.
Reagan also once said that, "You can tell a lot about a fella's character by whether he picks out all of one color or just grabs a handful." Sometime later he remarked, "Some political figures have endured in history as lions or conquerors or something equally impressive. It's a little frightening to think California history might record us as jelly beans."
Now I am not sure of what color of jelly bean is my favorite or what that indicates of my character. I will have to think about red, green, black, white, yellow, orange, purple and all the other colors mean.
I just wish there were more and I wonder where all the jelly beans have gone?
This is a new phenomenon in our house. With this new phenomenon, has come some great heartache of trying to find jelly beans in the store. Both Clark and I have searched high and low for jelly beans in our surrounding stores.
Jelly beans have seemed to have all disappeared which makes me what them more. I am now a jelly bean addict since I want what is limited or cannot be found.
I am not sure if stores clear out jelly beans and then mass sell them at Easter? Or perhaps it is because our sitting President is not Ronald Reagan who loved, loved jelly beans.
"Reagan started eating jelly beans when he gave up smoking in the early 1960's. On his first day as governor of California, candymaker Henry Rowland gave Reagan a big jar of jelly beans, which Reagan put on the Cabinet Room table. That was the beginning of a long tradition of passing out jelly beans during Cabinet meetings. "We can hardly start a meeting or make a decision without passing around the jar of jelly beans," he told Rowland.
Reagan also once said that, "You can tell a lot about a fella's character by whether he picks out all of one color or just grabs a handful." Sometime later he remarked, "Some political figures have endured in history as lions or conquerors or something equally impressive. It's a little frightening to think California history might record us as jelly beans."
Now I am not sure of what color of jelly bean is my favorite or what that indicates of my character. I will have to think about red, green, black, white, yellow, orange, purple and all the other colors mean.
I just wish there were more and I wonder where all the jelly beans have gone?
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Marriage Retreat
Clark and I were able to attend our church's marriage retreat this weekend. The speakers were Bill and Pam Farrel who wrote "Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti". The book/lecture series is on "why a man is like a waffle (each element of his life is in a separate box), why a woman is life spaghetti (everything in her life touches everything else), and what these differences mean". It was great. The retreat was down in Monterey and the weather was pleasant. It gave us a time to reconnect and recharge.
One the things that the speakers said was to have red hot monogamy with big fire. So Clark and I went to dinner Saturday night and had a Bowl of Fire. It was quite delicious.
Emma stayed with our dear friend Traci for 6 hours on Friday. Emma loves her like a family member. Then late Friday night my brother and Diana came. Emma loves to spend time with her uncle and auntie. Prior to this weekend we had never left Emma at the same time over night. Apparently the three of them had a great time though. We have one rule when Emma is with someone else and that is if she gets hurt call 911 or go to Kaiser ER and then call us. Thankfully nothing occurred. We are so appreciate to have such great family and friends.
We look forward to going next year!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
My wish for Emma
My wish for Emma is that she never worries about her beauty. My wish is for her to know that she is made perfectly by God (with a little of Clark and I mixed in).
It breaks my heart when I hear on the news that a twenty something girl had over 10 medical enhancing surgeries in one day. As a mom and a woman I want to say, dear child (because she is still someone’s’ child), no matter what you do on the outside what you need to fix is in your heart and head.
My wish is that when Emma looks in the mirror she sees a beautiful person reflecting back. That she knows no surgeon’s knife can make it better because she is one of a kind for what she has inside of her soul.
My wish for Emma is that she knows that women come in all shapes and sizes. I want her to know that I am not a 10 but I am a real woman and a mom.
My wish for Emma is that she knows that life will give some wears, tears and scars but it will also give love, laughter and hope.
My wish for Emma is that she knows she is smart and books are buddies. My wish for her is that she has the self-confidence to say, “Yes, I can and I know how.”
My wish for Emma and ultimate prayer is that when she sees herself that she knows she was made in love.
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