Over 2,500 and 6 states-Just me and the kid

A lot of faith, a little naivety, six states, 2,500 plus miles over 10 days with just me and the 5 year old daughter in the car. I look back now and think I must have been a little enamored. Sure some planning had gone into the trip but what happened was more than a lifetime of memories.

For months, we had talked about going to Idaho to visit friends who had relocated there from California and then my husband was laid off from his job just weeks before the adventure was to begin. We were unsure on what to do. A job offer came in for him and we knew then the kid and I would be going and the husband (God bless his soul) would stay behind to tie up matters before his new opportunity was to start.

I admit I had no time to be scared at that point. There was a clock ticking. There were bags to be packed, food to buy and reordering the MasterCard (since ours was expired and American Express is not taken everywhere as Clark and I had learned on a previous road trip there. MasterCard was kind enough to waive the UPS fees to have my card delivered to our extended stay in Idaho).

I got enough cash that if any were taken it would stink but I would not be devastated. I wore minimum jewelry, as did my daughter. I carried pepper spray because you just do not know what trouble if any would occur. I tried to keep the cell phone fully charged.
I made sure the emergency kit in the back of the car was up to date. I also had reassurance every time I hit the blue tooth in the car, it would ask if I wanted to make a call or if I had an emergency. I had imaginary thoughts that a rescue team would come to my and Emma’s help if need be (even if we were halfway from the equator and the North Pole).

The last minute person I was on this trip I actually booked the hotels surrounding the stay around Idaho just a week before. Lucky for us our places of accommodations were superior but on a budget except for the last (more to come on all that later). I did not even map the six state drive out until the night before Emma and I left and I did it on Mapquest and GPS.

The night before the trip everything was packed. While our first night was going to be a hotel, I had a small overnighter bag packed just for that for when we reached our destination. I dressed Emma in sweats so when the dark hour came I could literally take her from the house to the car seat. As I drove away from the house, I thought, wow, I am really doing this without my husband.

After driving for 11.5 hours to Bend, Oregon, we stayed at the only place I could arrange because of the car show they were having in town. The Inn was fantastic. It was right on the river. It had an indoor and outdoor pool which we took advantage of. We met some teenagers there who were from Santa Cruz but now lived in Bend. I am not sure they were staying at the Inn but their perspective on life was sure interesting.

The next day, Emma and I left for an area near Sandpointe, Idaho here our friends lived. Not only did the Newsoms’ say they would leave the light on but a homemade dinner would be ready. After 26 years of friendship, you became like family.

Over the next few days Emma and I along with the Newsom family saw the The Spokane Youth Orchestra perform A Disney Symphantasy at the Festival at Sanpointe, went to City Beach, took the ski chair lifts up to Schweitzer ski resort to see the most marvelous views, went to Silverwood Theme Park, took a boat adventure on the river and finally to cap it all off a bonfire with family and friends. The days passed as quickly as the nights and the visit was over in a blink of an eye. At times it seemed like we were teenagers again our conversations were so honest and frank and other moments, life caught up with us and we were parents of young children. Our memories there left an imprint on our hearts.

Our next stop was Teton Village, Wyoming. Emma and I had planned to stay a few days to see Yellowstone and Jackson Hole. The drive was going to long again but worth it I knew.

We stopped in Drummod, Montana for gas and lunch. It was one of the rare times when we actually were taking a longer than normal break from driving. While outside a café eating lunch, a few older men drove up and starting to circle our table. I quickly grabbed my phone and called my husband. I carefully watched these men while whispering to my husband the location where I was and what they were driving. Obviously they could see Emma and I were alone and the only other car in the parking lot was ours with the California plates. The pepper spray, which had been a last minute purchase in California, was in a large suitcase in the back of the car (yes, a great place but I removed it from my handbag when we went to the Silverwood theme park). Emma and I waited and waited until they finally left. The whole time I stayed on the phone with Clark. Maybe nothing would have happened but when you are traveling alone with a 5 year old daughter all alerts are on high and you could never be too caution.

As dusk approached that day, we ended up in Teton Village and I never knew on how beautiful it really is. Last time we passed through Emma was a month old. Now I had time to really appreciate it. The Inn was perfect with a pool and a Sushi restaurant that Emma fell in love with.

Over the next few days, we traveled to Yellowstone and saw Old Faithful. While waiting for Old Faithful to do her dance, Emma saw the flags flying on top of the lodge including the United States flag. She said, “Mama, look, look, it is like the flag at the Newsom’s.” Now before I answered I knew Emma had seen this flag a thousand times, in fact this flag has hung outside our own home back in California on occasion. I answered as simply as I could, “Emma, Charley was an American solider and that is why the flag is hung at his home.” The words as they crossed my lips, created memories of Charley’s story of the wars he had been in serving in the Army; the life he had had that was so different from my and husband and I who went to state college. I let the silence stand and oddly the motorcycle bikers, the Midwesterners; the foreigners gave pause around us as well. It was as if there was a moment of silence. I had no more words for Emma. I knew someday Charley would tell Emma his story and coming from him it would mean more. Someday Charley’s story would be told.

We carried on throughout our journey. A park ranger was kind enough to let Emma help him take a temperature of a small, small hot spot. It was 165 degrees as Emma read the numbers off the thermometer the ranger explained that it hotter than a boiling pot of water. The video I took that day watching the ranger take off his hat and get down to Emma’s level was so touching.

Next stop was Jackson Hole and the obligatory picture of Emma in front of the park’s antlers. Ironically it was also farmer’s market day so it was interesting to see the difference between what Wyoming’s offer in their farmer’s market and ours. The music was also quite good.

Somewhere along the way to Nevada, Emma asked, “Mommy, why are there so many Gods and churches?” to which I replied since I had no clue to where she was going with this, “What do you mean?” And so a basic religious decision ensured that I am not sure we would have had if we had not passed so many churches alongside of the highway.

We stayed in a hotel in Nevada that had an off site pool. Now the service I used to book the hotel did not state that the hotel had an off site pool so to say we were disappointed was beyond measure. An off site pool apparently means the pool is at another hotel 3 blocks down. Yes, three blocks down. Good thing, I knew someone who recently moved nearby from third grade (and ironically in weird twist of distant relations sort of way has become a third cousin this past year) who was willing to come visit.

As Emma and I were waiting for Jen, I called my dad. My dad, first was floored I was staying in that city where it was only known for two things and neither one of those things were exactly moral and by the way my dad asked what industry was Jen in. I laughed. When Jen arrived, we laughed some more. She informed me (because my dad had forgotten) there was a third industry and it was mining.

As I checked out of the hotel the next day, I told the clerk my female cousin lived on a ranch right outside of town. I loved when the clerk’s eyes popped out of his head. It was priceless and made up for the pool being off site.

Our last stop was lunch in Nevada with someone from school and her daughter. It was fun and delightful. Both of the last stops in Nevada were made because of reconnection made on Facebook within the last two years. Technology is great for social media but there is nothing better than a hug or breaking bread with an old friend or a new friend.

As we headed home, I was homesick. Emma had been a little homesick since leaving Charley in Idaho. She missed her daddy and I missed my husband. Ten days was a long time to be away home but it made me realize no matter how many scars that life has handed you, no matter how miles you travel, you have to go beyond the four walls of your home and make memories. Make life experiences matter and share them with others. More importantly I think Emma has a tad bit of traveler’s soul like me. There is so much more road and life to go and I cannot wait to share them with my husband and Emma.

In honor of my Dad-Happy Father's Day

My dad buying Emma her first "real" bike.

Butterfly Kisses lyrics
Songwriters: Carlisle, Bob; Thomas, Randy;

There's two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven
And she's daddy's little girl
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life
Oh but most of all

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
Walk beside the pony daddy it's my first ride
I know the cake looks funny daddy but I sure tried

Oh with all that I've done wrong
I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every mornin'
And butterfly kisses at night

Sweet 16 today
She's lookin' like her mama a little more every day
One part woman the other part girl
To perfume and make up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world
But I remember

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
You know how much I love you daddy
But if you don't mind
I'm only gonna kiss you on the check this time

Oh with all that I've done wrong
I must have done something right
To deserve her love every mornin'
And butterfly kisses at night

All the precious time
Like the wind the years go by
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly

She'll change her name today
She'll make a promise and I'll give her aways
Standing in the bride room just staring at her
She asked me what I'm thinkin'
And I said I'm not sure
I just feel like I'm loosin' my baby girl
And she leaned over

Gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
Walk me down the isle daddy
It's just about time
Does my wedding gown look pretty daddy?
Daddy's don't cry

Oh with all that I've done wrong
I must have done something right
To deserve her love every mornin'
And butterfly kisses

I couldn't ask God for more than this is what love is
I know I've got to let her go but I'll always remember
Every hug in the mornin' and butterfly kisses

Emma's pictures

Last weekend we had the most awesome experience of being able to go to the Monterey Bay Aquarium at night. Some of our friends came along with their daughter.

It just happened that I had two cameras in my bag. Emma took one camera and the pictures below are all hers. I think she has a gift, time will tell.

School projects

http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-when-does-helping-with-school-projects-really-hurt

Moms Talk: When Does `Helping' With School Projects Hurt?

Well-meaning parents can overdo helping their children with schoolwork.

By Kari Hulac | Email the author | March 31, 2011

We moved to the Tri-Valley because we wanted our kids to attend the great schools here, but I sort of wondered what it would be like as I sent my daughter off to kindergarten in an area known for its "helicopter/overachieving soccer mom CEOs."

Was I immersing myself and my children into a world that put such a high value on academic success that it could be too much for all of us?

I tried to keep an open mind, but by the end of my daughter's first year of school it was clear that some of my concerns were valid.

I realized this when we were presented with her first take-home project: creating a barnyard animal scene. The teacher tried to stress to us that "kindergarten level" work meant just that.

I took it to heart and kept my own Type A hands off her project. I provided the materials, based on her vision, and tried my best to stand aside and let learning happen.

I do understand why parents might go too far "helping" their children. We want them to succeed. We want to spare our little ones the embarrassing moment of doing something wrong.

And I was guilty myself. I cringed a little at the results of that first barnyard scene — a shoe box haphazardly splashed with red and black paint, a pile of dead grass torn from our lawn glued to the surface, and some homely looking plastic critters milling about.

But that was nothing compared to the feeling of seeing her project displayed next to ones that were clearly the work of a 40-something parent rather than a 5-year-old kid. One of them, an exact replica of a 19th century farmhouse, looked as if it had gone through architectural review, its perfect yard framed by rows of toothpick picket fences.

I was horrified. I could tell she noticed the difference, and I hated thinking that she might think that such work was expected of her. I wondered how the child whose parent most likely did the work would feel as well.

Kathleen Schoening: If I do my child’s schoolwork, how will she ever learn to be a good student? I live in the Tri-Valley, and it is more than possible that my fellow moms are helicopter/overachieving soccer mom CEOs. In my current role I am none of those things as a mom.

As my daughter enters kindergarten in the fall, I keep reminding myself of a few ideas that are very important to us.

One is that this is Emma’s education, and she is ultimately the student. Two: Emma has to do learn her schoolwork. We will help and support her but we have been through the school system, and it is her time now. Three: Clark and I are not in competition with other parents. So if Emma’s project is lacking a CEO’s touch, we will be fine with that because Emma did it herself. There is a certain amount of responsibility, pride, accountability and discipline that comes with doing one’s own schoolwork.

If our daughter does not learn good solid study habits, will she ever be a good student? If we as parents do her schoolwork, what will happen when she gets to college? What about future employment?

When I was younger, my dad used to play a game (and still does) called “Look it up.” The premise is if my brother or I did not know something, my dad would say, “Look it up.” As we got older, it became a competition on who could get the information fastest from the library, an encyclopedia, Google, etc. Our daughter now is starting to learn the family game from my husband and me.

So I ask the parents who do their children’s schoolwork, do your children know how to “look up” stuff? Are they learning to become good students? Or are your children learning that when school projects are due they can hand over the assignments to mom and dad for the work to be done?

Deborah May: When my oldest was in kindergarten, she learned to be proud of her work specifically because it was her own work—regardless of how it measured up when compared to other “student's’” efforts. She had to. So many of the other projects were clearly the product of significant parent involvement. I wondered if this was expected and I had failed to do my part? After the guilt subsided I convinced myself otherwise.

Projects are supposed to be part of a learning experience. I finally decided that if I can do something to enhance the learning experience then I do it; if I’m just enhancing the project, then I don’t. Teachers can clearly identify what a child has done versus an adult. As long as teachers don’t punish students who do their own work, I will continue to stick to this credo.

I imagine it gets more complicated when kids are older and grades matter and projects are part of serious competitions. At that point, the parents need to step back and hopefully admire their child working independently and applying the skills they have helped them develop.

Wendy Smith: Being a creative, artsy type of mother I generally delight in assisting with classroom projects. It gives me an opportunity to engage with my children at a much different level than just assisting them with normal homework. Projects that require constructing visual aids breaks up the monotony of rigid math and language arts homework that typically comes home.

While our current education standards are straight heavy academics, it allows little room for creativity and imagination, which I believe is critical in developing well-rounded children. With the current budget cuts to our education, classes that provide creative outlets, such as music and art, are being the first ones on the chopping block. I see this as a detriment to all students, especially those who excel at kinesthetic activities rather than straight book work.

Home projects are an opportunity to fulfill that creative outlet. Fortunately, I work from home and have the resources and availability to assist my children with their projects when the canvas is blank and they need direction. This gives the children a way to learn using tools not readily available at school such glue guns, glitter, buttons and crafty scissors.

It gives me an opportunity to teach them concepts such as symmetry, balance and creative use of color — concepts that teachers already burdened with stringent curriculum have little or no time to teach. Although I enjoy the opportunity to help in the children's art projects, I let them take the lead in all of their projects.

But in any subject, whether it is math, language arts, science or art, there will be students who excel at particular subjects. It's important to remember that some children are clearly artistic and that sometimes what appears to be completed by parents isn't necessarily the case.

So when you find your child comparing his or her projects to others, remind them of their strengths in school. Tell them they should be proud of their creations because no one's creation is as uniquely made, like the one he or she has put her heart into.

It's true that parents should not complete their children's projects, but it is a problem that will come up in school. By supporting your child's academic strengths and creativeness, you empower them to appreciate their unique qualities.

Relay

http://livermore.patch.com/articles/when-cancer-hits-home-a-good-reason-to-join-relay-for-life

When Cancer Hits Home: A Good Reason to Join Relay for Life

Tri-Valley Moms Council member shares her family's cancer story to rally support for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life.

By Kathleen Schoening | Email the author | March 30, 2011

Section Sponsored By patch


When cancer hits home...

Sunday, March 29, 2009.

Cancer. My husband has B-cell lymphoma.

He is almost 42 years old and we have an almost 3-year-old daughter.

How did cancer enter the equation?

We went from trying to having another child to this. From infertility treatment to a bone biopsy in a blink of an eye (before starting chemo, we will be banking sperm for a later use, God willing).

Someone mentioned to me that people are in our corner. I, we, are not cowered in a corner but are on the front lines in God's hands. I have said that cancer is a part of our lives but will not be our lives. We are young and strong. Clark's cancer has a survival rate of 70 to 80 percent. These are good odds.

The doctors said this will get worse before it gets better, so we know it will be a bumpy road, but we know crisis management. After all, both of us worked in the banking industry for years.

This road will not be pretty, but it will be our journey to getting Clark well.

I read those words now as tears spill down my face. So many of you know only part of the story. How I knew Clark had cancer for a week before it was confirmed.

Clark had had three biopsies, essentially three surgeries. At one biopsy, the surgeon at Hayward Kaiser said to me over the gurney that Clark was on, "You know, the only reason we are doing another biopsy is because we know he has cancer. We just want to know what kind."

I was stunned. I had no reason to doubt the surgeon and in fact out of everything that we had been told up until then it was the only thing that made sense.

Of course, Clark had lost the ability to move his arm almost completely and holding our child was out of the question. No doctor had said it before then and no one had prepared us. Eight months and FINALLY we were getting true answers.

Clark was awake on the gurney but did not really hear the conversation. I told him after, but no one wants to hear they have cancer. In fact, we did not receive confirmation for a week.

What a journey to heaven and hell it has been. My husband was and is a true cancer soldier. No one knows that journey of cancer until they have been given the boots to wear.

Nothing in life could have prepared me to be a caregiver of a cancer patient and a mom of a young toddler at the same time.

Nothing in life prepared me to want to take care of my husband and at times fight what seemed an inept medical system. Like when Clark's chemo was going to be delayed, I raised every flag I could to get treatment sooner because his cancer was aggressive, his tumor was growing quite large. For me, time was ticking and cancer was killing my husband. I was not willing to let someone else stand in the line of Clark's treatment.

As a wife, that is what you do.

As a mom, I told Emma that Clark had cancer. It was like telling Emma that Clark had the flu. I did not and do not want Emma afraid of the word "cancer" and I did not want her to be with others and hear that Daddy had cancer. It was important she hear it from us and know it was going to be fine.

Now, two years later, Clark is cancer free. I never knew the words I wrote back then would be so true: "It will get worse before it gets better."

Our life now is richer with love and time, two things you can never have enough of.

Join us.
Relay of Life of Livermore
American Cancer Society
June 25, 9 a.m.
Livermore High School
Contact me for more information,
Kathleen Schoening

sports

http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-council-march-madness-is-the-onslaught-of-spring-sports

Moms Council: March Madness Is the Onslaught of Spring Sports

How do families cope as baseball, soccer and softball kicks off a busy time of the year?

By Kari Hulac | Email the author | March 18, 2011


As springtime sports like Rage soccer and baseball and softball kick off, I am utterly perplexed by how every family but mine seems to juggle the after-school activities of multiple children effortlessly.

We have just two, and I get dizzy remembering when and where the practices are, when the games are, what equipment needs to go where, what socks are clean, etc.

They each are enrolled in one sport and even that, combined with nightly homework and dinner, can be overwhelming.

So this week we asked members of our volunteer Moms Council how they cope.

Kathleen Schoening: Clark and I agree on the importance of our daughter being involved with extra activities outside of school. Emma learns to be an individual with her strengths and to be part of a team. We stood firm at two such activities (until recently) and we let her choose. This year it has been gymnastics and dance. It sounds simple enough. Emma is at a recreational level so the cost is low.

Gymfinity has open gym two days a week for her age group. It is a great deal because it is included in the price of the annual fee and the monthly tuition. However, I am driving Emma there two times a week plus the weekly driving to Triple Threat Performing Arts for a dance lesson. She loves all the lessons and watching her joy is worth the time and money.

After an overly aggressive child pushed our daughter one too many times, our two-rule activity had to be amended and we decided to enroll Emma in karate. At Livermore Martial Arts, Emma is learning how to be a true martial artist in addition to self-defense. The owners stress discipline, respect and humility (along with hugs and kisses from mom and dad as nutrients to grow on). As parents, there is no price tag for us to pay for our daughter to be able to do this.

I try to schedule her classes during the day after school or right after dinner so the stress is moderate. None of the activities are on the same day and none are more than an hour and a half long. Bags with the appropriate attire and snacks/water are laid out the day before the activity.

Emma knows in the next year she will have decisions to make about what she wants to do. This summer there are swim lessons, art camp, vacation Bible school and the list goes on. Final choices we will discuss as a family.

Deborah May: I have three children and between my job, school/homework, and the basics of life it is really hard to get the schedule to work for everyone. We are leaning toward one to two activities per child. They can choose one activity for their bodies and one for their minds, and this helps with balance—they don’t necessarily choose both, though.

Also, we have, so far, avoided any activity that requires weekend participation. Weekends are reserved for family outings and just playing and relaxing. That leaves out team sports, but I personally don’t think that is really necessary at their ages (elementary school) and would probably take over our entire lives if we went that direction.

Every family and child has different needs, but some things that we have found useful are joining a gym and taking advantage of our PTA-run After School Education Program. Many gyms have children’s activities that are low-key, inexpensive (or included with membership) and the parent can get a workout at the same time. Our after-school program offers six-week inexpensive classes onsite right after school so I still have only one pickup time. There are three sessions a year and my daughter has tried something different each time.

Over-committing yourself and your child is stressful for everyone. They may be interested in everything when they first hear about it, but the daily grind will take its toll—especially long-term commitments such as learning an instrument. Parents, not the child, know best when a child is ready to truly get something out of an activity.

co-sleeping

http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-co-sleeping-with-your-baby
Moms Talk: Co-Sleeping with Your Baby

Our Patch Moms Council takes a look at sharing your bed with your baby.

March 9, 2011


This week, our Moms Council weighs the benefits and potential dangers of falling asleep with a baby.

The idea came to us after Walnut Creek Patch Editor Martha Ross shared her bedtime experiences with her son. She also examined the American debate over co-sleeping:

Co-sleeping is controversial in the United States, especially after the American Academy of Pediatrics discouraged the practice and the Consumer Product Safety Commission reported at least 515 deaths of infants and toddlers younger than 2 years of age sleeping in adult beds from January 1990 to December 1997.

Co-sleeping also has its proponents, who say it encourages breast feeding by making it more convenient for mothers, helps nursing mothers get their sleep cycles in sync with their babies and helps babies fall asleep more easily, especially during the first few months. Research also shows that co-sleeping may help prevent sudden infant death syndrome.

We checked in with our Patch Moms Council from the Tri-Valley about this topic. Here's what they had to say about sleeping with your baby.

Kathleen Schoening, a mom council contributor, writes:

Co-sleeping with a baby should be up to the parents, the family.

When our daughter was born, we chose to keep Emma in a crib for the first four months in our room because it made breast-feeding easy. Even when we transitioned Emma to a crib in her room, there was a bed for us. As a mom, I never wanted to be far away if she cried (letting the baby cry it out was not an option for us). We found ourselves somewhere in the middle of the co-sleeping issue.

However, as Emma made the passage into her room, I realized I had a limited amount of time with Emma as a baby. I would rock her until she was asleep. When Emma moved to her toddler bed, my husband or I would lie down next to her and read books. On more nights than I can count, one of us has fallen asleep with her, especially if she is sick. Fever seizures, croup, colds, you name it — when Emma has had it, I have slept next to our daughter.

Few things are sweeter in life than to wrap your arms around your innocent sleeping child knowing the days are numbering and the child will be grown. The time with our daughter will be gone in a flash, not to be captured again. I want to cherish every minute.

Now she is old enough. Emma sometimes wakes early and climbs into bed with us. She will take my husband’s hand and mine and place our three hands together and say, “We are family.”

If this is the middle ground of co-sleeping, I will take it any day, because we are family.

Contributor Deborah May says:

My three children are past the breast feeding and co-sleeping age now, but it would never have worked for us. I'm not an expert on the safety issues, so others can debate that angle. I can say that my husband, my children and I got much better sleep by choosing to put the babies in their cribs at night (even the twins slept in separate cribs).

Yes, they were all breast fed-- though half of the nighttime feedings were bottled breast milk served by my husband. We both worked outside the home and needed to get a reasonable amount of sleep, which just wasn't possible with a baby in the bed. My children all slept through the night fairly early and are excellent sleepers to this day.

Different families will have different needs and tolerances for sleep deprivation. There seems to be a lot of pressure these days to parent in certain ways and every expert out there has written a book telling parents (especially moms) how to make life perfect for their baby, often at the mom's expense.

Except in the cases of major medical or safety issues, parents should feel empowered to make decisions that work for their whole family. If co-sleeping works for you, and it's safe, then do it. If you want your adult space and privacy then don't co-sleep and don't feel guilty about it. Your child will not grow up feeling unloved because they sleep alone.

superheroes

http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-should-kids-be-punished-for-playing-superheroes
Moms Talk: Should Kids Be Punished For Playing Superheroes?

Our panel discusses whether some school rules hinder imaginative play.

By Gerry Lavin | Email the author | February 23, 2011
10 Comments


My son got in trouble on the school playground this week. He was sent home with instructions to write a note of apology to the teacher who reprimanded him. He was cited for three offenses: 1) running on the play structure; 2) not listening to the teacher who told him to stop what he was doing; 3) gun play.

We had a long discussion about the incident that night. He understood he was wrong in needing to be told more than once to stop running on the play structure. We talked about respect for what teachers say and respect for the rules. He understood he needs to be a better listener. He doesn’t understand why he’s not allowed to play superheroes with his friends.

“You’re just not allowed to pretend to shoot guns,” I said. “No fighting, no weapons at school, not even if you’re pretending.”

No gun play. This is a districtwide policy, according to his teacher. I haven’t actually seen it in writing anywhere so I’m not sure if that’s the official term. I haven’t, in fact, seen any written rules about recess, but I’m trying to support my son’s teacher and I’m trying to respect the rules of the school.

This country has seen too many violent instances of students taking aim at other students, literally. Students have been found with knives and guns at school. No good can ever come of it. I’m glad it’s against the law. I’m glad there are rules in place to punish the students who bring weapons to school. I get it.

But punishing 6-year-olds for pretending to be superheroes? I don’t get it.

I’ve always been fascinated by my son’s boundless imagination. Beginning at the age of 2 1/2, my son was obsessed with make believe. He’d act out scenes of grand proportion and develop characters out loud who came from places I didn’t even know he knew about. Play structures were pirate ships and slides were entrances to dark tunnels and pits of fire.

There were always bad guys about and he was always the hero who saved the day.

His room was filled with props and dress-up clothes for everything from knights in shining armor to pirates to safari detectives. When my son was 4 years old, a dear friend gifted my son with two simple capes, a red one with an S on it and a black one with the shape of a bat on it. The capes became possibly the two best and most used “toys” my son ever received.

I believe imaginative play is a good thing, a healthy indication of a strong mind and a creative tool for young children to explore the world around them with confidence. I encourage it in my son to the extent that I can, acknowledging the presence of his imaginary friends, and allowing them to come along on our journeys each day as long as they, too, obey our rules and show good behavior, which they almost always do.

There are certain things, however, I have no control over and that is the essential elements of some of these characters. Pirates are bad guys who steal. They fight each other with guns and knives and swords. They have bad manners. Knights in shining armor carry swords. They fight each other with those swords. Batman is always fighting bad guys. He fights them off with batarangs and motorcycles with major ammunition loaded into the engines.

I can’t help but feel like a traitor to my son when I squelch his favorite games. By telling him to amend his superheroes to anything but weapons I feel like I’m stifling the very essence of his imagination. So is this where it ends? Imaginative play is good in all its forms until children enter elementary school? Hands are considered weapons if modeled in a certain context and therefore they should be punished for it? I’m having a hard time with this school rule and I’ve only just entered first grade.

Contributor Wendy Smith writes:

I fondly remember my son's adoration for "Toy Story" when he was 2. He would hold out his finger or a stick, transforming it into a imaginary gun, and shout "reach for the sky!" For a short while he would become Woody, the high-ridin'-est, rootin'-tootin'-est cowboy hero of all time.

Within a few years, he became enthralled with superheroes. We owned Spiderman, Batman, Superman and Power Ranger costumes. It wasn't unusual to see him scootering with a cape flying behind him on our walks in the morning. He claimed he was the defender of all that was good fighting against evil.

Today, my son is a "Star Wars" enthusiast. We must own a half dozen lightsabers. I hear often of the secret battles between his Jedi friends and himself, a member of "the Dark Side," during recess.

"Why are the battles secret?" I asked him one afternoon.

"Well, we're really not supposed to pretend fight. It's against the school rules," he explained to me.

I've heard many complaints from my children about all the rules that seem to be imposed on them during school hours. However, I find it interesting that even in the little bit of playtime the children actually get, which amounts to less than 45 minutes a day, they are restricted in their imaginative play.

I am confident my son would never harm one of his buddies intentionally nor am I concerned that he will grow up to become a violent individual because of his passion for defeating the Jedi warriors who roam his schoolyard. On the contrary, I believe that through imaginary play he learns to develop important social skills that cannot be taught from a textbook. He learns the ability to recognize social cues, to problem solve, the boundaries in which respecting another lie and the basic grounds for companionship.

Imagination allows self expression and creativity. Learning these important tools early in life increases a child's self-worth. To stifle children's imaginative play by reprimanding them teaches them to repress their creativity. It instills in them an apprehension about expressing their thoughts for fear of being berated.

As a parent, it is a double-edged sword. On one hand, I want my son to respect his adult mentors. On the other hand, I don't always agree with the guidelines they set for him. However, no one will ever parent my son the way I want him to be parented.

Six and a half hours a day, my children are raised by "parents" who don't adhere to all of my values. But isn't that a basic lesson in life? My children will one day grow up and work under employers who may not hold the same ideals as they do. They may live next door to people who conflict with their belief systems. But those people will not define who my children are or will become.

When my son comes home complaining that the yard duty has so many rules, I remind him that school is his job and at work we have to follow rules. But I encourage him not to let the rules, the teachers, the yard duty or administrators change who he is or what he loves. So while my son may not be allowed to bring down the Jedi forces at school under the watchful eyes of the yard duty, the force is always with him at home.

Another Moms Talk contributor, Deborah May, says:

I am very much in favor of strict gun-control laws, but I have to admit we have all let this go too far when 6-year0olds with “finger guns” are seen as a problem—though I do see why anything that could be confused for a real weapon is strictly banned.

First of all, rules that seek to eliminate the word “gun” from a child’s vocabulary are contrary to human nature. Kids love to play games that involve pretend weapons, and every child I know is allowed to do so at home—in the form of dress up, video games, Nerf guns, etc.

Second, while we can all agree that stressed teens shooting up schoolyards is beyond horrible, I do not believe that removing pretend weapon play at young ages will prevent those types of tragedies from occurring. (What might help is providing early intervention and counseling to troubled youth and their families.)

My guess is that these zero-tolerance policies are not intended to prevent incidents, but to provide legal cover should a lawsuit arise. Such policies may even be required by insurers. As a taxpayer, I feel otherwise ineffective rules are worth lower insurance rates. As a parent, I will support the school's policies. But, it is frustrating that so much administrative attention—and thus school funds—focus on these types of rules when our educational system is so desperate for resources.

Kathleen Schoening, a contributor to Moms Talk, adds:

No guns or gunplay at school is a must. That starts at the preschool level. Guns have a place and it is not in the school. No exceptions. Respect is also a must.

No imaginative play of superheroes at school? I would want to see that written school policy.

I think of when I was younger and of my first superhero. The person was not from the pages of a magazine but from the big screen.

It was John Wayne. John Wayne was bigger than life (no, I am not that old). John Wayne rode into town on his horse, carrying a gun to save the town from a bank robber or a purse snatcher. He was a hero not only as an actor but also as an activist. Jimmy Carter said of John Wayne, "It was because of what John Wayne said about what we are and what we can be that his great and deep love of America can be returned in full measure."

John Wayne was a superhero to many.

Not only is imaginative play of superheroes extremely important to a child’s development, it helps us educate them about what superheroes truly are. Superheroes can be real lessons on history and the individuals in our history who impact our world.

Now, if my daughter wanted to play superheroes at school and wanted to play John Wayne or Amelia Earhart and the school wanted to write her up, I think we would have a sit down with the school. School policy or not.

Volunteer jobs

http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-how-much-volunteering-is-enough
Moms Talk: How Much Volunteering is Enough?

Volunteer jobs can be both energizing and fatiguing for moms.

By Cameron Sullivan | Email the author | February 9, 2011
11 Comments


Each Wednesday, Patch will publish a column called Moms Talk where our panel of mom experts will pose a question and give answers and advice on a topic.

It was December of 2007. I’d decided to increase my work hours and was enjoying new intellectual stimulation and income. But by 3 p.m. daily, I was so frazzled I had to hide in a corner secretly consuming dark chocolate just to survive homework time. At night, I slept poorly.

Taking stock, I realized that volunteer efforts for schools and organizations my children belonged to interfered with the aspect of life I held most sacred: Quality family time.

From newsletter production and sponsor solicitation to in-class writing lessons for first graders, creative work for a proposed museum, and writing workshops for elementary school GATE kids (which my kids didn’t attend), I was contributing more than a healthy amount.

Soon I stopped any volunteer work that consumed more than two hours of personal time per week. I worried that fellow moms were surprised or disappointed. When I returned to some volunteer work in September of 2008, I stuck to projects needing skills I could offer uniquely, jobs that invigorated– not drained – me.

The result is a more balanced mom who knows when to speak up if optional work gets overwhelming. Now is the time of year when boards of directors are looking to recruit new volunteers for 2011 or for the next academic year.

How do you decide what kind of volunteer work to do, and how much time you’re willing to give? Should some moms volunteer more or less than other moms, and why? How do you manage volunteer fatigue?

Another Mom's Council contributor, Kathleen Schoening says:

I love the question. Why? Because I think there is a careful balance of volunteering in your children’s life and letting your children’s life become yours.

There is a group of us where our kids attend the same coop preschool and go to many of the same kids activities. My husband and I have had the privilege of getting to know the instructors, the parents and the children.

We volunteer our time because we want our daughter to know we are there to support her in life. However, when volunteering in the classroom or other activities, sometimes you see things that as a parent your heart drops but as a volunteer your role in that situation includes not only your child but all involved and you have to step back.

So maybe your kid is pushed, maybe he is picked last for the game or maybe there is a verbal dispute. You have to be keep yourself in check and realize life happens when you are not there. Also and just as important, is how you react as a volunteer demonstrates to your child life lessons.

We try and keep ourselves in careful balance because as volunteers we know more because we are there; we experience more because we are there.

It is a balance. It is something to be honest with as a parent and as a volunteer I sometimes struggle with. If you find yourself volunteering in all your children’s activities, has your child’s life become yours?

Patch Mom Council contributor, Gerry Gaisser writes:

I think a lot of us learn the hard way that there's a line that can be easily crossed when it comes to volunteering too much time at our children's schools. As Cameron points out, if you don't learn how to say no early, a few hours of volunteer time can turn into a full-time job if you let it.

I have two rules of thumb for volunteering at my child's school. Number one, I want to know what I'm actually signing up for. Before I put myself on yet another committee, I talk to current members of the committee to find out how work is allocated among the group and try to get a reasonable estimation of time involved. It helps to know other moms who may volunteer with you on projects so you have people you can depend on.

Number two, I do it because I want to and because I want to get involved or give back to the school community in some way. I believe in volunteering at our schools. I believe the more we get involved as parents, the better our understanding is of our own educational system, and the better our educational system gets with parents who care.

I also believe volunteering sends the right message to our kids, that we're an integral part of their education and that we care about what they do on a day to day basis. That said, I think all moms should make an effort to volunteer when they can. I think throughout the school year it's possible for everyone to take a turn at lending a hand at some point, whether it be working in a child's classroom, escorting on a field trip, or helping out at Bingo night.

But by all means, whatever you do, avoid the biggest no-no in volunteering. Don't sign up for something and then bail on doing it when the time comes. That's just awful.

Deborah May, a contributor to Patch's Mom Council, says:

I try to spend my volunteer time doing things that I highly value. With three elementary age children my focus now is volunteering at school, but even then there are more opportunities than time. I try to avoid things that don’t directly impact the quality of education, because that is important to me personally and I know I won’t resent the time and effort I spend.

I also try to ask myself, “Am I helping the teachers?” With the increasing class sizes teachers are busier than ever and rely heavily on parent involvement. Those two points keep me focused and help me determine what I should say "no" to.

Should some moms volunteer more than others? While each person has different resources — time, energy, and talent — nearly everyone has something to contribute. Stay-at-home moms do much of the volunteering, and I do believe that working parents should do more, but not just moms — dads too!

Unfortunately, willing parents are not always sure how to get involved. Volunteer coordinators could do a better job of reaching out beyond their traditional groups and structuring opportunities so working parents can participate.
How do you manage to balance your volunteer work with other demands? Tell us in the comments.

Cancer 2 years later

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Cancer. My husband has B-cell lymophoma. He is almost 42 years old and we have an almost three year old daughter. How did cancer get into the equation? We went from trying to having another child to this. From infertility treatment to a bone biopsy in a blink of an eye (before starting chemo, we will be banking sperm for a later use God willing).

Someone mentioned to me that people are in our corner. I, we, are not cowered in a corner, but are on the front lines in God's hands. I have said that cancer is a part of our lives but will not be our lives. We are young and strong. Clark's cancer has a survival rate of 70-80%. These are good odds.

The doctors said that it will get worse before it gets better so we know it will be a bumpy road but we know crisis management (after all both of us worked in the banking industry for years).

This travel will not be pretty but it will be our journey on getting Clark well.

I read those words now as tears spill down my face. So many of you know only part of the story. How I knew Clark had cancer for a week before it was confirmed. Clark had had three biopsy's, essentially three surgeries. At one of the biopsy's, the surgeon at Hayward Kaiser said to me over gurney that Clark was on, "You know the only reason we are doing another biopsy is because we know he has cancer, we just want to know what kind."

I was stunned. I had no reason to doubt the surgeon and in fact out of everything that we had been told up until then it was the only thing that made sense. Of course, Clark had lost ability to move his arm almost completely and holding our child was out of the question. No doctor had said it before then and no one had prepared us. Eight months of so much and FINALLY we getting true answers.

Clark was awake on the gurney but did not really hear the conversation. I told him after but no one wants to hear they have cancer. In fact, we did not receive actual confirmation for a week that it was cancer.

What a journey of heaven and hell it has been. My husband was and is a true cancer soldier. No ones that journey of cancer until they have been given the boots to wear.

Nothing in life could have prepared me as a caregiver of a cancer patient and a mom of a young toddler at the same time. Nothing in life prepared me to wanting to take care of my husband and fighting at times what seemed an inept medical system. Like when Clark's chemo was going to be delayed, I raised every flag I could to get treatment sooner because his cancer was aggressive, his tumor was growing quite large. For me, time was ticking and cancer was killing my husband. I was not willing to let someone else stand in the line of Clark's treatment.

As a wife, that is what you do.

As a mom, I told Emma, Clark had cancer. It was like telling Emma, Clark had the flu. I did not and do not want Emma afraid of the word cancer and I did not want her with others and hear that Daddy had cancer. It was important she hear it from us and she knew it was going to be fine.

So now 2 years later, Clark is cancer free. I never knew the words I wrote back then would be so true "it will get worse before it gets better". Our life now is richer with love and time. Two things you can never have enough of.

Join us
Relay of Life of Livermore
American Cancer Society
Saturday, June 25, 2011 9 AM
Livermore High School
contact me for more information

Our girl hikes in heels

Those of you who know our daughter, knows she LOVES shoes. Emma loves heels in particular. So today when I told Emma pictures were going to taken on Daffodil Hill. Emma choose out her dress and of course her shoes. True classic Emma style, heels were the shoe of the day. There is no doubt this girl of ours can hike, climb a tree and get muddy all in heels!

A new oncologist...

so Clark went to schedule his check up appointment/blood work with his oncologist. The doctor who replied (promptly I might add) said Clark's oncologist is no longer available. I am not sure what that means in doctor speak.

Clark's new oncologist is one we both met with a few months back. She is smart, witty and we both LIKE her! A huge bonus and a prayer answered.

So prayers please as Clark in the next several weeks schedules his follow up stuff to make sure Chester and his cousins have not come back.

It will be 2 years ago this month he was first diagnosed. It seems so long ago and some days it feels like yesterday.

Homework and School

So when I was asked to voice my opinion on Moms Talk: Is There Too Much Homework? I was excited by the comments when I cross referenced the article to my personal Facebook apge.

To see the full article go to
http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-is-there-too-much-homework.

I do not have permission from the authors on my Facebook page to reprint their posts nor did I ask this time. I realized though I wanted to add a few comments of my own about homework and school. My comments are not meant to offend. My comments are for my family and might not work for yours.

1. First off stop blaming the schools if your child was not educated or not getting an education. Get involved and change the system. If you cannot change the system, change your perspective and move your child to a school where they will be educated. Or home-school. Or add educational tools to your child's life. You are their primary teacher from birth, take advantage and stop the blame. If your child is not educated it is truly your fault along with the schools.

2. Most teachers teach because they have a gift. I know many will disagree, but I think of all the teachers I had throughout the years and with the exception of a few, most wanted to be in a classroom and most wanted to have students learn. Give them a break.

3. Vote. Demand from our politicians that our education system needs an overhaul. Become part of the solution.

4. Work in the classroom. Work in the classroom. Work in the classroom. Become involved. Know the teachers, know the administrators, know the parents and the kids. If you work for a business, become a partner with your local school. Show them your best practices, teach them alongside the teachers.

5. Stop the blame. You are responsible for your child. Not the government, not the school and not the teachers. You are. If your child is not educated, what does that say about you?

Yes, I write this as Emma is about to only hit kindergarten. I am not an expert in all subjects taught in school in fact very few but I have family and friends who can assist where and if the school I feel is lacking.

Clark and I are Emma's primary teachers not the school. A revolutionary thought I think for some. Emma is not an island when going to school either. We, as her parents are her biggest supporters and will embrace her educational years alongside of her.


Here is my opinion from the article if you do not want to click on the link from above.

Contributor Kathleen Schoening says:

Recently, I attended the open house for those with children entering kindergarten in the Livermore school district in the fall. They highlighted the expectations of what the child should know: letters, numbers, colors, shapes, etc. For the class of 2024, it is called kindergarten ready.

Great, Bring it on. Also, bring on the homework. My child and many of her peers already know most of the kindergarten-ready information, so what will challenge them?

My child is no Einstein, but we as parents have read to her since birth. We have spell words and are working on numbers. Colors and shapes happen when playing games. All of those things also are reinforced at preschool and church.

We do not live in a district in which every school is top-rated but our immediate community neighborhoods schools are. We also placed our daughter’s name in for the public lottery for the Livermore charter school. Charter offers music, art and science but the community school offers well the community and there is much to be said about that in a pretty good rated school system.

We know families who are choosing to place their children in the dual immersion public language school program across town.

We want what is best for Emma and what is best for our family. Homework is part of the plan no what matter what school she is in. If she struggles, we will help her find out why. Schools make you work and the best part of working is learning and that is critical to education. School is not a daycare provider. Schools are a joint supplier of our future generations' minds. Let us, together with the teachers and administrators, create an environment that produces a child who loves to learn and that will build character and responsibility.

So bring on the academic rigors for our child. We as a family are ready for it. Here is to the class of 2024.

Facebook is not real life

I found myself writing that to a dear respected friend today. Facebook is the illusion of our lives in bits and pieces of what we choose to place as our status updates. We can create images of our days by our words.

I realize as I was writing to my friend that people think that Facebook is real life. Now, at times, I can see where people could confuse the two. However, Facebook can never let you feel the human touch of a hand or a hug. Facebook can never let you linger over a long lunch or dinner enjoying not only the morsels of food and drink but also the human company.

Facebook can give you an quick reaction and sometimes; sometimes that is what we all need. Maybe its a prayer request, maybe a congratulation or maybe its I am sorry for your loss.

Facebook can connect long forgotten friends and relatives.

Facebook may give us the immediate satisfaction but is not real life.

So go jump in a puddle, dive in a lake, canoe down a river, surf on the coast, your real life is not on Facebook.

Happy Valentine's Day

May Your Home be Blessed with Love! Happy Valentine's Day!

Jen's 40 and Fab Party

So we had a friend who held a 40th 80's theme birthday party at a local skating rink. I used to love to skate, but due to bad back I was hesitate. Then I thought to myself when I am ever going to dress up with my husband from the 80's and go to a roller rink. So I skated a bit. Not enough to do damage but enough to have fun with some great people. Happy Birthday Jen!

Relay for Life of Livermore 2011-My pitch-Join Us!

My pitch because no matter how small or big your company is form a Relay for Life of Livermore 2011 team. Or maybe you want to be connected with a team. Or maybe you want to sponsor the event. Or maybe even a poster in your store front (thank you to our downtown stores who are already displaying the Relay colors) Or maybe a few brochures in your lobby because while maybe you are not in a position to be there this year but you might be help to motivate someone who should. So here I go.

Hello, my name is Kathleen Schoening and I am Team Recruitment Chair with the Livermore Relay For Life. Right now we are reaching out to local Livermore businesses to invite them to join us in the fight against cancer. This amazing 24 hour event is being held on June 25th and 26th at Livermore High School.

We are looking for teams and sponsors to participate so that we can Celebrate, Remember and Fight Back for every person whose life has been touched by cancer.

Still not sure and have questions? I would like to talk with you because we would love to have you as part of this incredible community of survivors, caregivers and people who care.


Why do I Relay? I Relay because when our daughter was 2 years old her daddy, my husband was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. For a year, my husband underwent chemo and radiation. Our daughter and I stood by, praying for the day we could say that daddy was a cancer survivor. And now, one year later he is.

So come join us.

This is going to be one amazing year!

Kathleen Schoening

Team Recruitment Chair

Alameda Beach-The first beach I knew as a kid

This is the first beach I knew as a kid. This is the beach our mom would take us to and where the love of water and sand were instilled in me. So today, I detoured from a grocery store trip and went. There are days like this that I wonder why I am in the suburbs where my heart longs to live near a beach.

Winter at the Beach

Emma and I packed a lunch and headed to the coast today. We played in the sand,the water and met new friends. It was beautiful. Winter at the Beach always nice.

"No Room for Racism"

that is what the sign said in the back of my car window 19 years ago. I remember picking up my grandparents in Fresno and as my grandpa got in the car hauling his oxygen tank in he said, "Can I get in?" and he laughed. It was not a mean laugh, but rather a laugh of acknowledgment. My grandpa was a preacher and when I knew him, as I knew him and as I remember him he was not a racist but a man of God who welcome all in his church.

When my grandpa's health problems forced him and my grandma (the giggler) to leave the Church of Christ in Fremont to retire, they went to the home they owned in Fresno. There he was to rest. However, God had another plan (funny how God always does). My grandpa was called to yet preach again at a rural church (literally a two room church) in the middle of farm land. I think it is Road 22 Ave 12 right outside of Fresno or maybe Road 12 Ave 22. In the room where my grandpa last preached where the poorest of poor and an elderly black who came every week to hear grandpa preach. I said hear because the man could not see, he was blind. I will never forget that.

Here's why.

That day 19 years ago, when I picked up my grandparents we were going to a family reunion as we did every May. I remember that day like it was yesterday for some reason. My grandpa kidded I had lead a foot and laughed some more but it was the under currents of that day as I remember.

It was the whispers. The haunting of past generations being heard. Apparently without my grandpa's knowledge KKK meetings were held in the church where he preached in the south so many, many years before. Times were different then. It made my stomach turn. God is not a racist and neither should a place of worship be. I am not sure how the meetings stopped or if my grandpa moved on. Perhaps someday I will get the rest of the story.

Fast forward a few years down the road. My grandpa had passed and another family reunion was held. Talk there was how Snoop Dog might be related to us. You see Broadus/Broaddus are not common surnames.

I could hear my grandpa laughing now. I actually think grandpa might like a good clean rap about no room for racism.

All About Me Robot With Glitter Glue and Jewels

Emma was chosen as Star of the Week for her Pre-K class (names are taken out of a bag each week until each child has a turn).

As part of the assignment, she had to complete the All About Me Robot which of course right now nothing is done without glitter glue and jewels!

Grateful for Real Girlfrieds AKA mommy friends

So I can honesty say that I am more than blessed in the mommy friends department. Being co-director of the local moms club has helped with this (and as Clark says he never thought by me being in a Mommy club that he would get friends).

As I write this my girlfriends and their husbands have helped my family and I through an Emma crisis. Emma was having some difficulties with one of her playmates. This playmate can be overly aggressive. So issues arise.

We had already been told to keep our child away from this playmate by a professional that had seen interactions between the two children and had said that this relationship was toxic to Emma but life happens and interactions occur. Then the latest situation happened and Clark was done, Emma was done and so was I.

We knew we could only control Emma. We also immediately enrolled her into an anti-bullying/self defense class. Sound extreme? Yes, in some ways. But we are not always going to be there as parents and Emma needs to know how to be assertive using her mind, words and if necessary physically. And as a girl, knowledge is power.

So Clark and I have intentionally kept Emma away from this other child. Then a girlfriend mentioned "Why?". You are then giving power to the child and the parents (yes to answer the question we have talked to the parents and repeatedly we have been told we "parent differently" or when Emma was shoveled in the corner and repeatedly pushed on by this other child after Emma was yelling "no" that it was one time incident, we realize we can communicate over and over but it is not our child and we only can teach our child right from wrong).

We really started to think and PRAY about this. My girlfriend was right. SO the other day, when I knew Emma would be around her other friends and I would be around mine, I went to a place where I knew this child would be. In a span of 90 minutes, this child did not share with Emma, would not take turns with others, would grab things from others, tore apart foam pit squares, stormed off and pouted about 6 times. Yes, I counted because each time I said nothing to the parent or the child, but to Emma I said, "Come on let's go do something else." And off we would go. In our dust, the parent had try to discipline.

I almost had to laugh at one point the other child said to mine, "Why don't you want to be friends with me?" Mmmmmmm...I am not 4 years old, but if you were consistently not sharing, not taking turns, storming off and pouting, I would not want to be friends with you either.

So at the end of the time, Emma, I just love her honesty says in front of me, the child, the child's parent, "Mommy, She was not mean to me today." I had to smile because we had chosen not to engage with this other child when the behavior was out of control and my child felt good. YEAH!

I should add we know Emma is not perfect. However, our job as her parents is to do the best we can for her and to guide her in the best direction and sometimes we need the advice of real girlfriends or AKA mommy friends. It goes a long way!

Monterey Bay Aquarium

Many years ago Clark and I become members of the Monterey Bay Aquarium. We would go for the weekend spend time at the Aquarium and then go to the beach. Then Emma came along. I still remember her first visit. We had paid to have a members only dinner at the Aquarium by a known chef and she slept the whole time in her car carrier. Since then, we go every few months and everything changes frequently so nothing remains the same.

Of course any reason to go to the beach in any season is perfectly fine with us!

Now of course economic times have changed. Instead of going for a weekend, we pack a lunch and go for a day. We hit the Aquarium and then the beach. We love it now just as much as because of Emma. Her joy of being at the beach warms our hearts in any season!