Cancer 2 years later

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Cancer. My husband has B-cell lymophoma. He is almost 42 years old and we have an almost three year old daughter. How did cancer get into the equation? We went from trying to having another child to this. From infertility treatment to a bone biopsy in a blink of an eye (before starting chemo, we will be banking sperm for a later use God willing).

Someone mentioned to me that people are in our corner. I, we, are not cowered in a corner, but are on the front lines in God's hands. I have said that cancer is a part of our lives but will not be our lives. We are young and strong. Clark's cancer has a survival rate of 70-80%. These are good odds.

The doctors said that it will get worse before it gets better so we know it will be a bumpy road but we know crisis management (after all both of us worked in the banking industry for years).

This travel will not be pretty but it will be our journey on getting Clark well.

I read those words now as tears spill down my face. So many of you know only part of the story. How I knew Clark had cancer for a week before it was confirmed. Clark had had three biopsy's, essentially three surgeries. At one of the biopsy's, the surgeon at Hayward Kaiser said to me over gurney that Clark was on, "You know the only reason we are doing another biopsy is because we know he has cancer, we just want to know what kind."

I was stunned. I had no reason to doubt the surgeon and in fact out of everything that we had been told up until then it was the only thing that made sense. Of course, Clark had lost ability to move his arm almost completely and holding our child was out of the question. No doctor had said it before then and no one had prepared us. Eight months of so much and FINALLY we getting true answers.

Clark was awake on the gurney but did not really hear the conversation. I told him after but no one wants to hear they have cancer. In fact, we did not receive actual confirmation for a week that it was cancer.

What a journey of heaven and hell it has been. My husband was and is a true cancer soldier. No ones that journey of cancer until they have been given the boots to wear.

Nothing in life could have prepared me as a caregiver of a cancer patient and a mom of a young toddler at the same time. Nothing in life prepared me to wanting to take care of my husband and fighting at times what seemed an inept medical system. Like when Clark's chemo was going to be delayed, I raised every flag I could to get treatment sooner because his cancer was aggressive, his tumor was growing quite large. For me, time was ticking and cancer was killing my husband. I was not willing to let someone else stand in the line of Clark's treatment.

As a wife, that is what you do.

As a mom, I told Emma, Clark had cancer. It was like telling Emma, Clark had the flu. I did not and do not want Emma afraid of the word cancer and I did not want her with others and hear that Daddy had cancer. It was important she hear it from us and she knew it was going to be fine.

So now 2 years later, Clark is cancer free. I never knew the words I wrote back then would be so true "it will get worse before it gets better". Our life now is richer with love and time. Two things you can never have enough of.

Join us
Relay of Life of Livermore
American Cancer Society
Saturday, June 25, 2011 9 AM
Livermore High School
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