School projects

http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-when-does-helping-with-school-projects-really-hurt

Moms Talk: When Does `Helping' With School Projects Hurt?

Well-meaning parents can overdo helping their children with schoolwork.

By Kari Hulac | Email the author | March 31, 2011

We moved to the Tri-Valley because we wanted our kids to attend the great schools here, but I sort of wondered what it would be like as I sent my daughter off to kindergarten in an area known for its "helicopter/overachieving soccer mom CEOs."

Was I immersing myself and my children into a world that put such a high value on academic success that it could be too much for all of us?

I tried to keep an open mind, but by the end of my daughter's first year of school it was clear that some of my concerns were valid.

I realized this when we were presented with her first take-home project: creating a barnyard animal scene. The teacher tried to stress to us that "kindergarten level" work meant just that.

I took it to heart and kept my own Type A hands off her project. I provided the materials, based on her vision, and tried my best to stand aside and let learning happen.

I do understand why parents might go too far "helping" their children. We want them to succeed. We want to spare our little ones the embarrassing moment of doing something wrong.

And I was guilty myself. I cringed a little at the results of that first barnyard scene — a shoe box haphazardly splashed with red and black paint, a pile of dead grass torn from our lawn glued to the surface, and some homely looking plastic critters milling about.

But that was nothing compared to the feeling of seeing her project displayed next to ones that were clearly the work of a 40-something parent rather than a 5-year-old kid. One of them, an exact replica of a 19th century farmhouse, looked as if it had gone through architectural review, its perfect yard framed by rows of toothpick picket fences.

I was horrified. I could tell she noticed the difference, and I hated thinking that she might think that such work was expected of her. I wondered how the child whose parent most likely did the work would feel as well.

Kathleen Schoening: If I do my child’s schoolwork, how will she ever learn to be a good student? I live in the Tri-Valley, and it is more than possible that my fellow moms are helicopter/overachieving soccer mom CEOs. In my current role I am none of those things as a mom.

As my daughter enters kindergarten in the fall, I keep reminding myself of a few ideas that are very important to us.

One is that this is Emma’s education, and she is ultimately the student. Two: Emma has to do learn her schoolwork. We will help and support her but we have been through the school system, and it is her time now. Three: Clark and I are not in competition with other parents. So if Emma’s project is lacking a CEO’s touch, we will be fine with that because Emma did it herself. There is a certain amount of responsibility, pride, accountability and discipline that comes with doing one’s own schoolwork.

If our daughter does not learn good solid study habits, will she ever be a good student? If we as parents do her schoolwork, what will happen when she gets to college? What about future employment?

When I was younger, my dad used to play a game (and still does) called “Look it up.” The premise is if my brother or I did not know something, my dad would say, “Look it up.” As we got older, it became a competition on who could get the information fastest from the library, an encyclopedia, Google, etc. Our daughter now is starting to learn the family game from my husband and me.

So I ask the parents who do their children’s schoolwork, do your children know how to “look up” stuff? Are they learning to become good students? Or are your children learning that when school projects are due they can hand over the assignments to mom and dad for the work to be done?

Deborah May: When my oldest was in kindergarten, she learned to be proud of her work specifically because it was her own work—regardless of how it measured up when compared to other “student's’” efforts. She had to. So many of the other projects were clearly the product of significant parent involvement. I wondered if this was expected and I had failed to do my part? After the guilt subsided I convinced myself otherwise.

Projects are supposed to be part of a learning experience. I finally decided that if I can do something to enhance the learning experience then I do it; if I’m just enhancing the project, then I don’t. Teachers can clearly identify what a child has done versus an adult. As long as teachers don’t punish students who do their own work, I will continue to stick to this credo.

I imagine it gets more complicated when kids are older and grades matter and projects are part of serious competitions. At that point, the parents need to step back and hopefully admire their child working independently and applying the skills they have helped them develop.

Wendy Smith: Being a creative, artsy type of mother I generally delight in assisting with classroom projects. It gives me an opportunity to engage with my children at a much different level than just assisting them with normal homework. Projects that require constructing visual aids breaks up the monotony of rigid math and language arts homework that typically comes home.

While our current education standards are straight heavy academics, it allows little room for creativity and imagination, which I believe is critical in developing well-rounded children. With the current budget cuts to our education, classes that provide creative outlets, such as music and art, are being the first ones on the chopping block. I see this as a detriment to all students, especially those who excel at kinesthetic activities rather than straight book work.

Home projects are an opportunity to fulfill that creative outlet. Fortunately, I work from home and have the resources and availability to assist my children with their projects when the canvas is blank and they need direction. This gives the children a way to learn using tools not readily available at school such glue guns, glitter, buttons and crafty scissors.

It gives me an opportunity to teach them concepts such as symmetry, balance and creative use of color — concepts that teachers already burdened with stringent curriculum have little or no time to teach. Although I enjoy the opportunity to help in the children's art projects, I let them take the lead in all of their projects.

But in any subject, whether it is math, language arts, science or art, there will be students who excel at particular subjects. It's important to remember that some children are clearly artistic and that sometimes what appears to be completed by parents isn't necessarily the case.

So when you find your child comparing his or her projects to others, remind them of their strengths in school. Tell them they should be proud of their creations because no one's creation is as uniquely made, like the one he or she has put her heart into.

It's true that parents should not complete their children's projects, but it is a problem that will come up in school. By supporting your child's academic strengths and creativeness, you empower them to appreciate their unique qualities.