Cancer 2 years later

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Cancer. My husband has B-cell lymophoma. He is almost 42 years old and we have an almost three year old daughter. How did cancer get into the equation? We went from trying to having another child to this. From infertility treatment to a bone biopsy in a blink of an eye (before starting chemo, we will be banking sperm for a later use God willing).

Someone mentioned to me that people are in our corner. I, we, are not cowered in a corner, but are on the front lines in God's hands. I have said that cancer is a part of our lives but will not be our lives. We are young and strong. Clark's cancer has a survival rate of 70-80%. These are good odds.

The doctors said that it will get worse before it gets better so we know it will be a bumpy road but we know crisis management (after all both of us worked in the banking industry for years).

This travel will not be pretty but it will be our journey on getting Clark well.

I read those words now as tears spill down my face. So many of you know only part of the story. How I knew Clark had cancer for a week before it was confirmed. Clark had had three biopsy's, essentially three surgeries. At one of the biopsy's, the surgeon at Hayward Kaiser said to me over gurney that Clark was on, "You know the only reason we are doing another biopsy is because we know he has cancer, we just want to know what kind."

I was stunned. I had no reason to doubt the surgeon and in fact out of everything that we had been told up until then it was the only thing that made sense. Of course, Clark had lost ability to move his arm almost completely and holding our child was out of the question. No doctor had said it before then and no one had prepared us. Eight months of so much and FINALLY we getting true answers.

Clark was awake on the gurney but did not really hear the conversation. I told him after but no one wants to hear they have cancer. In fact, we did not receive actual confirmation for a week that it was cancer.

What a journey of heaven and hell it has been. My husband was and is a true cancer soldier. No ones that journey of cancer until they have been given the boots to wear.

Nothing in life could have prepared me as a caregiver of a cancer patient and a mom of a young toddler at the same time. Nothing in life prepared me to wanting to take care of my husband and fighting at times what seemed an inept medical system. Like when Clark's chemo was going to be delayed, I raised every flag I could to get treatment sooner because his cancer was aggressive, his tumor was growing quite large. For me, time was ticking and cancer was killing my husband. I was not willing to let someone else stand in the line of Clark's treatment.

As a wife, that is what you do.

As a mom, I told Emma, Clark had cancer. It was like telling Emma, Clark had the flu. I did not and do not want Emma afraid of the word cancer and I did not want her with others and hear that Daddy had cancer. It was important she hear it from us and she knew it was going to be fine.

So now 2 years later, Clark is cancer free. I never knew the words I wrote back then would be so true "it will get worse before it gets better". Our life now is richer with love and time. Two things you can never have enough of.

Join us
Relay of Life of Livermore
American Cancer Society
Saturday, June 25, 2011 9 AM
Livermore High School
contact me for more information

Our girl hikes in heels

Those of you who know our daughter, knows she LOVES shoes. Emma loves heels in particular. So today when I told Emma pictures were going to taken on Daffodil Hill. Emma choose out her dress and of course her shoes. True classic Emma style, heels were the shoe of the day. There is no doubt this girl of ours can hike, climb a tree and get muddy all in heels!

A new oncologist...

so Clark went to schedule his check up appointment/blood work with his oncologist. The doctor who replied (promptly I might add) said Clark's oncologist is no longer available. I am not sure what that means in doctor speak.

Clark's new oncologist is one we both met with a few months back. She is smart, witty and we both LIKE her! A huge bonus and a prayer answered.

So prayers please as Clark in the next several weeks schedules his follow up stuff to make sure Chester and his cousins have not come back.

It will be 2 years ago this month he was first diagnosed. It seems so long ago and some days it feels like yesterday.

Homework and School

So when I was asked to voice my opinion on Moms Talk: Is There Too Much Homework? I was excited by the comments when I cross referenced the article to my personal Facebook apge.

To see the full article go to
http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-is-there-too-much-homework.

I do not have permission from the authors on my Facebook page to reprint their posts nor did I ask this time. I realized though I wanted to add a few comments of my own about homework and school. My comments are not meant to offend. My comments are for my family and might not work for yours.

1. First off stop blaming the schools if your child was not educated or not getting an education. Get involved and change the system. If you cannot change the system, change your perspective and move your child to a school where they will be educated. Or home-school. Or add educational tools to your child's life. You are their primary teacher from birth, take advantage and stop the blame. If your child is not educated it is truly your fault along with the schools.

2. Most teachers teach because they have a gift. I know many will disagree, but I think of all the teachers I had throughout the years and with the exception of a few, most wanted to be in a classroom and most wanted to have students learn. Give them a break.

3. Vote. Demand from our politicians that our education system needs an overhaul. Become part of the solution.

4. Work in the classroom. Work in the classroom. Work in the classroom. Become involved. Know the teachers, know the administrators, know the parents and the kids. If you work for a business, become a partner with your local school. Show them your best practices, teach them alongside the teachers.

5. Stop the blame. You are responsible for your child. Not the government, not the school and not the teachers. You are. If your child is not educated, what does that say about you?

Yes, I write this as Emma is about to only hit kindergarten. I am not an expert in all subjects taught in school in fact very few but I have family and friends who can assist where and if the school I feel is lacking.

Clark and I are Emma's primary teachers not the school. A revolutionary thought I think for some. Emma is not an island when going to school either. We, as her parents are her biggest supporters and will embrace her educational years alongside of her.


Here is my opinion from the article if you do not want to click on the link from above.

Contributor Kathleen Schoening says:

Recently, I attended the open house for those with children entering kindergarten in the Livermore school district in the fall. They highlighted the expectations of what the child should know: letters, numbers, colors, shapes, etc. For the class of 2024, it is called kindergarten ready.

Great, Bring it on. Also, bring on the homework. My child and many of her peers already know most of the kindergarten-ready information, so what will challenge them?

My child is no Einstein, but we as parents have read to her since birth. We have spell words and are working on numbers. Colors and shapes happen when playing games. All of those things also are reinforced at preschool and church.

We do not live in a district in which every school is top-rated but our immediate community neighborhoods schools are. We also placed our daughter’s name in for the public lottery for the Livermore charter school. Charter offers music, art and science but the community school offers well the community and there is much to be said about that in a pretty good rated school system.

We know families who are choosing to place their children in the dual immersion public language school program across town.

We want what is best for Emma and what is best for our family. Homework is part of the plan no what matter what school she is in. If she struggles, we will help her find out why. Schools make you work and the best part of working is learning and that is critical to education. School is not a daycare provider. Schools are a joint supplier of our future generations' minds. Let us, together with the teachers and administrators, create an environment that produces a child who loves to learn and that will build character and responsibility.

So bring on the academic rigors for our child. We as a family are ready for it. Here is to the class of 2024.