It just happened that I had two cameras in my bag. Emma took one camera and the pictures below are all hers. I think she has a gift, time will tell.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Emma's pictures
Last weekend we had the most awesome experience of being able to go to the Monterey Bay Aquarium at night. Some of our friends came along with their daughter.
It just happened that I had two cameras in my bag. Emma took one camera and the pictures below are all hers. I think she has a gift, time will tell.
It just happened that I had two cameras in my bag. Emma took one camera and the pictures below are all hers. I think she has a gift, time will tell.
School projects
http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-when-does-helping-with-school-projects-really-hurt
Moms Talk: When Does `Helping' With School Projects Hurt?
Well-meaning parents can overdo helping their children with schoolwork.
By Kari Hulac | Email the author | March 31, 2011
We moved to the Tri-Valley because we wanted our kids to attend the great schools here, but I sort of wondered what it would be like as I sent my daughter off to kindergarten in an area known for its "helicopter/overachieving soccer mom CEOs."
Was I immersing myself and my children into a world that put such a high value on academic success that it could be too much for all of us?
I tried to keep an open mind, but by the end of my daughter's first year of school it was clear that some of my concerns were valid.
I realized this when we were presented with her first take-home project: creating a barnyard animal scene. The teacher tried to stress to us that "kindergarten level" work meant just that.
I took it to heart and kept my own Type A hands off her project. I provided the materials, based on her vision, and tried my best to stand aside and let learning happen.
I do understand why parents might go too far "helping" their children. We want them to succeed. We want to spare our little ones the embarrassing moment of doing something wrong.
And I was guilty myself. I cringed a little at the results of that first barnyard scene — a shoe box haphazardly splashed with red and black paint, a pile of dead grass torn from our lawn glued to the surface, and some homely looking plastic critters milling about.
But that was nothing compared to the feeling of seeing her project displayed next to ones that were clearly the work of a 40-something parent rather than a 5-year-old kid. One of them, an exact replica of a 19th century farmhouse, looked as if it had gone through architectural review, its perfect yard framed by rows of toothpick picket fences.
I was horrified. I could tell she noticed the difference, and I hated thinking that she might think that such work was expected of her. I wondered how the child whose parent most likely did the work would feel as well.
Kathleen Schoening: If I do my child’s schoolwork, how will she ever learn to be a good student? I live in the Tri-Valley, and it is more than possible that my fellow moms are helicopter/overachieving soccer mom CEOs. In my current role I am none of those things as a mom.
As my daughter enters kindergarten in the fall, I keep reminding myself of a few ideas that are very important to us.
One is that this is Emma’s education, and she is ultimately the student. Two: Emma has to do learn her schoolwork. We will help and support her but we have been through the school system, and it is her time now. Three: Clark and I are not in competition with other parents. So if Emma’s project is lacking a CEO’s touch, we will be fine with that because Emma did it herself. There is a certain amount of responsibility, pride, accountability and discipline that comes with doing one’s own schoolwork.
If our daughter does not learn good solid study habits, will she ever be a good student? If we as parents do her schoolwork, what will happen when she gets to college? What about future employment?
When I was younger, my dad used to play a game (and still does) called “Look it up.” The premise is if my brother or I did not know something, my dad would say, “Look it up.” As we got older, it became a competition on who could get the information fastest from the library, an encyclopedia, Google, etc. Our daughter now is starting to learn the family game from my husband and me.
So I ask the parents who do their children’s schoolwork, do your children know how to “look up” stuff? Are they learning to become good students? Or are your children learning that when school projects are due they can hand over the assignments to mom and dad for the work to be done?
Deborah May: When my oldest was in kindergarten, she learned to be proud of her work specifically because it was her own work—regardless of how it measured up when compared to other “student's’” efforts. She had to. So many of the other projects were clearly the product of significant parent involvement. I wondered if this was expected and I had failed to do my part? After the guilt subsided I convinced myself otherwise.
Projects are supposed to be part of a learning experience. I finally decided that if I can do something to enhance the learning experience then I do it; if I’m just enhancing the project, then I don’t. Teachers can clearly identify what a child has done versus an adult. As long as teachers don’t punish students who do their own work, I will continue to stick to this credo.
I imagine it gets more complicated when kids are older and grades matter and projects are part of serious competitions. At that point, the parents need to step back and hopefully admire their child working independently and applying the skills they have helped them develop.
Wendy Smith: Being a creative, artsy type of mother I generally delight in assisting with classroom projects. It gives me an opportunity to engage with my children at a much different level than just assisting them with normal homework. Projects that require constructing visual aids breaks up the monotony of rigid math and language arts homework that typically comes home.
While our current education standards are straight heavy academics, it allows little room for creativity and imagination, which I believe is critical in developing well-rounded children. With the current budget cuts to our education, classes that provide creative outlets, such as music and art, are being the first ones on the chopping block. I see this as a detriment to all students, especially those who excel at kinesthetic activities rather than straight book work.
Home projects are an opportunity to fulfill that creative outlet. Fortunately, I work from home and have the resources and availability to assist my children with their projects when the canvas is blank and they need direction. This gives the children a way to learn using tools not readily available at school such glue guns, glitter, buttons and crafty scissors.
It gives me an opportunity to teach them concepts such as symmetry, balance and creative use of color — concepts that teachers already burdened with stringent curriculum have little or no time to teach. Although I enjoy the opportunity to help in the children's art projects, I let them take the lead in all of their projects.
But in any subject, whether it is math, language arts, science or art, there will be students who excel at particular subjects. It's important to remember that some children are clearly artistic and that sometimes what appears to be completed by parents isn't necessarily the case.
So when you find your child comparing his or her projects to others, remind them of their strengths in school. Tell them they should be proud of their creations because no one's creation is as uniquely made, like the one he or she has put her heart into.
It's true that parents should not complete their children's projects, but it is a problem that will come up in school. By supporting your child's academic strengths and creativeness, you empower them to appreciate their unique qualities.
Moms Talk: When Does `Helping' With School Projects Hurt?
Well-meaning parents can overdo helping their children with schoolwork.
By Kari Hulac | Email the author | March 31, 2011
We moved to the Tri-Valley because we wanted our kids to attend the great schools here, but I sort of wondered what it would be like as I sent my daughter off to kindergarten in an area known for its "helicopter/overachieving soccer mom CEOs."
Was I immersing myself and my children into a world that put such a high value on academic success that it could be too much for all of us?
I tried to keep an open mind, but by the end of my daughter's first year of school it was clear that some of my concerns were valid.
I realized this when we were presented with her first take-home project: creating a barnyard animal scene. The teacher tried to stress to us that "kindergarten level" work meant just that.
I took it to heart and kept my own Type A hands off her project. I provided the materials, based on her vision, and tried my best to stand aside and let learning happen.
I do understand why parents might go too far "helping" their children. We want them to succeed. We want to spare our little ones the embarrassing moment of doing something wrong.
And I was guilty myself. I cringed a little at the results of that first barnyard scene — a shoe box haphazardly splashed with red and black paint, a pile of dead grass torn from our lawn glued to the surface, and some homely looking plastic critters milling about.
But that was nothing compared to the feeling of seeing her project displayed next to ones that were clearly the work of a 40-something parent rather than a 5-year-old kid. One of them, an exact replica of a 19th century farmhouse, looked as if it had gone through architectural review, its perfect yard framed by rows of toothpick picket fences.
I was horrified. I could tell she noticed the difference, and I hated thinking that she might think that such work was expected of her. I wondered how the child whose parent most likely did the work would feel as well.
Kathleen Schoening: If I do my child’s schoolwork, how will she ever learn to be a good student? I live in the Tri-Valley, and it is more than possible that my fellow moms are helicopter/overachieving soccer mom CEOs. In my current role I am none of those things as a mom.
As my daughter enters kindergarten in the fall, I keep reminding myself of a few ideas that are very important to us.
One is that this is Emma’s education, and she is ultimately the student. Two: Emma has to do learn her schoolwork. We will help and support her but we have been through the school system, and it is her time now. Three: Clark and I are not in competition with other parents. So if Emma’s project is lacking a CEO’s touch, we will be fine with that because Emma did it herself. There is a certain amount of responsibility, pride, accountability and discipline that comes with doing one’s own schoolwork.
If our daughter does not learn good solid study habits, will she ever be a good student? If we as parents do her schoolwork, what will happen when she gets to college? What about future employment?
When I was younger, my dad used to play a game (and still does) called “Look it up.” The premise is if my brother or I did not know something, my dad would say, “Look it up.” As we got older, it became a competition on who could get the information fastest from the library, an encyclopedia, Google, etc. Our daughter now is starting to learn the family game from my husband and me.
So I ask the parents who do their children’s schoolwork, do your children know how to “look up” stuff? Are they learning to become good students? Or are your children learning that when school projects are due they can hand over the assignments to mom and dad for the work to be done?
Deborah May: When my oldest was in kindergarten, she learned to be proud of her work specifically because it was her own work—regardless of how it measured up when compared to other “student's’” efforts. She had to. So many of the other projects were clearly the product of significant parent involvement. I wondered if this was expected and I had failed to do my part? After the guilt subsided I convinced myself otherwise.
Projects are supposed to be part of a learning experience. I finally decided that if I can do something to enhance the learning experience then I do it; if I’m just enhancing the project, then I don’t. Teachers can clearly identify what a child has done versus an adult. As long as teachers don’t punish students who do their own work, I will continue to stick to this credo.
I imagine it gets more complicated when kids are older and grades matter and projects are part of serious competitions. At that point, the parents need to step back and hopefully admire their child working independently and applying the skills they have helped them develop.
Wendy Smith: Being a creative, artsy type of mother I generally delight in assisting with classroom projects. It gives me an opportunity to engage with my children at a much different level than just assisting them with normal homework. Projects that require constructing visual aids breaks up the monotony of rigid math and language arts homework that typically comes home.
While our current education standards are straight heavy academics, it allows little room for creativity and imagination, which I believe is critical in developing well-rounded children. With the current budget cuts to our education, classes that provide creative outlets, such as music and art, are being the first ones on the chopping block. I see this as a detriment to all students, especially those who excel at kinesthetic activities rather than straight book work.
Home projects are an opportunity to fulfill that creative outlet. Fortunately, I work from home and have the resources and availability to assist my children with their projects when the canvas is blank and they need direction. This gives the children a way to learn using tools not readily available at school such glue guns, glitter, buttons and crafty scissors.
It gives me an opportunity to teach them concepts such as symmetry, balance and creative use of color — concepts that teachers already burdened with stringent curriculum have little or no time to teach. Although I enjoy the opportunity to help in the children's art projects, I let them take the lead in all of their projects.
But in any subject, whether it is math, language arts, science or art, there will be students who excel at particular subjects. It's important to remember that some children are clearly artistic and that sometimes what appears to be completed by parents isn't necessarily the case.
So when you find your child comparing his or her projects to others, remind them of their strengths in school. Tell them they should be proud of their creations because no one's creation is as uniquely made, like the one he or she has put her heart into.
It's true that parents should not complete their children's projects, but it is a problem that will come up in school. By supporting your child's academic strengths and creativeness, you empower them to appreciate their unique qualities.
Relay
http://livermore.patch.com/articles/when-cancer-hits-home-a-good-reason-to-join-relay-for-life
When Cancer Hits Home: A Good Reason to Join Relay for Life
Tri-Valley Moms Council member shares her family's cancer story to rally support for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life.
By Kathleen Schoening | Email the author | March 30, 2011
Section Sponsored By patch
When cancer hits home...
Sunday, March 29, 2009.
Cancer. My husband has B-cell lymphoma.
He is almost 42 years old and we have an almost 3-year-old daughter.
How did cancer enter the equation?
We went from trying to having another child to this. From infertility treatment to a bone biopsy in a blink of an eye (before starting chemo, we will be banking sperm for a later use, God willing).
Someone mentioned to me that people are in our corner. I, we, are not cowered in a corner but are on the front lines in God's hands. I have said that cancer is a part of our lives but will not be our lives. We are young and strong. Clark's cancer has a survival rate of 70 to 80 percent. These are good odds.
The doctors said this will get worse before it gets better, so we know it will be a bumpy road, but we know crisis management. After all, both of us worked in the banking industry for years.
This road will not be pretty, but it will be our journey to getting Clark well.
I read those words now as tears spill down my face. So many of you know only part of the story. How I knew Clark had cancer for a week before it was confirmed.
Clark had had three biopsies, essentially three surgeries. At one biopsy, the surgeon at Hayward Kaiser said to me over the gurney that Clark was on, "You know, the only reason we are doing another biopsy is because we know he has cancer. We just want to know what kind."
I was stunned. I had no reason to doubt the surgeon and in fact out of everything that we had been told up until then it was the only thing that made sense.
Of course, Clark had lost the ability to move his arm almost completely and holding our child was out of the question. No doctor had said it before then and no one had prepared us. Eight months and FINALLY we were getting true answers.
Clark was awake on the gurney but did not really hear the conversation. I told him after, but no one wants to hear they have cancer. In fact, we did not receive confirmation for a week.
What a journey to heaven and hell it has been. My husband was and is a true cancer soldier. No one knows that journey of cancer until they have been given the boots to wear.
Nothing in life could have prepared me to be a caregiver of a cancer patient and a mom of a young toddler at the same time.
Nothing in life prepared me to want to take care of my husband and at times fight what seemed an inept medical system. Like when Clark's chemo was going to be delayed, I raised every flag I could to get treatment sooner because his cancer was aggressive, his tumor was growing quite large. For me, time was ticking and cancer was killing my husband. I was not willing to let someone else stand in the line of Clark's treatment.
As a wife, that is what you do.
As a mom, I told Emma that Clark had cancer. It was like telling Emma that Clark had the flu. I did not and do not want Emma afraid of the word "cancer" and I did not want her to be with others and hear that Daddy had cancer. It was important she hear it from us and know it was going to be fine.
Now, two years later, Clark is cancer free. I never knew the words I wrote back then would be so true: "It will get worse before it gets better."
Our life now is richer with love and time, two things you can never have enough of.
Join us.
Relay of Life of Livermore
American Cancer Society
June 25, 9 a.m.
Livermore High School
Contact me for more information,
Kathleen Schoening
When Cancer Hits Home: A Good Reason to Join Relay for Life
Tri-Valley Moms Council member shares her family's cancer story to rally support for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life.
By Kathleen Schoening | Email the author | March 30, 2011
Section Sponsored By patch
When cancer hits home...
Sunday, March 29, 2009.
Cancer. My husband has B-cell lymphoma.
He is almost 42 years old and we have an almost 3-year-old daughter.
How did cancer enter the equation?
We went from trying to having another child to this. From infertility treatment to a bone biopsy in a blink of an eye (before starting chemo, we will be banking sperm for a later use, God willing).
Someone mentioned to me that people are in our corner. I, we, are not cowered in a corner but are on the front lines in God's hands. I have said that cancer is a part of our lives but will not be our lives. We are young and strong. Clark's cancer has a survival rate of 70 to 80 percent. These are good odds.
The doctors said this will get worse before it gets better, so we know it will be a bumpy road, but we know crisis management. After all, both of us worked in the banking industry for years.
This road will not be pretty, but it will be our journey to getting Clark well.
I read those words now as tears spill down my face. So many of you know only part of the story. How I knew Clark had cancer for a week before it was confirmed.
Clark had had three biopsies, essentially three surgeries. At one biopsy, the surgeon at Hayward Kaiser said to me over the gurney that Clark was on, "You know, the only reason we are doing another biopsy is because we know he has cancer. We just want to know what kind."
I was stunned. I had no reason to doubt the surgeon and in fact out of everything that we had been told up until then it was the only thing that made sense.
Of course, Clark had lost the ability to move his arm almost completely and holding our child was out of the question. No doctor had said it before then and no one had prepared us. Eight months and FINALLY we were getting true answers.
Clark was awake on the gurney but did not really hear the conversation. I told him after, but no one wants to hear they have cancer. In fact, we did not receive confirmation for a week.
What a journey to heaven and hell it has been. My husband was and is a true cancer soldier. No one knows that journey of cancer until they have been given the boots to wear.
Nothing in life could have prepared me to be a caregiver of a cancer patient and a mom of a young toddler at the same time.
Nothing in life prepared me to want to take care of my husband and at times fight what seemed an inept medical system. Like when Clark's chemo was going to be delayed, I raised every flag I could to get treatment sooner because his cancer was aggressive, his tumor was growing quite large. For me, time was ticking and cancer was killing my husband. I was not willing to let someone else stand in the line of Clark's treatment.
As a wife, that is what you do.
As a mom, I told Emma that Clark had cancer. It was like telling Emma that Clark had the flu. I did not and do not want Emma afraid of the word "cancer" and I did not want her to be with others and hear that Daddy had cancer. It was important she hear it from us and know it was going to be fine.
Now, two years later, Clark is cancer free. I never knew the words I wrote back then would be so true: "It will get worse before it gets better."
Our life now is richer with love and time, two things you can never have enough of.
Join us.
Relay of Life of Livermore
American Cancer Society
June 25, 9 a.m.
Livermore High School
Contact me for more information,
Kathleen Schoening
sports
http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-council-march-madness-is-the-onslaught-of-spring-sports
Moms Council: March Madness Is the Onslaught of Spring Sports
How do families cope as baseball, soccer and softball kicks off a busy time of the year?
By Kari Hulac | Email the author | March 18, 2011
As springtime sports like Rage soccer and baseball and softball kick off, I am utterly perplexed by how every family but mine seems to juggle the after-school activities of multiple children effortlessly.
We have just two, and I get dizzy remembering when and where the practices are, when the games are, what equipment needs to go where, what socks are clean, etc.
They each are enrolled in one sport and even that, combined with nightly homework and dinner, can be overwhelming.
So this week we asked members of our volunteer Moms Council how they cope.
Kathleen Schoening: Clark and I agree on the importance of our daughter being involved with extra activities outside of school. Emma learns to be an individual with her strengths and to be part of a team. We stood firm at two such activities (until recently) and we let her choose. This year it has been gymnastics and dance. It sounds simple enough. Emma is at a recreational level so the cost is low.
Gymfinity has open gym two days a week for her age group. It is a great deal because it is included in the price of the annual fee and the monthly tuition. However, I am driving Emma there two times a week plus the weekly driving to Triple Threat Performing Arts for a dance lesson. She loves all the lessons and watching her joy is worth the time and money.
After an overly aggressive child pushed our daughter one too many times, our two-rule activity had to be amended and we decided to enroll Emma in karate. At Livermore Martial Arts, Emma is learning how to be a true martial artist in addition to self-defense. The owners stress discipline, respect and humility (along with hugs and kisses from mom and dad as nutrients to grow on). As parents, there is no price tag for us to pay for our daughter to be able to do this.
I try to schedule her classes during the day after school or right after dinner so the stress is moderate. None of the activities are on the same day and none are more than an hour and a half long. Bags with the appropriate attire and snacks/water are laid out the day before the activity.
Emma knows in the next year she will have decisions to make about what she wants to do. This summer there are swim lessons, art camp, vacation Bible school and the list goes on. Final choices we will discuss as a family.
Deborah May: I have three children and between my job, school/homework, and the basics of life it is really hard to get the schedule to work for everyone. We are leaning toward one to two activities per child. They can choose one activity for their bodies and one for their minds, and this helps with balance—they don’t necessarily choose both, though.
Also, we have, so far, avoided any activity that requires weekend participation. Weekends are reserved for family outings and just playing and relaxing. That leaves out team sports, but I personally don’t think that is really necessary at their ages (elementary school) and would probably take over our entire lives if we went that direction.
Every family and child has different needs, but some things that we have found useful are joining a gym and taking advantage of our PTA-run After School Education Program. Many gyms have children’s activities that are low-key, inexpensive (or included with membership) and the parent can get a workout at the same time. Our after-school program offers six-week inexpensive classes onsite right after school so I still have only one pickup time. There are three sessions a year and my daughter has tried something different each time.
Over-committing yourself and your child is stressful for everyone. They may be interested in everything when they first hear about it, but the daily grind will take its toll—especially long-term commitments such as learning an instrument. Parents, not the child, know best when a child is ready to truly get something out of an activity.
Moms Council: March Madness Is the Onslaught of Spring Sports
How do families cope as baseball, soccer and softball kicks off a busy time of the year?
By Kari Hulac | Email the author | March 18, 2011
As springtime sports like Rage soccer and baseball and softball kick off, I am utterly perplexed by how every family but mine seems to juggle the after-school activities of multiple children effortlessly.
We have just two, and I get dizzy remembering when and where the practices are, when the games are, what equipment needs to go where, what socks are clean, etc.
They each are enrolled in one sport and even that, combined with nightly homework and dinner, can be overwhelming.
So this week we asked members of our volunteer Moms Council how they cope.
Kathleen Schoening: Clark and I agree on the importance of our daughter being involved with extra activities outside of school. Emma learns to be an individual with her strengths and to be part of a team. We stood firm at two such activities (until recently) and we let her choose. This year it has been gymnastics and dance. It sounds simple enough. Emma is at a recreational level so the cost is low.
Gymfinity has open gym two days a week for her age group. It is a great deal because it is included in the price of the annual fee and the monthly tuition. However, I am driving Emma there two times a week plus the weekly driving to Triple Threat Performing Arts for a dance lesson. She loves all the lessons and watching her joy is worth the time and money.
After an overly aggressive child pushed our daughter one too many times, our two-rule activity had to be amended and we decided to enroll Emma in karate. At Livermore Martial Arts, Emma is learning how to be a true martial artist in addition to self-defense. The owners stress discipline, respect and humility (along with hugs and kisses from mom and dad as nutrients to grow on). As parents, there is no price tag for us to pay for our daughter to be able to do this.
I try to schedule her classes during the day after school or right after dinner so the stress is moderate. None of the activities are on the same day and none are more than an hour and a half long. Bags with the appropriate attire and snacks/water are laid out the day before the activity.
Emma knows in the next year she will have decisions to make about what she wants to do. This summer there are swim lessons, art camp, vacation Bible school and the list goes on. Final choices we will discuss as a family.
Deborah May: I have three children and between my job, school/homework, and the basics of life it is really hard to get the schedule to work for everyone. We are leaning toward one to two activities per child. They can choose one activity for their bodies and one for their minds, and this helps with balance—they don’t necessarily choose both, though.
Also, we have, so far, avoided any activity that requires weekend participation. Weekends are reserved for family outings and just playing and relaxing. That leaves out team sports, but I personally don’t think that is really necessary at their ages (elementary school) and would probably take over our entire lives if we went that direction.
Every family and child has different needs, but some things that we have found useful are joining a gym and taking advantage of our PTA-run After School Education Program. Many gyms have children’s activities that are low-key, inexpensive (or included with membership) and the parent can get a workout at the same time. Our after-school program offers six-week inexpensive classes onsite right after school so I still have only one pickup time. There are three sessions a year and my daughter has tried something different each time.
Over-committing yourself and your child is stressful for everyone. They may be interested in everything when they first hear about it, but the daily grind will take its toll—especially long-term commitments such as learning an instrument. Parents, not the child, know best when a child is ready to truly get something out of an activity.
co-sleeping
http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-co-sleeping-with-your-baby
Moms Talk: Co-Sleeping with Your Baby
Our Patch Moms Council takes a look at sharing your bed with your baby.
March 9, 2011
This week, our Moms Council weighs the benefits and potential dangers of falling asleep with a baby.
The idea came to us after Walnut Creek Patch Editor Martha Ross shared her bedtime experiences with her son. She also examined the American debate over co-sleeping:
Co-sleeping is controversial in the United States, especially after the American Academy of Pediatrics discouraged the practice and the Consumer Product Safety Commission reported at least 515 deaths of infants and toddlers younger than 2 years of age sleeping in adult beds from January 1990 to December 1997.
Co-sleeping also has its proponents, who say it encourages breast feeding by making it more convenient for mothers, helps nursing mothers get their sleep cycles in sync with their babies and helps babies fall asleep more easily, especially during the first few months. Research also shows that co-sleeping may help prevent sudden infant death syndrome.
We checked in with our Patch Moms Council from the Tri-Valley about this topic. Here's what they had to say about sleeping with your baby.
Kathleen Schoening, a mom council contributor, writes:
Co-sleeping with a baby should be up to the parents, the family.
When our daughter was born, we chose to keep Emma in a crib for the first four months in our room because it made breast-feeding easy. Even when we transitioned Emma to a crib in her room, there was a bed for us. As a mom, I never wanted to be far away if she cried (letting the baby cry it out was not an option for us). We found ourselves somewhere in the middle of the co-sleeping issue.
However, as Emma made the passage into her room, I realized I had a limited amount of time with Emma as a baby. I would rock her until she was asleep. When Emma moved to her toddler bed, my husband or I would lie down next to her and read books. On more nights than I can count, one of us has fallen asleep with her, especially if she is sick. Fever seizures, croup, colds, you name it — when Emma has had it, I have slept next to our daughter.
Few things are sweeter in life than to wrap your arms around your innocent sleeping child knowing the days are numbering and the child will be grown. The time with our daughter will be gone in a flash, not to be captured again. I want to cherish every minute.
Now she is old enough. Emma sometimes wakes early and climbs into bed with us. She will take my husband’s hand and mine and place our three hands together and say, “We are family.”
If this is the middle ground of co-sleeping, I will take it any day, because we are family.
Contributor Deborah May says:
My three children are past the breast feeding and co-sleeping age now, but it would never have worked for us. I'm not an expert on the safety issues, so others can debate that angle. I can say that my husband, my children and I got much better sleep by choosing to put the babies in their cribs at night (even the twins slept in separate cribs).
Yes, they were all breast fed-- though half of the nighttime feedings were bottled breast milk served by my husband. We both worked outside the home and needed to get a reasonable amount of sleep, which just wasn't possible with a baby in the bed. My children all slept through the night fairly early and are excellent sleepers to this day.
Different families will have different needs and tolerances for sleep deprivation. There seems to be a lot of pressure these days to parent in certain ways and every expert out there has written a book telling parents (especially moms) how to make life perfect for their baby, often at the mom's expense.
Except in the cases of major medical or safety issues, parents should feel empowered to make decisions that work for their whole family. If co-sleeping works for you, and it's safe, then do it. If you want your adult space and privacy then don't co-sleep and don't feel guilty about it. Your child will not grow up feeling unloved because they sleep alone.
Moms Talk: Co-Sleeping with Your Baby
Our Patch Moms Council takes a look at sharing your bed with your baby.
March 9, 2011
This week, our Moms Council weighs the benefits and potential dangers of falling asleep with a baby.
The idea came to us after Walnut Creek Patch Editor Martha Ross shared her bedtime experiences with her son. She also examined the American debate over co-sleeping:
Co-sleeping is controversial in the United States, especially after the American Academy of Pediatrics discouraged the practice and the Consumer Product Safety Commission reported at least 515 deaths of infants and toddlers younger than 2 years of age sleeping in adult beds from January 1990 to December 1997.
Co-sleeping also has its proponents, who say it encourages breast feeding by making it more convenient for mothers, helps nursing mothers get their sleep cycles in sync with their babies and helps babies fall asleep more easily, especially during the first few months. Research also shows that co-sleeping may help prevent sudden infant death syndrome.
We checked in with our Patch Moms Council from the Tri-Valley about this topic. Here's what they had to say about sleeping with your baby.
Kathleen Schoening, a mom council contributor, writes:
Co-sleeping with a baby should be up to the parents, the family.
When our daughter was born, we chose to keep Emma in a crib for the first four months in our room because it made breast-feeding easy. Even when we transitioned Emma to a crib in her room, there was a bed for us. As a mom, I never wanted to be far away if she cried (letting the baby cry it out was not an option for us). We found ourselves somewhere in the middle of the co-sleeping issue.
However, as Emma made the passage into her room, I realized I had a limited amount of time with Emma as a baby. I would rock her until she was asleep. When Emma moved to her toddler bed, my husband or I would lie down next to her and read books. On more nights than I can count, one of us has fallen asleep with her, especially if she is sick. Fever seizures, croup, colds, you name it — when Emma has had it, I have slept next to our daughter.
Few things are sweeter in life than to wrap your arms around your innocent sleeping child knowing the days are numbering and the child will be grown. The time with our daughter will be gone in a flash, not to be captured again. I want to cherish every minute.
Now she is old enough. Emma sometimes wakes early and climbs into bed with us. She will take my husband’s hand and mine and place our three hands together and say, “We are family.”
If this is the middle ground of co-sleeping, I will take it any day, because we are family.
Contributor Deborah May says:
My three children are past the breast feeding and co-sleeping age now, but it would never have worked for us. I'm not an expert on the safety issues, so others can debate that angle. I can say that my husband, my children and I got much better sleep by choosing to put the babies in their cribs at night (even the twins slept in separate cribs).
Yes, they were all breast fed-- though half of the nighttime feedings were bottled breast milk served by my husband. We both worked outside the home and needed to get a reasonable amount of sleep, which just wasn't possible with a baby in the bed. My children all slept through the night fairly early and are excellent sleepers to this day.
Different families will have different needs and tolerances for sleep deprivation. There seems to be a lot of pressure these days to parent in certain ways and every expert out there has written a book telling parents (especially moms) how to make life perfect for their baby, often at the mom's expense.
Except in the cases of major medical or safety issues, parents should feel empowered to make decisions that work for their whole family. If co-sleeping works for you, and it's safe, then do it. If you want your adult space and privacy then don't co-sleep and don't feel guilty about it. Your child will not grow up feeling unloved because they sleep alone.
superheroes
http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-should-kids-be-punished-for-playing-superheroes
Moms Talk: Should Kids Be Punished For Playing Superheroes?
Our panel discusses whether some school rules hinder imaginative play.
By Gerry Lavin | Email the author | February 23, 2011
10 Comments
My son got in trouble on the school playground this week. He was sent home with instructions to write a note of apology to the teacher who reprimanded him. He was cited for three offenses: 1) running on the play structure; 2) not listening to the teacher who told him to stop what he was doing; 3) gun play.
We had a long discussion about the incident that night. He understood he was wrong in needing to be told more than once to stop running on the play structure. We talked about respect for what teachers say and respect for the rules. He understood he needs to be a better listener. He doesn’t understand why he’s not allowed to play superheroes with his friends.
“You’re just not allowed to pretend to shoot guns,” I said. “No fighting, no weapons at school, not even if you’re pretending.”
No gun play. This is a districtwide policy, according to his teacher. I haven’t actually seen it in writing anywhere so I’m not sure if that’s the official term. I haven’t, in fact, seen any written rules about recess, but I’m trying to support my son’s teacher and I’m trying to respect the rules of the school.
This country has seen too many violent instances of students taking aim at other students, literally. Students have been found with knives and guns at school. No good can ever come of it. I’m glad it’s against the law. I’m glad there are rules in place to punish the students who bring weapons to school. I get it.
But punishing 6-year-olds for pretending to be superheroes? I don’t get it.
I’ve always been fascinated by my son’s boundless imagination. Beginning at the age of 2 1/2, my son was obsessed with make believe. He’d act out scenes of grand proportion and develop characters out loud who came from places I didn’t even know he knew about. Play structures were pirate ships and slides were entrances to dark tunnels and pits of fire.
There were always bad guys about and he was always the hero who saved the day.
His room was filled with props and dress-up clothes for everything from knights in shining armor to pirates to safari detectives. When my son was 4 years old, a dear friend gifted my son with two simple capes, a red one with an S on it and a black one with the shape of a bat on it. The capes became possibly the two best and most used “toys” my son ever received.
I believe imaginative play is a good thing, a healthy indication of a strong mind and a creative tool for young children to explore the world around them with confidence. I encourage it in my son to the extent that I can, acknowledging the presence of his imaginary friends, and allowing them to come along on our journeys each day as long as they, too, obey our rules and show good behavior, which they almost always do.
There are certain things, however, I have no control over and that is the essential elements of some of these characters. Pirates are bad guys who steal. They fight each other with guns and knives and swords. They have bad manners. Knights in shining armor carry swords. They fight each other with those swords. Batman is always fighting bad guys. He fights them off with batarangs and motorcycles with major ammunition loaded into the engines.
I can’t help but feel like a traitor to my son when I squelch his favorite games. By telling him to amend his superheroes to anything but weapons I feel like I’m stifling the very essence of his imagination. So is this where it ends? Imaginative play is good in all its forms until children enter elementary school? Hands are considered weapons if modeled in a certain context and therefore they should be punished for it? I’m having a hard time with this school rule and I’ve only just entered first grade.
Contributor Wendy Smith writes:
I fondly remember my son's adoration for "Toy Story" when he was 2. He would hold out his finger or a stick, transforming it into a imaginary gun, and shout "reach for the sky!" For a short while he would become Woody, the high-ridin'-est, rootin'-tootin'-est cowboy hero of all time.
Within a few years, he became enthralled with superheroes. We owned Spiderman, Batman, Superman and Power Ranger costumes. It wasn't unusual to see him scootering with a cape flying behind him on our walks in the morning. He claimed he was the defender of all that was good fighting against evil.
Today, my son is a "Star Wars" enthusiast. We must own a half dozen lightsabers. I hear often of the secret battles between his Jedi friends and himself, a member of "the Dark Side," during recess.
"Why are the battles secret?" I asked him one afternoon.
"Well, we're really not supposed to pretend fight. It's against the school rules," he explained to me.
I've heard many complaints from my children about all the rules that seem to be imposed on them during school hours. However, I find it interesting that even in the little bit of playtime the children actually get, which amounts to less than 45 minutes a day, they are restricted in their imaginative play.
I am confident my son would never harm one of his buddies intentionally nor am I concerned that he will grow up to become a violent individual because of his passion for defeating the Jedi warriors who roam his schoolyard. On the contrary, I believe that through imaginary play he learns to develop important social skills that cannot be taught from a textbook. He learns the ability to recognize social cues, to problem solve, the boundaries in which respecting another lie and the basic grounds for companionship.
Imagination allows self expression and creativity. Learning these important tools early in life increases a child's self-worth. To stifle children's imaginative play by reprimanding them teaches them to repress their creativity. It instills in them an apprehension about expressing their thoughts for fear of being berated.
As a parent, it is a double-edged sword. On one hand, I want my son to respect his adult mentors. On the other hand, I don't always agree with the guidelines they set for him. However, no one will ever parent my son the way I want him to be parented.
Six and a half hours a day, my children are raised by "parents" who don't adhere to all of my values. But isn't that a basic lesson in life? My children will one day grow up and work under employers who may not hold the same ideals as they do. They may live next door to people who conflict with their belief systems. But those people will not define who my children are or will become.
When my son comes home complaining that the yard duty has so many rules, I remind him that school is his job and at work we have to follow rules. But I encourage him not to let the rules, the teachers, the yard duty or administrators change who he is or what he loves. So while my son may not be allowed to bring down the Jedi forces at school under the watchful eyes of the yard duty, the force is always with him at home.
Another Moms Talk contributor, Deborah May, says:
I am very much in favor of strict gun-control laws, but I have to admit we have all let this go too far when 6-year0olds with “finger guns” are seen as a problem—though I do see why anything that could be confused for a real weapon is strictly banned.
First of all, rules that seek to eliminate the word “gun” from a child’s vocabulary are contrary to human nature. Kids love to play games that involve pretend weapons, and every child I know is allowed to do so at home—in the form of dress up, video games, Nerf guns, etc.
Second, while we can all agree that stressed teens shooting up schoolyards is beyond horrible, I do not believe that removing pretend weapon play at young ages will prevent those types of tragedies from occurring. (What might help is providing early intervention and counseling to troubled youth and their families.)
My guess is that these zero-tolerance policies are not intended to prevent incidents, but to provide legal cover should a lawsuit arise. Such policies may even be required by insurers. As a taxpayer, I feel otherwise ineffective rules are worth lower insurance rates. As a parent, I will support the school's policies. But, it is frustrating that so much administrative attention—and thus school funds—focus on these types of rules when our educational system is so desperate for resources.
Kathleen Schoening, a contributor to Moms Talk, adds:
No guns or gunplay at school is a must. That starts at the preschool level. Guns have a place and it is not in the school. No exceptions. Respect is also a must.
No imaginative play of superheroes at school? I would want to see that written school policy.
I think of when I was younger and of my first superhero. The person was not from the pages of a magazine but from the big screen.
It was John Wayne. John Wayne was bigger than life (no, I am not that old). John Wayne rode into town on his horse, carrying a gun to save the town from a bank robber or a purse snatcher. He was a hero not only as an actor but also as an activist. Jimmy Carter said of John Wayne, "It was because of what John Wayne said about what we are and what we can be that his great and deep love of America can be returned in full measure."
John Wayne was a superhero to many.
Not only is imaginative play of superheroes extremely important to a child’s development, it helps us educate them about what superheroes truly are. Superheroes can be real lessons on history and the individuals in our history who impact our world.
Now, if my daughter wanted to play superheroes at school and wanted to play John Wayne or Amelia Earhart and the school wanted to write her up, I think we would have a sit down with the school. School policy or not.
Moms Talk: Should Kids Be Punished For Playing Superheroes?
Our panel discusses whether some school rules hinder imaginative play.
By Gerry Lavin | Email the author | February 23, 2011
10 Comments
My son got in trouble on the school playground this week. He was sent home with instructions to write a note of apology to the teacher who reprimanded him. He was cited for three offenses: 1) running on the play structure; 2) not listening to the teacher who told him to stop what he was doing; 3) gun play.
We had a long discussion about the incident that night. He understood he was wrong in needing to be told more than once to stop running on the play structure. We talked about respect for what teachers say and respect for the rules. He understood he needs to be a better listener. He doesn’t understand why he’s not allowed to play superheroes with his friends.
“You’re just not allowed to pretend to shoot guns,” I said. “No fighting, no weapons at school, not even if you’re pretending.”
No gun play. This is a districtwide policy, according to his teacher. I haven’t actually seen it in writing anywhere so I’m not sure if that’s the official term. I haven’t, in fact, seen any written rules about recess, but I’m trying to support my son’s teacher and I’m trying to respect the rules of the school.
This country has seen too many violent instances of students taking aim at other students, literally. Students have been found with knives and guns at school. No good can ever come of it. I’m glad it’s against the law. I’m glad there are rules in place to punish the students who bring weapons to school. I get it.
But punishing 6-year-olds for pretending to be superheroes? I don’t get it.
I’ve always been fascinated by my son’s boundless imagination. Beginning at the age of 2 1/2, my son was obsessed with make believe. He’d act out scenes of grand proportion and develop characters out loud who came from places I didn’t even know he knew about. Play structures were pirate ships and slides were entrances to dark tunnels and pits of fire.
There were always bad guys about and he was always the hero who saved the day.
His room was filled with props and dress-up clothes for everything from knights in shining armor to pirates to safari detectives. When my son was 4 years old, a dear friend gifted my son with two simple capes, a red one with an S on it and a black one with the shape of a bat on it. The capes became possibly the two best and most used “toys” my son ever received.
I believe imaginative play is a good thing, a healthy indication of a strong mind and a creative tool for young children to explore the world around them with confidence. I encourage it in my son to the extent that I can, acknowledging the presence of his imaginary friends, and allowing them to come along on our journeys each day as long as they, too, obey our rules and show good behavior, which they almost always do.
There are certain things, however, I have no control over and that is the essential elements of some of these characters. Pirates are bad guys who steal. They fight each other with guns and knives and swords. They have bad manners. Knights in shining armor carry swords. They fight each other with those swords. Batman is always fighting bad guys. He fights them off with batarangs and motorcycles with major ammunition loaded into the engines.
I can’t help but feel like a traitor to my son when I squelch his favorite games. By telling him to amend his superheroes to anything but weapons I feel like I’m stifling the very essence of his imagination. So is this where it ends? Imaginative play is good in all its forms until children enter elementary school? Hands are considered weapons if modeled in a certain context and therefore they should be punished for it? I’m having a hard time with this school rule and I’ve only just entered first grade.
Contributor Wendy Smith writes:
I fondly remember my son's adoration for "Toy Story" when he was 2. He would hold out his finger or a stick, transforming it into a imaginary gun, and shout "reach for the sky!" For a short while he would become Woody, the high-ridin'-est, rootin'-tootin'-est cowboy hero of all time.
Within a few years, he became enthralled with superheroes. We owned Spiderman, Batman, Superman and Power Ranger costumes. It wasn't unusual to see him scootering with a cape flying behind him on our walks in the morning. He claimed he was the defender of all that was good fighting against evil.
Today, my son is a "Star Wars" enthusiast. We must own a half dozen lightsabers. I hear often of the secret battles between his Jedi friends and himself, a member of "the Dark Side," during recess.
"Why are the battles secret?" I asked him one afternoon.
"Well, we're really not supposed to pretend fight. It's against the school rules," he explained to me.
I've heard many complaints from my children about all the rules that seem to be imposed on them during school hours. However, I find it interesting that even in the little bit of playtime the children actually get, which amounts to less than 45 minutes a day, they are restricted in their imaginative play.
I am confident my son would never harm one of his buddies intentionally nor am I concerned that he will grow up to become a violent individual because of his passion for defeating the Jedi warriors who roam his schoolyard. On the contrary, I believe that through imaginary play he learns to develop important social skills that cannot be taught from a textbook. He learns the ability to recognize social cues, to problem solve, the boundaries in which respecting another lie and the basic grounds for companionship.
Imagination allows self expression and creativity. Learning these important tools early in life increases a child's self-worth. To stifle children's imaginative play by reprimanding them teaches them to repress their creativity. It instills in them an apprehension about expressing their thoughts for fear of being berated.
As a parent, it is a double-edged sword. On one hand, I want my son to respect his adult mentors. On the other hand, I don't always agree with the guidelines they set for him. However, no one will ever parent my son the way I want him to be parented.
Six and a half hours a day, my children are raised by "parents" who don't adhere to all of my values. But isn't that a basic lesson in life? My children will one day grow up and work under employers who may not hold the same ideals as they do. They may live next door to people who conflict with their belief systems. But those people will not define who my children are or will become.
When my son comes home complaining that the yard duty has so many rules, I remind him that school is his job and at work we have to follow rules. But I encourage him not to let the rules, the teachers, the yard duty or administrators change who he is or what he loves. So while my son may not be allowed to bring down the Jedi forces at school under the watchful eyes of the yard duty, the force is always with him at home.
Another Moms Talk contributor, Deborah May, says:
I am very much in favor of strict gun-control laws, but I have to admit we have all let this go too far when 6-year0olds with “finger guns” are seen as a problem—though I do see why anything that could be confused for a real weapon is strictly banned.
First of all, rules that seek to eliminate the word “gun” from a child’s vocabulary are contrary to human nature. Kids love to play games that involve pretend weapons, and every child I know is allowed to do so at home—in the form of dress up, video games, Nerf guns, etc.
Second, while we can all agree that stressed teens shooting up schoolyards is beyond horrible, I do not believe that removing pretend weapon play at young ages will prevent those types of tragedies from occurring. (What might help is providing early intervention and counseling to troubled youth and their families.)
My guess is that these zero-tolerance policies are not intended to prevent incidents, but to provide legal cover should a lawsuit arise. Such policies may even be required by insurers. As a taxpayer, I feel otherwise ineffective rules are worth lower insurance rates. As a parent, I will support the school's policies. But, it is frustrating that so much administrative attention—and thus school funds—focus on these types of rules when our educational system is so desperate for resources.
Kathleen Schoening, a contributor to Moms Talk, adds:
No guns or gunplay at school is a must. That starts at the preschool level. Guns have a place and it is not in the school. No exceptions. Respect is also a must.
No imaginative play of superheroes at school? I would want to see that written school policy.
I think of when I was younger and of my first superhero. The person was not from the pages of a magazine but from the big screen.
It was John Wayne. John Wayne was bigger than life (no, I am not that old). John Wayne rode into town on his horse, carrying a gun to save the town from a bank robber or a purse snatcher. He was a hero not only as an actor but also as an activist. Jimmy Carter said of John Wayne, "It was because of what John Wayne said about what we are and what we can be that his great and deep love of America can be returned in full measure."
John Wayne was a superhero to many.
Not only is imaginative play of superheroes extremely important to a child’s development, it helps us educate them about what superheroes truly are. Superheroes can be real lessons on history and the individuals in our history who impact our world.
Now, if my daughter wanted to play superheroes at school and wanted to play John Wayne or Amelia Earhart and the school wanted to write her up, I think we would have a sit down with the school. School policy or not.
Volunteer jobs
http://livermore.patch.com/articles/moms-talk-how-much-volunteering-is-enough
Moms Talk: How Much Volunteering is Enough?
Volunteer jobs can be both energizing and fatiguing for moms.
By Cameron Sullivan | Email the author | February 9, 2011
11 Comments
Each Wednesday, Patch will publish a column called Moms Talk where our panel of mom experts will pose a question and give answers and advice on a topic.
It was December of 2007. I’d decided to increase my work hours and was enjoying new intellectual stimulation and income. But by 3 p.m. daily, I was so frazzled I had to hide in a corner secretly consuming dark chocolate just to survive homework time. At night, I slept poorly.
Taking stock, I realized that volunteer efforts for schools and organizations my children belonged to interfered with the aspect of life I held most sacred: Quality family time.
From newsletter production and sponsor solicitation to in-class writing lessons for first graders, creative work for a proposed museum, and writing workshops for elementary school GATE kids (which my kids didn’t attend), I was contributing more than a healthy amount.
Soon I stopped any volunteer work that consumed more than two hours of personal time per week. I worried that fellow moms were surprised or disappointed. When I returned to some volunteer work in September of 2008, I stuck to projects needing skills I could offer uniquely, jobs that invigorated– not drained – me.
The result is a more balanced mom who knows when to speak up if optional work gets overwhelming. Now is the time of year when boards of directors are looking to recruit new volunteers for 2011 or for the next academic year.
How do you decide what kind of volunteer work to do, and how much time you’re willing to give? Should some moms volunteer more or less than other moms, and why? How do you manage volunteer fatigue?
Another Mom's Council contributor, Kathleen Schoening says:
I love the question. Why? Because I think there is a careful balance of volunteering in your children’s life and letting your children’s life become yours.
There is a group of us where our kids attend the same coop preschool and go to many of the same kids activities. My husband and I have had the privilege of getting to know the instructors, the parents and the children.
We volunteer our time because we want our daughter to know we are there to support her in life. However, when volunteering in the classroom or other activities, sometimes you see things that as a parent your heart drops but as a volunteer your role in that situation includes not only your child but all involved and you have to step back.
So maybe your kid is pushed, maybe he is picked last for the game or maybe there is a verbal dispute. You have to be keep yourself in check and realize life happens when you are not there. Also and just as important, is how you react as a volunteer demonstrates to your child life lessons.
We try and keep ourselves in careful balance because as volunteers we know more because we are there; we experience more because we are there.
It is a balance. It is something to be honest with as a parent and as a volunteer I sometimes struggle with. If you find yourself volunteering in all your children’s activities, has your child’s life become yours?
Patch Mom Council contributor, Gerry Gaisser writes:
I think a lot of us learn the hard way that there's a line that can be easily crossed when it comes to volunteering too much time at our children's schools. As Cameron points out, if you don't learn how to say no early, a few hours of volunteer time can turn into a full-time job if you let it.
I have two rules of thumb for volunteering at my child's school. Number one, I want to know what I'm actually signing up for. Before I put myself on yet another committee, I talk to current members of the committee to find out how work is allocated among the group and try to get a reasonable estimation of time involved. It helps to know other moms who may volunteer with you on projects so you have people you can depend on.
Number two, I do it because I want to and because I want to get involved or give back to the school community in some way. I believe in volunteering at our schools. I believe the more we get involved as parents, the better our understanding is of our own educational system, and the better our educational system gets with parents who care.
I also believe volunteering sends the right message to our kids, that we're an integral part of their education and that we care about what they do on a day to day basis. That said, I think all moms should make an effort to volunteer when they can. I think throughout the school year it's possible for everyone to take a turn at lending a hand at some point, whether it be working in a child's classroom, escorting on a field trip, or helping out at Bingo night.
But by all means, whatever you do, avoid the biggest no-no in volunteering. Don't sign up for something and then bail on doing it when the time comes. That's just awful.
Deborah May, a contributor to Patch's Mom Council, says:
I try to spend my volunteer time doing things that I highly value. With three elementary age children my focus now is volunteering at school, but even then there are more opportunities than time. I try to avoid things that don’t directly impact the quality of education, because that is important to me personally and I know I won’t resent the time and effort I spend.
I also try to ask myself, “Am I helping the teachers?” With the increasing class sizes teachers are busier than ever and rely heavily on parent involvement. Those two points keep me focused and help me determine what I should say "no" to.
Should some moms volunteer more than others? While each person has different resources — time, energy, and talent — nearly everyone has something to contribute. Stay-at-home moms do much of the volunteering, and I do believe that working parents should do more, but not just moms — dads too!
Unfortunately, willing parents are not always sure how to get involved. Volunteer coordinators could do a better job of reaching out beyond their traditional groups and structuring opportunities so working parents can participate.
How do you manage to balance your volunteer work with other demands? Tell us in the comments.
Moms Talk: How Much Volunteering is Enough?
Volunteer jobs can be both energizing and fatiguing for moms.
By Cameron Sullivan | Email the author | February 9, 2011
11 Comments
Each Wednesday, Patch will publish a column called Moms Talk where our panel of mom experts will pose a question and give answers and advice on a topic.
It was December of 2007. I’d decided to increase my work hours and was enjoying new intellectual stimulation and income. But by 3 p.m. daily, I was so frazzled I had to hide in a corner secretly consuming dark chocolate just to survive homework time. At night, I slept poorly.
Taking stock, I realized that volunteer efforts for schools and organizations my children belonged to interfered with the aspect of life I held most sacred: Quality family time.
From newsletter production and sponsor solicitation to in-class writing lessons for first graders, creative work for a proposed museum, and writing workshops for elementary school GATE kids (which my kids didn’t attend), I was contributing more than a healthy amount.
Soon I stopped any volunteer work that consumed more than two hours of personal time per week. I worried that fellow moms were surprised or disappointed. When I returned to some volunteer work in September of 2008, I stuck to projects needing skills I could offer uniquely, jobs that invigorated– not drained – me.
The result is a more balanced mom who knows when to speak up if optional work gets overwhelming. Now is the time of year when boards of directors are looking to recruit new volunteers for 2011 or for the next academic year.
How do you decide what kind of volunteer work to do, and how much time you’re willing to give? Should some moms volunteer more or less than other moms, and why? How do you manage volunteer fatigue?
Another Mom's Council contributor, Kathleen Schoening says:
I love the question. Why? Because I think there is a careful balance of volunteering in your children’s life and letting your children’s life become yours.
There is a group of us where our kids attend the same coop preschool and go to many of the same kids activities. My husband and I have had the privilege of getting to know the instructors, the parents and the children.
We volunteer our time because we want our daughter to know we are there to support her in life. However, when volunteering in the classroom or other activities, sometimes you see things that as a parent your heart drops but as a volunteer your role in that situation includes not only your child but all involved and you have to step back.
So maybe your kid is pushed, maybe he is picked last for the game or maybe there is a verbal dispute. You have to be keep yourself in check and realize life happens when you are not there. Also and just as important, is how you react as a volunteer demonstrates to your child life lessons.
We try and keep ourselves in careful balance because as volunteers we know more because we are there; we experience more because we are there.
It is a balance. It is something to be honest with as a parent and as a volunteer I sometimes struggle with. If you find yourself volunteering in all your children’s activities, has your child’s life become yours?
Patch Mom Council contributor, Gerry Gaisser writes:
I think a lot of us learn the hard way that there's a line that can be easily crossed when it comes to volunteering too much time at our children's schools. As Cameron points out, if you don't learn how to say no early, a few hours of volunteer time can turn into a full-time job if you let it.
I have two rules of thumb for volunteering at my child's school. Number one, I want to know what I'm actually signing up for. Before I put myself on yet another committee, I talk to current members of the committee to find out how work is allocated among the group and try to get a reasonable estimation of time involved. It helps to know other moms who may volunteer with you on projects so you have people you can depend on.
Number two, I do it because I want to and because I want to get involved or give back to the school community in some way. I believe in volunteering at our schools. I believe the more we get involved as parents, the better our understanding is of our own educational system, and the better our educational system gets with parents who care.
I also believe volunteering sends the right message to our kids, that we're an integral part of their education and that we care about what they do on a day to day basis. That said, I think all moms should make an effort to volunteer when they can. I think throughout the school year it's possible for everyone to take a turn at lending a hand at some point, whether it be working in a child's classroom, escorting on a field trip, or helping out at Bingo night.
But by all means, whatever you do, avoid the biggest no-no in volunteering. Don't sign up for something and then bail on doing it when the time comes. That's just awful.
Deborah May, a contributor to Patch's Mom Council, says:
I try to spend my volunteer time doing things that I highly value. With three elementary age children my focus now is volunteering at school, but even then there are more opportunities than time. I try to avoid things that don’t directly impact the quality of education, because that is important to me personally and I know I won’t resent the time and effort I spend.
I also try to ask myself, “Am I helping the teachers?” With the increasing class sizes teachers are busier than ever and rely heavily on parent involvement. Those two points keep me focused and help me determine what I should say "no" to.
Should some moms volunteer more than others? While each person has different resources — time, energy, and talent — nearly everyone has something to contribute. Stay-at-home moms do much of the volunteering, and I do believe that working parents should do more, but not just moms — dads too!
Unfortunately, willing parents are not always sure how to get involved. Volunteer coordinators could do a better job of reaching out beyond their traditional groups and structuring opportunities so working parents can participate.
How do you manage to balance your volunteer work with other demands? Tell us in the comments.
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