In honor of Memorial Day...

An American Soldier by Toby Keith

I’m just tryin’ to be a father, raise a daughter and a son
Be a lover to their mother, everythin’ to everyone
Up and at ‘em bright and early, I’m all business in my suit
Yeah I’m dressed up for success, from my head down to my boots
I don’t do it for money, there’s bills I that I can’t pay
I don’t do it for the glory, I just do it anyway
Providing for our future’s, my responsibility
Yeah I’m real good under pressure, being all that I can be
And I can’t call in sick on Mondays when the weekend’s been too strong
I just work straight through the holidays, and sometimes all night long
You can bet that I stand ready, when the wolf growls at the door
Hey I’m solid, hey I’m steady, hey I’m true down to the core.

And I will always do my duty no matter what the price
I’ve counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice
Oh and I don’t want to die for you, but if dyin’s asked of me
I’ll bear that cross with honor, cause freedom don’t come free.

I’m an American Soldier an American
Beside my brothers and my sisters, I will proudly take a stand
When liberty’s in jeopardy, I will always do what’s right

I’m out here on the front lines, sleep in peace tonight
American Soldier, I’m and American, Soldier.

An American Soldier an American
Beside my brothers and my sisters, I will proudly take a stand
When liberty’s in jeopardy, I will always do what’s right
I’m out here on the front lines, sleep in peace tonight
American Soldier, I’m and American, an American, an American, Soldier.

“Mommy, when did you first love me?”

Emma asked me this the other day. In my head, thoughts swirled. How would I explain to Emma that her Daddy, others and I loved and prayed for her long before she was conceived? How do I someday explain infertility and lost pregnancies?

So I said as I held her, “The minute I knew you were a gift from God that I was to carry I loved you. The first time I held you in my arms I loved you. I have always loved you and always will. Sweetie,you know, every night before you go to bed I say, I love you more today, than I did yesterday or the day you were born. I love you now, I loved you then and I will love you furthermore. I do honey, I love you.”

Emma looked at me, “OK, Mommy, I love you too!"

Then she ran off. Her question answered for now.

Our daughter is a Girly girl.

Our daughter loves dress up, high heels, make up and jewelry.
She loves Princesses and crowns.



I however, knew very little about Princesses before Emma was born. I have learned from Emma now all about Ariel, Prince Eric, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and all the others. We have read, re-read and re-read the books dozens and dozens of times. "Once upon a time" and fairytale endings are what Emma thinks about.

Emma also loves to dance. Ms. Stacey is Emma's teacher and Emma just blossoms in her class. While Ms. Stacey was on Maternity leave, Emma had some adjustments and was not so happy to be in class.

Now, Ms. Stacey is back, Emma is loving and thriving in dance again. Emma is full of smiles when class is done.

Emma in her dance outfit for her upcoming dance recital at the Bankhead.


Emma was looking at me from her Princess make up table in the playroom.

It is still raw and real

So yesterday I went with others to videotape the reason why I Relay for ACS Relay of Livermore (hence why I wrote why I Relay yesterday). I had what I wanted to say on paper and as I started to read, tears filled my eyes and started to overflow onto my cheeks. I looked around the room and the three other young ladies inside the room had started to cry as well. Not a good thing when you want to videotape. I cleared my throat and started again. My feelings are raw and real and somehow, somehow I got through it.

It made me think how truly blessed I am.

From the fellow Relay Committee member who watched Emma while I videotaped, Syndie who watched Emma while Clark and I went out (to different functions) to the great women who I journeyed with to San Francisco last night to see Wicked and finally at the end of the night/early morning when I was able to climb into bed with my husband. It is not about our postage size home, our cars, our "stuff", It is about keeping raw and real with our relationships and filling them with grace and love.

Clark is feeling better and the reason I Relay

Thank you for asking. His GP e-mailed him on Monday and they exchanged notes. Clark says he feels better and his PET scan is scheduled for next month. So we pray and wait until then.

Many of you have asked why Clark stays with his oncologist who does not response in a timely manner. All I can say and some can attest too, is my husband is loyal to people (sometimes I think almost to a fault). Clark has to be the one to decide to change doctors and if I ever had to be a position to act on behalf of him I would follow his wishes. They might not be my strong personality character preference but they would be his. Clark is the one living with cancer not me.

So tonight I think of the reason why I Relay for the American Cancer Society.

My first thought was that I do not want to be a widow of a toddler. Purely selfish I know. I cannot imagine a life without Clark. I need a husband and a father in the upbringing of Emma. I Relay so that Emma has time to know her daddy and love him only as a daughter can. I Relay so that Clark and I can take her together to her first dance recital, her first day of kindergarten, high school graduation, college graduation and everything in between. I Relay so that God willing Clark will one day walk her down an aisle to be married. I Relay so that Emma remembers that Daddy was sick, but he was there fighting his cancer all the way.

I Relay so that Clark and I will grow old together and celebrate our Golden Anniversary. I Relay so one day my husband can say he is a cancer survivor. I Relay so that maybe some day our journey with him as a cancer patient and Emma and I as caregivers, will help others.

I Relay for my future sister in law. I Relay so that my brother and her can have a long, healthy life with hopefully many children. I Relay and pray that her cancer never comes back.

I Relay for my Grandma Broaddus who just lost her life to colon cancer. No grandmas, grandpas, moms, dads, aunts, uncles, sisters or brothers should have to fight cancer. I Relay so that one-day there will be cancer cures and not just treatments.

Prayers for Clark

For the last few weeks Clark has not felt up to par. He went to the doctors and had some tests done. A few tests came back not so normal. Clark e-mailed his oncologist on May 3rd to get more information. His oncologist has not contacted him back (real surprise there).

On Friday night, we were with friends and Clark said he thought no news was good news.

Then tonight, he said he is not feeling well and has not felt right for a few weeks with pins and needles going through his body along with some other ailments.

Clark e-mailed his general practitioner who we both know will respond within 2 days.

As a wife I am frustrated that his oncologist once again did not contact Clark. I actually think at times his oncologist does more harm than good when he does not respond. I do however, have hope that Clark's GP will contact him quickly.

So I ask for prayers for Clark. We will actually be at Walnut Creek Kaiser for me tomorrow and I pray that Clark will go over the cancer clinic and find out what the heck is going on. As a wife I am worried.

Flying the Flag

I remember the day my Grandma Laing died. In the living room of her apartment in downtown Pleasanton were two table top flags. One was the Sweden flag and the other was the U.S. flag.

My grandma was Swedish to the core of her soul, however since the family came to the U.S., they were Americans.

My grandma took great pride in being an American. She took responsibility in being an American and voted in every election. Grandma was loyal to the Democratic Party to the day she died. She was a Democrat when it meant something to be a Democrat, a Republican or an Independent.

One time my brother or my dad I forget which one now, put a Republican candidates sign in my grandma’s bushes outside so bystanders could see it and it took her a few days to find it. We laughed so hard and still think it is funny to this day years after Grandma passed away.

My grandma was also lucky enough to travel the world, learned about other cultures and respected their traditions. However, she always came home to her home, America.

So what does this have to do with anything? This week on the news, there were several stories about a Northern California school where boys wore t-shirts with the American flag on them on Cinco de Mayo and some Mexican students were offended. Whether this is the whole story or not, no one will never know except for the parties involved.

I know I would never dream of being in Mexico on the 4th of July and being offended if Mexico chose not to celebrate America's Independence Day.

Really to the root of the matter, this is America. It is with our freedom we fly our flag and have responsibilities as citizens. It is with our flag that men and women in the Service fight to protect and serve our country and the freedom it offers. It is with our flag we can proudly say we are Americans everyday.

What a long week it was...

between the Rummage Sale, doctors appointments for me and car stuff, my head was spinning like the chucky doll head does. Moms within our group and from other organizations contacted me to donate items for the rummage sale. It was such a blessing! As of today, Livermore Moms has raised $2,937 for their team with the American Cancer Society Relay of Life for Livermore. Everyone on our team has raised at least $100. Totally awesome and on our way for a Trail Blazer award.

On the day of the sale, Clark and I looked like hillbillies driving to the Holy Cross in the SUV and 4x4 piled high up in the sky. Clark was the man that day. Clark stayed to set up, he stayed throughout and then helped us to break down and donate stuff to a local organization. Here is a picture of some of us members of the Livermore Moms team. It is truly one of the best teams I have been on.



Prior the Rummage Sale, I went to the doctor for a follow up with an on going issue I have been having. With Kaiser, I had been with the same doctor for years, in fact Clark goes to the same GP as me. Then I realized this week the time I had to drive to see the doctor, the wait time in the office and then home again was sometimes up to 3 hours.

Finally this week I changed to a local GP at Kasier. The new doctor did not agree with my old doctor on the health issue I have been having and actually showed me books and test results on his reasons why. It is kind of strange if what the new doctor says turns out to be true then my best friend and I will have another thing in common. The next few weeks will determine the results. In the meantime my food intake has had to change dramatically with the long laundry list of items he does not want me to eat.

Then the car, more specifically, the Mazda CX9 we have. I took it in for a simple oil change and lo and behold my tires were bald. I went to a local tire store that was recommended. Apparently our tire is unusual due to its size and they could not get it until sometime next week.

I knew then I had to laugh because the Mazda was the one of the cars being used for transport "stuff" to the Rummage Sale. I knew my team mates would help if I called but after a series of calls, the tire company was able to get the tires. In fact they put the new tires on the day before the Rummage Sale (just in the nick of time!). The tire company also called and let us know Emma had left her "T" (her lovie the lobster) behind and they would hold it for us. The service was incredible. I would definitely recommend Americas Tire in Livermore and will go back!

Some random pictures of Emma taken this week. Emma loves being a princess, having tea parties and just being lovable Emma.