Relay High

So tonight I cut the purple wrist band off. I had been hesitant for the last few days to take it off. After all the wrist band was given at Relay. Taking it off represented the end of Relay weekend. The end of a weekend of roller coaster rides of emotion and reflection both as a wife, mother, caregiver, friend and team captain. I was not sure if I wanted it to end.

I thought of all that was shared, the laughter and the tears. I thought of Clark and I and the others who spoke on stage and wondered if the audience knew that before cancer, neither Clark or I would have been inclined to step forward.

Ok, I might have, but Clark never would have. My husband prior to cancer was an introvert to a degree and the pure fact that he even participated in the Prettiest Male contest half dressed still amazes me. He said it best Saturday night at Relay on stage that "Cancer gives new beginnings" and that is so true. I feel in love with him all over again that night.

I think of the video that showed my new friends telling why they relayed. At the end of the video, was me. As I watched myself, I cried. My feelings in that video are so raw but real and I cannot believe on how open I was with my feelings. I think as a cancer caregiver it gave me courage I never thought I had.

I thought of Emma. Our sweet Emma who was so brave while Clark was under going treatment. She never gave up hope that Daddy would get better . She did not stay the night with us at Relay, but my brother came with his soon to be wife (another cancer survivor) and was kind enough to take care of her overnight.



I think of being a Team Captain. I somehow managed as a newbie to muddle through Relay but think of all the things I could have done better or different. I thought of all the questions I should have asked of Committee but also of the many new things I learned and the recommendations I have. I also thought of how our team had to walk more because I had a concussion a few weeks back and heat makes the vertigo bad.



My team mates were really the best and all the reasons they relayed were so similar to ours. I said an extra prayer to one of our team mates who is a widow of a small child and the Saturday of Relay was her deceased husband's birthday (he died of cancer). I can only imagine how difficult it was on her and yet she made our team dinner. I know that dinner was made with love and that day she was my hero.

I also think of other team mate who lost her dad and grandpa in the last 9 weeks not due to cancer but sudden unexpected death. I would have hugged and held her hand all night if need be instead at times she held my hand and for that I am forever grateful.

I think of the Relay Committee. The Committee really is an impressive group of people. I know in my heart some of these people will be live long friends. They welcomed us into their home so to speak and we felt their love.

I think of what role will we/I play in next year's Relay. Will I be a Team Captain, will be a team member or will I want to try an expanded role on Committee. I am not sure.

What I am sure of is that we will miss the Relay Team Captains Wrap Up meeting tomorrow night. Emma will be dancing with Xtreme Force Dance Company at the Alameda County Fair. The one thing that cancer enforced to both Clark and I is family comes first. Emma will only dance at the fair for the first time once and together Clark and I will be there. Together as her parents we will watch with love.

We will miss the get together tomorrow night, but our memory of this year's Relay will be foever etched in our minds.

Note: One of the gifts both Clark and I received unfortunately from Relay was the stomach flu. I came home with it on Sunday and now Clark has it. We have photos of Committee, Team Captains,etc. and our additions to the photos should be done soon.

Relay for Life of Livermore 2010

There are still many more pictures to come from Relay for Life of Livermore 2010. However, a huge shout goes out to the Livermore Moms and the Trailbrazer award we received. We one out of 4 teams to achieve this honor. WELL DONE LIVERMORE MOMS!


Livermore Moms Camp

Clark and Joe

Karen

George and Donna

Praise God!

Clark's PET scan came back good and there is no need for another scan until November. The oncologist said if nothing at that time, the port can come out. YEAH!

One of the best projects ever!

Emma recently received fabric paints and plain t-shirts as a gift. Emma opened the paints yesterday and what a great project it was! She smeared yellow and pink paint on the shirt and then I asked Emma" Do you want Mommy to help?"

Emma:"Sure Mommy, draw some flowers." Since she had already spread paint on the shirt, I drew flowers around the colors.

Emma: "Mommy, can you make the flowers into trees and can we have a swing on one, like the swing we have in the backyard? Can you be pushing me? Or can you draw three swings, one for me, one for you and one for Daddy with grass underneath. I can be wearing a purple dress and so can you. Daddy can be shorts. O Mommy, we need the sun, and a butterfly and we cannot forget the silly monster."

It was such a delightful time. And now, when Emma wears the shirt, I will have the memory of us making it together.



(Alicia~thank you again for the awesome gift ).

Disneyland one more time

and it will be our last for a while. This was an important trip in many ways. This was the first time in over a year that Clark did not have to use a disability pass and I did not have to be caregiver. We got to stand in lines for rides. It might not seem that important to some but being part of a "crowd" sometimes is worth it. We especially loved being in the "crowd" to see the latest show "World of Color". Truly it was amazing.

It was our first vacation ever that we paid cash for everything that we did except for the mini suite which we shared with the Cunninghams'. It was much easier than I thought.

Especially since an Island will be calling for my brother's wedding this Fall and we are so excited to go.

This weekend is the American Cancer Society Relay for Life of Livermore. The team Livermore Moms has raised $4,292.27 and we are so jazzed to be part of it.

LAST YEAR AT RELAY AND THIS YEAR.
The last two pictures of this post show Clark in 2009 at the Relay in Livermore.

It is a far cry from Clark today as you can tell from the first photo in this post taken last week.

Life in Disney terms has been a Fast Pass the last year with Clark, Emma and I; but now we like to stay in preferred seating for a while where the view is much better.

DISNEYLAND 2010



ALMOST A YEAR AGO 2009 AT RELAY

This weekend on Saturday was the Livermore Rodeo Parade and we were blessed to be on the float for the Relay for Life of Livermore. After the parade, we went to the dedication of sweet Jayden and congratulated beautiful Kylie on her graduation.

On Sunday, was Emma's big day for dance recital at the Bankhead. The dancers did well.

We start them young...UCB in like 14 years?

Emma participated in a lab at UCB (her 4th time).


Emma received a shirt and diploma.


She was so excited to have gone and get a feel for the campus again.


Then we played at the Berkeley Marina.


One of the Bay Area's best places to play.


A beautiful day.


A perfect day to skip lots of rocks.

Relay of Life Video

So on May 24th of this year, Clark, Emma and I attended the American Cancer Society Relay of Life for Livermore 2010 Survivor's birthday celebration. It was a honor to attend but the video of the Relay happenings in 2009 shown made me cry, okay more than cry, it was more like a sob. I had not forgotten that almost a year before the situation that we were facing.

A year ago Clark had just started chemo treatment. We thought our world was coming to an end and in some ways it was (and only now do we see the sprouts of new growth from our journey of the last year). In the midst of all of this, Emma and I went to a Relay breakfast at Celebration church down the street from our house and that is where the picture in the video was taken. I remember being worn out, stressed out and thinking of Clark in bed sick.

Flash forward to this year. In the middle of above mentioned video, there is a picture of Emma and I. I look at it now and think-wow-I look like a dear in the headlights. The photographer had taken not only a picture of us but really got what was going on in my soul.

This year is so different. This year, not only are we on a Relay Team-Livemore Moms that has been so incredible (and almost raised $4K now), we have taken simple roles as photographers on Relay committee. What visions we see through our own lenses are so different. We are now on the other end, no longer the dears in the headlights, but feel life to such a larger degree, but still...that Relay video makes me weep.

Note: This video is posted on the Relay For Life of Livermore Facebook page.

A flurry of the last few weeks...

My brother mentioned to me yesterday that I do not update the blog as often as I used too. And he is right. I really should have blogged when he got engaged recently. I love his bride to be. It will be a honor to call her my sister in law.

A small weird fact is that my soon to be sister in law is third cousins with someone I met in third grade and now lunch with on an occasion. Life is just a small world after all and there always seems to be 6 degrees of separation.

Another reason for lack of writing is about 2 weeks I got a mild concussion and as result headaches and apparent Vertigo have been a part of my life. Fun, fun, fun. This too shall pass.

Among other notes of interest, Clark turned 43 and once again Emma and I made him a cake. Emma actually wrote "Dad" herself.



Emma turned 4 in the beginning of June and there was a three day festival. From cupcakes with classmates and playgroup to a BBQ with family and friends. Celebrating her birthday is a joyous time for Clark and I.