Relay High

So tonight I cut the purple wrist band off. I had been hesitant for the last few days to take it off. After all the wrist band was given at Relay. Taking it off represented the end of Relay weekend. The end of a weekend of roller coaster rides of emotion and reflection both as a wife, mother, caregiver, friend and team captain. I was not sure if I wanted it to end.

I thought of all that was shared, the laughter and the tears. I thought of Clark and I and the others who spoke on stage and wondered if the audience knew that before cancer, neither Clark or I would have been inclined to step forward.

Ok, I might have, but Clark never would have. My husband prior to cancer was an introvert to a degree and the pure fact that he even participated in the Prettiest Male contest half dressed still amazes me. He said it best Saturday night at Relay on stage that "Cancer gives new beginnings" and that is so true. I feel in love with him all over again that night.

I think of the video that showed my new friends telling why they relayed. At the end of the video, was me. As I watched myself, I cried. My feelings in that video are so raw but real and I cannot believe on how open I was with my feelings. I think as a cancer caregiver it gave me courage I never thought I had.

I thought of Emma. Our sweet Emma who was so brave while Clark was under going treatment. She never gave up hope that Daddy would get better . She did not stay the night with us at Relay, but my brother came with his soon to be wife (another cancer survivor) and was kind enough to take care of her overnight.



I think of being a Team Captain. I somehow managed as a newbie to muddle through Relay but think of all the things I could have done better or different. I thought of all the questions I should have asked of Committee but also of the many new things I learned and the recommendations I have. I also thought of how our team had to walk more because I had a concussion a few weeks back and heat makes the vertigo bad.



My team mates were really the best and all the reasons they relayed were so similar to ours. I said an extra prayer to one of our team mates who is a widow of a small child and the Saturday of Relay was her deceased husband's birthday (he died of cancer). I can only imagine how difficult it was on her and yet she made our team dinner. I know that dinner was made with love and that day she was my hero.

I also think of other team mate who lost her dad and grandpa in the last 9 weeks not due to cancer but sudden unexpected death. I would have hugged and held her hand all night if need be instead at times she held my hand and for that I am forever grateful.

I think of the Relay Committee. The Committee really is an impressive group of people. I know in my heart some of these people will be live long friends. They welcomed us into their home so to speak and we felt their love.

I think of what role will we/I play in next year's Relay. Will I be a Team Captain, will be a team member or will I want to try an expanded role on Committee. I am not sure.

What I am sure of is that we will miss the Relay Team Captains Wrap Up meeting tomorrow night. Emma will be dancing with Xtreme Force Dance Company at the Alameda County Fair. The one thing that cancer enforced to both Clark and I is family comes first. Emma will only dance at the fair for the first time once and together Clark and I will be there. Together as her parents we will watch with love.

We will miss the get together tomorrow night, but our memory of this year's Relay will be foever etched in our minds.

Note: One of the gifts both Clark and I received unfortunately from Relay was the stomach flu. I came home with it on Sunday and now Clark has it. We have photos of Committee, Team Captains,etc. and our additions to the photos should be done soon.