Happy Halloween

A Halloween Tradition Continues Tomorrow

Every year for as long as I can remember my family has craved pumpkins together. This year thankfully even with Clark having cancer it will be no different. We gather as many people in our family as we can and it is BYOP (Bring your own pumpkin) craving event. Tomorrow will be the day.

Halloween 2008-Emma and some of the pumpkins.

We also have a pumpkin trophy. This trophy is awarded to the house that has had the most trick or treaters for Halloween night.


A graph is created by a family member in their respective city for overall total and frequency from 6-9pm ( it is certified of course). The graph and pictures of the pumpkins for each year are placed in the trophy.


Livermore has dominated the trick or treater trophy for 9 out of the last 11 years. We hope that this year will be no different.

Daddy and Halloween

Since I have been in bed for the last 5 days, Clark has to do all the work regarding Emma. From school to ballet to baths to bed and some food in between, Clark has done it all.

Since this was Halloween week for dance and school, Clark even to had to get Emma dressed in her Princess costume and do her hair. At times it has been amusing and other times I wish I had been well enough to help.

This will always be the year of Daddy and Halloween!

Shots and Radiation

A few weeks back Clark, Emma and I went to Kaiser and got our flu shots. I had contacted Emma's doctor beforehand and specifically asked if she should get the flu mist (a live virus) or the flu shot (a dead virus). I was told that Emma needed to get the flu shot based on Clark's condition.

So we are in the flu shot clinic and the nurse says, "Yeah, we don't like to give 3 years old the shot." I told her Clark had cancer and it was imperative that Emma get the shot based on her doctor's orders. The nurse's displeasure was obvious. It was like I was the awful parent who likes to have her kid get shots. Emma did fine with the shot. She did not squirm or shed a tear. She was a great team player.

Fast forward to earlier this week. Clark went to the flu clinic with his doctor's note in hand specifically saying he needed the H1N1 shot. The nurse said they were not taking doctor's notes and Clark would have to wait to come another time. So, my husband the sarcastic man he is at times, said to the lady,"so if I die from H1N1, do I blame you?" The lady looked at him. Clark went on to say,"So you are going to deny me the shot?" The lady looked at him and said "well we are not taking doctors notes" and Clark said, "yeah, I have cancer."

Finally, finally the lady got the point,my husband needed the shot and it was finally, finally given to him.

No one here likes shots, but if given the choice between extending my husband's life by taking a preventive measure, we will.

I say this as I have not left the island of the bedroom in 4 days. I have peered out the door and the natives must have had some type of tribal celebration and hope they get the cleaning crew to come before I leave the island.

Clark also went to his radiation walk through today. He starts daily radiation on Tuesday. There is finally light at the end of this long tunnel.

H1N1 and us

I am hesitant to write about this. In fact almost decided against it, but realized this too is a part of our life.

Last week Emma came down with a a fever and a sore throat. She was very sick and I took her into the on call doctor who said it was a virus. To be on the safe side we kept her home from school all week.

It was a full week of activities for me from Bingo, to a fighting breast cancer fundraising event, to the Livermore Moms Pumpkin Patch (such an awesome time), to visiting with my brother and finally "me" time. Always busy but I was really relishing the "me" time.

Clark had left on Friday for the weekend on a church mens retreat. After being together almost everyday for 10 months it was nice to have a little break.

But then...

I got sick. Diaherra, chills, sweats and the sore throat. It hit hard. I had to call Clark at the retreat on Sunday for him to come home. I could not take care of Emma and I could not take care of myself. Speaking was difficult.

When Clark came home, I was running a temperature. He called Kaiser. Thankfully I was able to keep the temperature low enough to keep out of the ER and see the doctor today.

However, I had/have no energy. None. Clark had to drive me and we took Emma. Clark and I share the same doctor. After a series of questions, the doctor said he thought not only did he think I had H1N1 but more than likely Emma had it the week before (but since the on call doctor did not do a swab we will not know). I was ordered to have a few blood tests, a throat culture and a chest xray. I cannot go out until the fever blows.

And poor Clark. Because of my sickness, our GP called his oncologist and Clark because he was symptom free had to get the H1N1 shot. We all had gotten the flu shots but the H1N1 was not available at that time.

For now I am quarantined in our bedroom until the fever breaks. The last thing we want is Clark to get sick, his immune system is already comprised and H1N1 could shut it down. The good thing is bonding I can hear Emma and Clark having. I hear lots of giggles and laughter and it does my heart good.

True Friends Make Life Real

Recently I had a conversation with a girlfriend that was just eye opening. We were in a gathering of women and what started out as a general conversation between the two of us turned very intimate very quickly.

She said "Look around this room, your husband has cancer, that woman other there was a child with a drug problem and that woman over that has a husband that died last year. Everyone here has difficulties of some sort or another. It is how you define yourself in those difficulties that makes you who you are."

Wow. My friend just gave me something to really think about. How is it that I define myself now (compared to a year ago) and how will I define myself in the future. Who have I been? Who will I become?

Then today I saw this and loved it "In light of the challenges so many of my friends face, my tests of faith seem so petty."

Another wow moment for me. Something more to think about. My challenges are so minor when others carry such heavy burdens. My faith needs to be so much more.

Thank you Julie and Christiaan for giving me some things to think about and keeping life real.

A follow up and the best

Some of you who read my last post have e-mailed me privately saying that patients need to be fully recovered from chemo before radiation and that is so true.

What scares me, yes scares me is that Clark is not cancer free. While the tumor is smaller it is still there. With such a long duration between treatments I have to wonder if the tumor will grow and I pray that it does not.

While I have been more than vocal about Clark's doctor I recently found hope within Kaiser. It has a new cancer treatment in Oakland. Apparently for example, "patients with a newly diagnosed breast cancer will have the option to participate in a clinic where they will be able to meet with a surgeon, a medical oncologist and radiation oncologist – all in the same visit – to get expert options and a coordinated care plan."*

What a great concept. In fact, recently a friend who works in Kaiser HR told us that if Clark needs to have treatment in the future to try and get into Oakland's cancer center. It said to be the best Kaiser place to be treated when you have cancer.

And truly when it comes down to it, you want the best. You want doctors, nurses and administrators to be the best and not numbed by seeing a thousand patients. You want understanding, compassion and follow through.

But ultimately you want to be cured. You want the best, because you deserve the best, because no one, no one deserves to have cancer.


*Kaiser Press Release-Northern California-May 1, 2009.

Radiation therapy walk through

Clark met with a doctor today about radiation therapy (basically using high-dose x-rays or other high-energy rays to kill cancer cells). We know he will have therapy anywhere from 4-6 weeks. Each treatment will last about 10 minutes and will feel like a moderate sunburn. His first walk through without actual treatment is October 28th. Fine, fair enough. We want Clark to be healthy again.

However, the business person in me wonders why it takes from 9/11 (date of Clark's last chemo treatment) to now to even set up a walk through of the radiation treatment. It seems that when he had his last chemo, the authorization and the first appointment should have been arranged for radiation. I guess when you have doctors, nurses, administrators, health care plans, patients and vendors it can be a snail's pace process. I wonder how many people get lost in this snail trail. Streamlining in today's modern age could speed things up making the process more effective and efficient for all parties involved.

It will be almost 7 weeks from his last chemo to the walk through of radiation . To me, that seems a long time. It fact, excessively long when you add in the fact that he still does not have an actual date for the radiation.

There is nothing like Fall

When I was a kid I loved summers. I counted down the days to beaches and BBQ's. Now as an adult, there is nothing like Fall. I love sweaters, wearing seasoned Levi's and flip flops (yes flip flops).

I love the crispness in the air and the leaves that fall from the trees. I love in the evening wearing wool socks, being near a warm fireplace and hot drinks.

Fall also indicates a countdown to the end of year and there is a certain rhythm to the months. September is back to school. October is Pumpkin Patches and Halloween. November is Veterans Day and Thanksgiving. December is full of holiday parties and Christmas dinners.

Then before you know it, the ball is dropping and the New Year has started. We are hoping when the fireworks go off in the New Year that we will be celebrating Clark being cancer free.

As an adult the years are going by too fast. Fall will come and go and next thing you know, we will be in the middle of winter. Well, as middle of winter as one can get in California and then it is spring, summer and back to Fall.

There is really nothing like the Fall...

O no Clark's Big Toe

Friday was a night of thrills to say the least. Clark rolled the outside trashcan over his big toe causing it to be a bloody mess. Normally we would just clean it up and move forward, but when you have cancer, sickness and injury take on a whole new meaning.

I remember when Clark was first diagnosed with cancer our general practitioner said at that time if Clark ever had to go to the ER, that we were to keep him in the car while I checked him in. Clark is under no circumstance to sit in the waiting room of an ER to see a doctor because of all the germs that are housed there. Needless to say, we thankfully were able to clean it up based on Kaiser’s advice and the doctor saw Clark on Saturday. He had to be given a tetanus shot and will hopefully mend soon.

As Clark wobbled about on Saturday, we prepared for a Latino wedding of a family friend. The wedding was huge. The music was live and the dance floor was hopping. Emma loved it.

It was a first for Clark and I. The wedding and reception was 99% spoken in Spanish. While we could not understand most of what was being said, we saw, more importantly, with our eyes the love the bride and groom had. Truly romantic.








Here is a video of Emma dancing. I said it is Take Two because a different video is posted on Facebook.

Paperwork Please!

In this day and age while getting medical care at an institution that promotes and prides itself on a computerized record keeping system, I had to shrug when my husband called the place to get radiation. The vendor said they are waiting for the paperwork from his doctor. I just about fell out of my chair when I heard this. Seriously. We have known since Clark started chemo that he would need radiation and the paperwork was just filled out by his doctor on Tuesday! I am not really sure why this was not taken care of beforehand.

The ambiguity in which Clark is treated by his doctor is nuts.

The vendor told Clark on Tuesday to call back in a week if they do not call him in the meantime. While it has been almost week, my husband is afraid to rock the boat and get back on the phone to find out where the paperwork is. So we wait, wonder and ask where is the paperwork please!

I am sure it is a bitter pill to swallow for Clark when I had to see a specialist within our medical group on Monday. I was referred to another area and that other area called yesterday. It really helps I think when a doctor partners with you and helps you be an advocate for good health. Enough said.

On to other things. We had such a busy week and time just passed by too quickly. Yesterday after school, we went with David, Delilah and Kris to San Francisco to watch the Blue Angels practice. Emma LOVED it and so did Delilah.

After coming home, I went and watched my best friend Terilynn play keyboards with the band Hazerfan at the Little Fox in Redwood City. I have seen them play before but there is something to be said when there is a fiddler in the band.

Names and slight variations have been made to protect the parties involved.

Dear YZ,

We were not aware of any supposed infringement of trademark until we received both of your letters. XYZ was founded in 1993. For the last 16 years, our organization has used the name on a local basis without incident.

While we may or may not agree with your letters, a name change occurred. Our new name is XY. Now you can imagine after being an organization that serves its community and surrounding areas for such a long period, the transition to our new name will take time. We have done a due diligence on completing this task and hope to have all items taken care of shortly.

If you as YZ decides to take any legal action against our group as you have stated in both of your letters a court will see we have strived to complete our name change in a timely manner.

Sincerely,


However when I wrote this letter as one of the directors, I also wrote this letter to XY:


A Note from our Directors:

XY. XY. That is our new name. The name that you as members voted on since a letter was received from a representative of the XYZ™ notifying us that we had to change our name because YZ was infringing on their trademark rights. We were astonished that the phrase “YZ” could be trademarked! However, after some investigation, we concluded that we would indeed need to change our name.

So after being XYZ since 1993 we have had many changes to make.

Our Board has worked diligently to make changes to reflect the new name as quickly as we can.

While there is still some work to be done, XY is emerging and I am proud to say I am one.

I pray XY will be done with the change shortly and move forward. I thank everyone who was involved in making this occur quickly.

Crossroads

By Me

Have you ever been at a crossroads in your life?
I think often times in my life when there is intersections of roads will I take the one chosen for me or will I choose a different route?
Will I repeat the journeys of my family or create my own path?
Will an undercurrent tow me in or will I leap out with the waves?
Will I listen to the voice that beckons my name or even hear the call?
Will I sway with the trees or make new growth?
What will I do when faced at the crossroads?
Will I hold on tight or let go?

One of my favorite poems is “The Road Not Taken”
By Robert Frost (1874–1963).

The Road Not Taken
"TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

A year ago

One year ago, Clark could not lift his arm from his side (and at the time doctors were telling Clark he had pulled a muscle but in reality it was because the tumor engulfed the backside of his shoulder). With God's grace (and even though Clark is not cancer free yet), not only is Clark able to lift Emma up with both arms but he can have Emma rest on his shoulders with minimum pain.

Emma loves to perch on daddy's shoulders and you can tell from Clark's face he loves having her there.

Have a nice day!

We took a short trip to Disneyland recently. We have learned that annual passes are the best. We stay at an economical hotel that has a free breakfast, pack a lunch and try to order kids meals if we eat anything at the park (really they are the perfect size). We try to be frugal and have fun.

We plan a much longer trip after Clark's radiation but for now we needed a healthy breather from cancer and treatments.

Yesterday as our bags were being searched getting into Disneyland, the Disneyland employee said very kindly to us, "Have a nice day". Wow, what a great thing to say to us as we floated on her words into the park. We understood she must see thousands of people a day and search all kinds of bags but she had a great attitude. She made our day a bit brighter and I bet everyone she said that too (and I am sure we were not the only ones) felt radiated by her goodness.

So, may the sun rays warm your soul, may the gentle winds hug you you like a friend and may your day be filled with goodness.

Have a nice day!