From my perspective. In the last year I have watched my husband get sick, lose his hair and try to muddle through the indignities of cancer and the treatment that is needed to survive.
Watching him lose the hair on his head, lose his eyebrows, eyelashes and patches of hair other places was hard. Clark said at times he felt like a mutant.
When we had to use disability passes at places where there was excessive standing like Disneyland, Clark did not want to use the pass. However in the beginning many months ago, he tired so easily it was a necessity.
This time, Clark had his hair back and some energy. We got the handicap pass but he was determined not to use it.
To me there was no sign of being sick, until...
Someone asked me about the burn marks visible on Clark's neck.
I got mad. Silly I know, but Clark had just ended several weeks of radiation. I know he had suffered enough from the indignities of cancer and now he had his hair back, his journey of cancer was still visible.
I wanted to say it was anything but cancer. Somehow I wanted to scream what business is it of yours, instead I mumbled on how it was the effects of radiation treatment for cancer.
I think I am ready for Clark to be cancer free. I am ready to have the doctor tell Clark he is a cancer survivor.
I can only pray for all those who have suffer from the indignities of cancer because it must simply suck.
Every time I go to the VA and they check my blood pressure they tell me my heart rate is elevated... Well DUH! It's uphill all the way into the clinic I tell them... I have asked the doctor to get me the paperwork so I can get a handicap hanger for the car and use the spots up front, maybe not have to walk so far... up a hill...
ReplyDeleteIt IS hard to accept that though, I know from experience. THe worst part for me is that people don't SEE a person with cancer. They see a thirty something man that for all intents and purposes looks healthy as can be. I have even had doctors and nurses tell me that I can keep working or where there are jobs available. I try to be polite because I know that they cannot know what it is like to walk up a flight ot stairs in ones own home and have to lie down for 10-15 minutes and catch ones breath, waiting for a raging pulse to slow down before one can go tuck his children into bed...
Sucks doesn't even BEGIN to come close to describing it. The worst part is being mad as hell at what has happened and not one person on my journey with cancer has been able to tell me how or why I got this. I have even been to two University level facilities where cancers are studied and not one single person, not ONE has asked me a single question about what I may have been exposed to, how I have lived my life, nothing at all to do with how I may have gotten this. I have all this rage that builds up and absolutely no outlet for it. So... I cry, like a lot! It helps a little, for a little while, but then it comes back again...
Stay strong, you and Clark too and tell him when I go to Disneyland I won't get a handicap pass either, in honor of our mutual struggle.
Peace and love,
T.