No word from the doctor

So it has been almost a week since the doctor e-mailed Clark his latest CAT scan results but no call about the explanation. Clark is going to try and track his ever so diligent doctor down next week. Seriously I think his doctor is incompetent (inadequate to or unsuitable for a particular purpose-like being an oncologist) and Clark and I have argued over this issue many times. I have voiced my opinion that he should change doctors because yet again, his doctor has failed to follow up with a phone call.

Someone asked us yesterday if Clark was in remission and I actually had to look up the word. According to Wikipedia, "Remission (medicine), the state of absence of disease activity in patients with a chronic illness, with the possibility of return of disease activity".

So for now, I would say no based on the written report. What is the next plan of action? Truly only God knows.

The Couch

As you can see there is nothing special about this couch. It holds no magical powers, in fact it is quite ordinary. However, lie down on it and shortly and almost without fail, you will fall asleep.

Our couch, you see has become quite the legend among our close friends. If you need rest, come on over and sleep will find you there. We have giggled over snores, drools and even notes that have been left on the sleeper.

On rare occasions, like this week, I was on the couch with one of my oldest and dearest friends and I went out like a light. Upon waking, I had the following note attached, "Aaaaah, Thanks for proving our friendship! Love You!~Syn".

I love you too Syn, and thanks for understanding "the couch".

Clark's CAT scan which is very good

Clark's CAT scan which is very good: Redemonstration of a 1.6-cm enlarged lymph node in the left axilla which appears stable. No new mediastinal or axillary lymphadenopathy.

What this means? We think it means what is there is stable,not growing and there is no new cancer. Can we be for sure? No, Clark's good old doctor e-mailed him the results, of course with no follow up phone call. Clark said he will call oncology tomorrow and find what truly what it means.

For now we will dance!

My daughter is so much like my dad

The other day, Clark and I went to pick Emma up from school and we were going to take her to lunch at a restaurant. Emma’s response, “Why are we going out, we have food in the house.” And she was right.

It made Clark and I pause for a moment but we continued to the restaurant with our coupon in hand.

Then last week Clark and I started to attend Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University at Cornerstone. It got off to be a bumpy start with the first host (all I can say is make a decision about snacks and stick it with-no one will starve). Once the video started and we were going through the book the true work began.

I thought I was going through my own Dad’s 101 Financial Planning for me. When I was 18 and in college I was lucky enough to work for a (now defunct) financial institution. They offered a 401K. At 18, I could care less about a 401K but my dad drew out this pyramid how my investments should stack-longer term investments, shorter term investments, stocks, bonds, etc. I never paid much attention to it. My maximum amount was always put in and for 13 years I never thought about it. When I was laid off from the company I have not invested another penny. I have enough in the account (Ben was good in the book but now at 38 I am slighter better with a 28.9% year to date rate of return for 2009). My Dad was right and I am so glad I learned that lesson early on.

I know how to create and run budgets for others. The money has to be accounted at all times. I think it is easier knowing when the money is not yours.

However for Clark and I, we have never really had a budget. Money was there and bills were paid, our mortgage was paid and our cars are paid off. But we have so much to learn about managing budgets, credit cards and planning for the future (besides 401K and reserves).


I am looking forward to this week! I know I have lessons to learn from Dave Ramsey but maybe my daughter and dad as well.

Livermore Moms has raised $535 for the American Cancer Society Relay for Life

Wow...off line for a few days and the Livermore Moms have raised $535 for the
American Cancer Society Relay for Life on June 26/27 in Livermore. GREAT JOB!

If you are interested in joining our team the link is:

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10CA?team_id=590416&pg=team&fr_id=20441&fl=en_US&et=exbQgsARR32jkgvZ-8IriA..&s_tafId=407878

We thank all who are part of the team, have contributed to the team, plan on being on the team or making a contribution.

Thank you all and God Bless!
Kathleen Schoening
Team Captain
Livermore Moms Relay for Life

System Overload

For the last year I have been for the most part been in the role of caregiver to Clark and full time mom to Emma. It has not been easy.

Now we will still wait for the test results on Clark’s cancer results, I am on system overload.

For the last year it has been all about Clark. We lived in Clark's world and I would never envy anyone who has cancer or the hardships they go that are horrid.

Being a caregiver, however for me became forgoing all things that made me “me” and taking care of Emma and Clark. “Me” time was a hot commodity and I seldom was able to experience it without Emma. So there is a little anger and resentment and no doubt I have work on that. Purely selfish I know when Clark had cancer, but I lost me along the way. Now I have to somehow find the time between Clark’s schedule and Emma’s schedule. The four hours a month I was previously allotted is not cutting it anymore.

Recently once again it became about Clark and I had to stop. My first reaction "time out", then of pain, hurt and finally pleading, “Please walk a mile in my shoes”. Instead I was comforted with "stop making excuses", "your focus needs to be here", and ultimately what I heard was blah, blah, blah. I shut down.

My feet were custom made by God and this is my journey so please do not draw criticism or judgment on me. If you want to help, do so please in a safe, loving manner and I can be easily be taught. I understand much more than you think.

So you think you know me

So you think you understand

You know a few things about me
And you assume on the rest

Had you asked
And never guessed

I would have told you
And yes, it might have been painful

You made some sharp criticism
Your audience came to your defense

Had you spoken your words
In an honest one to one relationship

I might have heard them
And I know my response would have been different

You see I am not what you think I am.
Your judgments might have clouded your mind.

I am fragile and I am weak.
I have been carried more often

What I am not I know is the image in your mind.
And that is why friend, you got the “Dear John”

I was afraid to let go
And I know why

Female friends and mentors are hard to find.

Now that you are gone and I have shut the door
I have cried my last tear

And picked up the phone.

I do know some of your words were the truth
And others were made of smoke.

Trying to sort through the rumble left behind
Is seriously going to take time.

I pray someday we can reunite.
And this will be become a giant oversight.

One of my Heroes-Martin Luther King, Jr.

In Honor of tomorrow, an excerpt from "I Have a Dream" delivered 28 August 1963, at the Lincoln Memorial, Washington D.C.

"Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."2

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

A sad state of affairs at Civic Center Library in Livermore

It is a sad state of affairs when a library that is only 5 years old (and I quote from an e-mail from the Director of Library Services) "staff has been advised to strongly discourage the rental of the Community Rooms to groups with very young children."

I know for me I want my child to love to read, to love books and to cherish going to the library. Maybe the Library would reconsider its position by asking for the public’s help in making the rooms child proof and remaining child proof, to ask parents/guardians to retain control of their children or maybe even ask for a larger deposit or rental fees? To discourage any group from renting the Community rooms is deceiving to the families that support the library and its programs.

The following is an exchange between the Director of Library Services and my self.

"Thank you for your concern regarding the Library and its meeting rooms. There is no specific policy regarding the use of the meeting rooms by children of any age. In fact, we do our own programming for children of all ages in our Craft Room in the Youth Services Department. The complete library meeting room policy may be found on our web site at this link http://www.ci.livermore.ca.us/library/pdfs/meeting_room.pdf.

However, we do have concerns about the appropriateness of the meeting rooms for groups with young children who crawl on the floor or are not kept under control by parents or caregivers. The meeting rooms are not child safety proof. There are electrical outlets in the floors which can be left uncovered by prior groups as well as who knows what spilled on the floor by groups using the room prior to the daily cleaning. Therefore, we have advised some groups with young children that the Community Rooms, in particular, are not for them. This has followed a series of complaints we received from some users who were concerned about child safety. As long as a group complies with the requirements of the meeting room policy, they may reserve the room at their own risk.

Neither the Library nor the City is liable for anything that a child may find on the floor that might be harmful. Therefore, we have suggested that perhaps this venue is not appropriate for their use. Folks have assured us they will not let their children crawl on the floor but we have actually seen them doing just that and, as I said, we have received complaints. We feel, in the interest of safety, it is best if groups with young children do not use the community rooms. Section E .2. of the library meeting room policy states:

There must be no legal, health, or safety limitations on the use of a library for … an activity.

In addition, anyone using the rooms is expected to behave in a manner in keeping with proper behavior in a library. Several times children in the meeting rooms have been left unattended or unsupervised and have been running up and down the gallery and disturbing other library patrons. The Library reserves the right to ask groups or individuals who do not adhere to the library’s Patron Responsibility and Conduct Policy and Unattended Children Policy not to use the meeting rooms or, in extreme cases, to leave the library. As stated in Section E.2. of the library meeting room policy:

The activity must not interfere with normal library operations.

Therefore ,primarily in the interest of safety, staff has been advised to strongly discourage the rental of the Community Rooms to groups with very young children. We do not feel the Community Rooms are a safe environment for the young. The person renting the room assures us they will take responsibility but then we get complaints from others in the group. As a result, it puts us in a very difficult position, and we feel it is in the best interests of all, to limit use.

Again, thank you for your concern and your understanding. "

Susan R. Gallinger
Director of Library Services
Livermore Public Library
1188 So. Livermore. Ave.
Livermore, Ca. 94550
925-373-5509
Fax: 925-373-5503
srgallinger@livermore.lib.ca.us

From Me to the Library:

"I posted this on your Facebook and got no response. I am hoping to understand what written policy you have in regards to the following:
Just wondering if policy has changed regarding renting rooms at the library. Is it true that you do not rent rooms to children/parent organizations (meaning that children will be in the room being rented) and does that include nursing babies?"

Thank you in advance for your time,
Kathleen Schoening

Getting a Little Mud on the Wheels

I normally do not make New Years Resolutions. If I want something to change or if I want to change, I make a plan and over time it either works or I try again with a different plan.

This year is different. For so many reasons but the most important is me. I have changed. I am no longer in the role of caretaker with a sick husband. Clark will have CAT scan this week and we will find out within the next two weeks if he is cancer free.

I can now actually focus on me.

I decided I want to get a little mud on the wheels and today I did. I rode along the creek near my house and saw some beautiful Herons. The air was fresh, the mud was thick and for a moment I was free. Then reality hit. If my tires got flat or I fell, I had no phone and identification. Not smart. So instead of letting fear hit, I continued on my ride and made a metal list for the future to bring the phone with GPS so if I was somehow detained someone could locate me.

After today, I realized I have played it safe for so long and now, it is my time to get a little mud on the wheels. To try things I would have never thought possible and to encourage others to come along.

I would also like to say thanks to Karen for getting me to go to Bootcamp this weekend. Nothing like a hour of a hard work out to let you know that getting a little mud on the wheels is not such a bad idea.

Religious ghetto

Today was the first time that I never heard that expression. It was during church service that was taught by Matt VanCleave. The words have been ringing in my ears all afternoon long. I understand the definition as it related to the message today but I wondered if there was a definition that Google could provide.

Unfortunately one of the few articles that Google provided was from the Wall Street Journal dated November 28, 2005 titled, "We Are Not Creating a 'Religious Ghetto' . The jest of the article was that someone thought that the "caricature of the planned Town of Ave Maria as a religious ghetto, and a fanatical one at that", essentially meaning that community was all Catholic and wanted to remain Catholic. True or untrue that was the claim being made.

Today's sermon content was based on Christian religious ghettos. I walked away with the question to be asked is if you always surround yourself with Christians and do not socialize with people of other religions or even the non believing, are you really living the life of a Christian? Is your faith such you feel like being with others outside of your belief system might compromise who you are, or who you might become?

It is interesting to me to think about. My grandfather was a preacher and he studied not only Christianity, but other faiths and beliefs. His bookshelves were lined with Judaism, Catholicism, the religion of Islam ,etc. My grandfather studied so he would become stronger in his faith.

And now for me,I have friends of many faiths and beliefs. I cannot image living in a religious ghetto. Of course I cannot imagine my life is full of non sinners either.

Judge me as you may but my faith is solid and makes me who I am. If somehow along the way I am able to help someone find their faith, so be it. Otherwise for now, you will not see any mail coming from me with a zip code from a religious ghetto.

Just Breathe a Little!

We spent the last of the year and first couple of days of the New Year in Monterey and the Big Sur Area. We were able to meet up with my brother and Diana.

On January 2nd, I headed into a chain store and the shelves were being cleared out of the Holiday stuff and Valentine decor was being inserted. I had not evened taken down our Christmas tree and already there were red hearts and chocolate lining the culture of commercialism rows.

I thought back up and just breathe a little!

I am going for a simpler life this year. Chocolates and cards are nice, but they are not my language of love. What I value and hold dear is passionate words of encouragement and time that is well spent. Theses are things you cannot buy in a store and must come from the heart.

And really I just need to breathe.

Dear Maria K. or AKA Mom's Landlord,

Dear Maria K. or AKA Mom's Landlord,

Thank you so much for calling me tonight to ask me when my mom was going to pay her rent. I am not sure what law you violated on asking me this since I am not a co-applicant on the place. I know when I worked in credit card collections it was a violation of Federal law when discussing debt with a third party, but housing laws are different.

You demanded my mom's phone number. I told you I would let her know you called.

You seemed to get quite upset when I asked you why my mom should pay you money when the place you rented her less than 3 months was posted with a foreclosure notice last week.

You showed real class when you said if mom did not pay her rent you were going to have the utilities turned off.

You also really showed your true character when you told me that if mom did not pay the rent to you that not only would you turn off the utilities, but you would lock her out.

When I happened to mention to you that perhaps some of your tactics were illegal you hung up on me.

You then had the tenacity to call me back. I was pissed.

I advised you if you kept calling me I would consider it harassment and call the police.

You see, Ms. Landlord, you choose the wrong house to harass tonight. I may not know much about housing laws and foreclosure but I know I can find out. Not only can I find out, but I will ask my friends who are real estate agents, attorneys, city employees, your mortgage lender (easy to find out) and anyone else who can help-perhaps even the media. My mom might not have this access but you see I do.

Once I become educated, I will help my mom. You see I am my mother's daughter and while our life choices might be different I will still fight for her when she cannot.

Sincerely,
My mom's daughter-the fighter

My mom has next to nothing and gets very little in social security. The fact she has to put up with bullies like her landlord bothers me. My mom knows more about the street life then I would ever want to know but one thing both my mom and dad taught me was to be a fighter. To fight for what you belief in and always, always fight for the under dog who is being mistreated.