My Dad and the Train of Lights

My Dad did this really cool thing for Emma, Clark and I this week. He bought tickets so the four of us (him included) could go on the 2010 Sunol Train of Lights but he got the upgraded tickets for the Art-Deco parlor lounge car for a luxurious experience right out of the golden age of rail travel. The Holiday Club Lounge has a circular mahoghany bar, framed by etched glass and mirrors. IT WAS AWESOME!

Emma the Wall Crawler

Winter pictures

Emma's Winter Dance

The Text...the Beheaded Doll

The text as it read...

""I am sorry to say I found the doll beheaded on Holmes. Must have been on top of the car and fallen off or something. I can pick it up if you still want it."

After Clark and I laughed hard, cause the image was sort of sick funny. I was going to tell Emma her doll went to Heaven but Clark then decided to tell her the doll went on a trip. Bahaha.

Friday night, Clark and Emma went to a friend's house for a "Thanksgiving do-over". The wife had been sick on Thanksgiving and could not function to cook, take care of herself and her vomiting household members. So, lo, behold, the Thanksgiving do-over.

The wife and I went to a girlfriends house for a girls night out.


When Clark left with Emma from the "Thanksgiving do-over" he placed the doll on top of the SUV roof and drove off. Apparently the dad driving behind him thought Clark had ran over something, but did not know what.

As soon, as I walked in the house later that night, Emma ran to the front door and said, "Mommy, where's my doll?"

Anyone who has a brown eyed brown haired little girl knows how hard it is to find a pretty brown eyed brown haired doll that does not cost an arm and a leg. So, Saturday morning the new search began.

Since Clark told Emma that the doll went on a trip, Emma kept asking where the doll went and when it was coming back. Unfortunately after an extensive search on line the previous doll is not sold anymore, so a new brown haired brown eyed doll had to be found.

Of course, every time, as twisted parents we are, the word "beheaded" was said, Clark and I would laugh. Emma would look at us since of course, she does not know yet what the word means-THANKFULLY.

And because our friends are like us in some ways, Karen said
"Well if you're going to blog about it, you should know that besides being beheaded, her left leg was also amputated, her right eye won't open, she has abrasions on her right knee and left cheek, and a chunk is missing from her upper lip. Her braid in front stayed in tact, however. The hair is good! :)"

Which has had us laugh harder. Well to make a long story finally end, a new pretty doll that looks like Emma has been found. A story about the new doll will be told to Emma well maybe in about twenty years.

Karen took care of the beheaded doll, because well that is what friends do.

Livermore Moms in the Downtown Parade

Children should be Seen not Heard, Really?

Ok, there is a debate among a few of us, about whether children when in the presence of adults should be seen and not heard.

And I might lose a few friends as I say this, in fact a few people might vehemently disagree (and I have heard from them already) but this old adage needs to tossed out into the refuge pile not to be recycled.

Clark and I tried for many years to have Emma. The last thing I want to do is just see her and not hear her voice. I want to remember what she says and how she says it. I want to remember the way she laughs. While I would rather not remember her bad days, they do come, like all of ours, but she is a part of our lives, not only to be seen but to be heard.

Clark and I both agreed that manners need to be in play and "excuse" and "pardon me" are things we are working on.

Does she need to be apart of every conversation? No. Does she need to go off and play with other kids or even by herself? Absolutely.

But in our house, we want to see Emma and hear her. Hopefully over time, this will foster the relations needed on when she needs us as her mom and dad as a pre teen and teenager. That she knows we will listen and hear. Clark and I both feel that if we build the foundations now, Emma will know she can come to us, that she can be not only seen but heard.

For all the people for who believe in "Children should be seen not heard?"

How did that work out for you? OR the question that should be asked is how did that work out for your children?

The port is out, the port is out....

Yippee Clark's Port is out. Technically it is called a portacap. It was installed into Clark's chest when he started chemo almost 2 years ago. It is "a device inserted in the veins to introduce IV's and/or chemo".

This is a HUGE step. Last year this time, Clark had just finished chemo and was about to start radiation and now we start this holiday season port FREE.

Clark went into the surgery clinic this morning and I waited in the lobby.

Nothing like waiting in the lobby to hear Kaiser's receptionist talk about Kaiser's latest plan to have one check in area on each floor of the clinic and eliminate each department receptionist check in. Cannot wait to see how that pans out over time.

We went to Father Nature's in Danville to eat afterward. Father's Nature had been our refuge in some ways after hospitals visits the last few years. Many life decisions have been made there and today we celebrated. We celebrated a new beginning!

Clark proceeded to tell me on how they removed the port, how the port had adhered to his body, the blood, making me gag on my breakfast. I stopped eating, and while he ate the rest of my breakfast, he said he had anxiety going into the port removal and now it was done!

I asked if he was allowed to keep the port. Gross I know. Clark then started on what it looked and that started more gagging on my part. Then he said the doctor threw it in the trash and the nurse had to retrieve to send it the lab. My stomach was not in the mood for this at all but my husband was floating on cloud 9, higher then I have seen him in a long time.

A new chapter is beginning, a chapter free of cancer and all its things. Clark still has to go in every few months for a check up and will not be considered remission for a few more years but for now, for today we celebrate!

The port is out, the port is out....Praise God! The port is out, the port is out...

A tale of a teapot and some best friends

A few days ago, Emma looked up in her closet and asked if she could play with a Winnie the Pooh Tea Pot and cups. I looked up and covered in plastic and years of dust, was the teapot and cups.

I had not forgotten about this Tea Pot but not found the reason to take it out of its box until now. Some of our friends, our best friends who we have known over 25 years (as we seem to have a few of those), Charley and Jodie Newsom had given the set to me years ago. Well, to be honest, I sort of just remember, Charley being the one who found it and was so pleased to give it to me. At the time I collected Winnie the Pooh (this was before it was on every corner store). Yes, I just dated myself. Anyway, I took the box and together Emma and I unwrapped it.

I started to remember the promise I just made to the Newsom's. This summer, daring as it sounds, Emma and I are going to drive ourselves to Sandpoint, Idaho where they now live. Clark might join us on some of the trip or all of the trip. We are not sure yet.

What I do know. This is the last summer before Emma starts school. So I decided this summer and every summer we can afford it, we will pile in the car and drive. This summer it will be to Idaho (and maybe Oregon, Washington, who knows). Driving in the car provides the freedom to go so many places and do so many things. Emma is at a good age I think to do this and while it has been a few years since she has been to Idaho, I think she will like it, no I think she will love it. She is a good traveler already and I am getting to be a little bit more confident traveling alone with her.

Here is the lesson I learned from last trip driving to Idaho with Clark and Emma. I will not be driving the Lexus. Really I think now what were we thinking driving in God's 4x4 country with guns and ammo in our little 4 door Lexus. We had pulled up to a Walmart not far from who knows where and this man who had not dared I say taken a shower in a week and was missing a few teeth, saw us getting Emma into the car's backseat car seat, and said, "Nice car" and smiled. Images of Deliverance came into mind, Clark said, "Get in the car now." We speed out of the parking lot quickly and then did not see another Lexus sedan for another 3 states. That was 4 years ago. I have not forgotten the image. So the SUV or the 4x4 it will be.

I did a pre made meal and had much needed help

Last weekend I spent a great deal of great time in Kaiser ER. I had woken up with extreme scaitic nerve pain and started to throw up due to the pain. When I threw up a little blood, my husband threw Emma in the car, drove to my brother and my sister in law's and we went to Kaiser.

I had the stomach flu a few times in the last few months. Now looking back I had not realized that when I was in pain I would take over the counter medicine, aggravagrate the stomach and throw up. Nice.

So the doctors sent me home with a bunch of medicines and said bed rest. With Thanksgiving coming up, I did not know how this was going to be possible. Clark does not cook and we normally host.

So, I did the next best thing. I ordered a pre made meal from a local market. Clark made sure I got the rest I needed and I took medicine as I needed.

Then I picked up the meal. It was all well and good but for our small gathering, it needed more. Somehow, Lord only knows how, I had organic cranberries, green beans and other good fixings to make this meal even better. I prepped all the dishes the day before Thanksgiving.

On Thanksgiving, Emma set the table and Clark cooked the meal with Dad assisting. It was good. All I can say is that I was the first one asleep after the meal. I slept through all the good byes.

Literally you can take one finger on a place on my lower back and almost temporary freeze my legs. The pain goes up and down my legs. Medicine has been good for spasms and pain. Over time this too will go away.

To be so Free

Happy Hollow in San Jose

Happy Thanksgiving!

By now my belly is full, my child is in bed, my husband is about to be asleep and I am are sitting in a moment of reflection. I came across this prayer earlier this week,

"If the only prayer you ever say in your life is thank you, it will be enough."

So God, I thank you for the abundance of life you have given me. Thank you for myself, my husband and my child. Thank you for my family as twisted and curved we all are, we are like pieces of a puzzle that would not be complete without the other.

My friends, my best friend of 25 years, God I thank you for placing Terilynn in my life for so many seasons of drought and sun. Really thank you for all the other friends and strangers (yet to be friends) you have placed in my pave along the road taken. Thank you. The enrichment they have given me, I can only hope someday to return.

Thank you providing what was needed whether it was food, shelter, a hug, a hand, a stern word or even recently a "be quiet and follow me".

Thank you God, I am blessed because of you.

A little time with the Man in the Red Suit

Dear Livermore Library,

I have had sometime to think about our last exchange of e-mail.

I need to let you I want to volunteer as a storyteller at the Springtown library since services have been cut there. My passion is to provide stories to children but I am unwilling to provide to you my private data for myself and individuals within my current/past organizations when the position is not open. In today's day and age of privacy concerns there is no treasure safe you can keep my data in until such time the position opens. Once the position opens indeed, you have my information, you can contact me, I will be the first to turn in my application, background and if need be fingerprinted.

I will be forwarding this e-mail to City Council as well.

Thank you for understanding,
Kathleen Schoening

The Library Update....Serious strange

So a few weeks back, I had offered during a City Council meeting to read stories at Springtown Library when City Council decided to rip hours and services from our local library. My aim was not to take jobs from paid workers but to bring story times to kids who LOVE them.

Literally then my heart stopped when a little over a week ago, I was contacted by the Library to fill out an application to volunteer and have a background check done on me to ready as a volunteer during story time. I started to get my ducks in a row to fill out the application. Hope while was not quite on the horizon, for story time to be scheduled it might come back someday and I needed to be ready to step up.

Then a little librarian gently whispered (funny how librarians are that way) to me, "Honey it is against library policy to have volunteers read during story time and currently there is NO such volunteer position."

MMMM....mmmmm...ok.

So I contacted the person who sent me the volunteer application and background check form and asked why was I being asked to fill out these things.

She said, true, true, enough, there is no volunteer position for story telling and she knows that she why she contacted me but there are other volunteer positions open.
She can keep my applicant on file for when the story teller volunteer position opens (really if ever).

Ok. Strange. Serious strange. I decided I will fill out the application and let background be done. I have nothing to hide but a deep desire for kids to be connected to books.

And a little story to share on how I did not know how to read until the 3rd grade and how I fell in love with the Dublin Library (San Ramon did not have one when I was little).

Notice the Name Change?

Clark is Cancer FREE!

I really felt the need to change the name of this blog. Our journey with Clark's cancer started on March 27, 2009. God decided to end our journey with Clark's cancer this month of this year. November 2010. All in His Time.

We went through one of the worst economic depressions of our lifetime while Clark had cancer. Clark did not work for one year due to treatment and somehow we were blessed to be able to hang onto our home (sometimes by a thread).

Clark now has a job and a job with health benefits (health benefits that cost more than our mortgage but that is topic for another day!).

In reality if we lost our home, who cares? We have battled the worst wars and God gave us the Grace to be humbled and have us place our baggage (and we have plenty) at his feet.

We can claim Victory over cancer. Yes, it will be 4 years before Clark is considered in remission but for the dragon has been slain and we have more days to live, love, laugh and dream...


We are still waiting on the Hemochromatosis, but Clark is CANCER FREE!

Women of Faith

I just got back from joining one of my friends and her church (and really 11,000 others) at Women of Faith in Sacramento. Can I just say AWESOME! I learned, absorbed, observed and loved every minute of it! I am not sure what speaker I liked best, Shelia Walsh or Marcus Buckingham or Luci Swindoll? I know I fell in love with the music of Mary Mary and the event proved as one said white girls can rock the house and vibrant the floors.

One of best lessons for me was Psalm 23:4 "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." There can be no shadow without Light. How simple but so profound for me.

There is so much in learning to love, lean and trust God more. So many more lessons for me.

I cannot wait to go again next year. I WISH and PRAY I could take every woman I know to one of these events. As co-director of a local moms organization, if I could TAKE every fellow mom I know I would in a heart beat. I also cannot WAIT to see Shelia Walsh at my home church in December.

I also found myself needing to get a sense of humor. I had forgotten what it was to freely laugh and make fun of myself (ok I can make fun of myself but I was not always laughing).

Ok and here is Clark and I's car. I drove up on the trip. No your eyes are not deceiving you. What you see is what is. Apparently there are many birds at the Hilton in Sacramento.

Great News and New Prayers

So we met with an oncologist this morning.

Not Clark's, not the one who e-mailed him, but by default really a 2nd opinion oncologist.

I loved her as soon as she entered the room. She addressed the test results right away. Great news-NO CANCER! So the port can be taken out hopefully before the holidays and then Clark does not have to be seen again for 4 months. FANTASTIC!!!!

Then the rest...

She addressed the results that had me freaked out. My husband, the saint, he can be, kept saying there is nothing to worry about, all in God's hands. I got it. I understand it being in God's hands. What I did not understand is why his numbers are rising.

Then the doctor said, "We think you might have "Hemochromatosis". Has the doctor mentioned it to you before?" Clark looked at me and I knew his heart just sank as mine did.

So more tests. More waiting. More prayers.

Hemochromatosis causes the body to absorb and store too much iron. The extra iron builds up in the body’s organs and damages them. Without treatment, the disease can cause the liver, heart, and pancreas to fail.

Overstepping My Bounds

As we have been waiting to hear about Clark's results. Clark's primary is out of the office, his oncologist is out of of office for next month or two, so the back up oncologist emailed Clark. The email was one sentence long. The email did not answer the questions Clark had, it did not talk about scheduling a follow up CAT or PET scan or even about the port (which if everything was clear was suppose to be removed by the Holidays).

Clark was happy with the sentence. There were still too many questions that needed to be answered. So I overstepped my bounds and while Clark was aware and not happy about it at all I got involved.

When Clark was sick the first time, many medical decisions were made around him because he had cancer. This time I swore I was going to let him know every time I got involved so he knew from the first email today to the last one I sent. I would fight any battle for my husband and this time was no different.

To make a long story short, the back up oncologist actually called Clark twice this afternoon. Once he called and got Clark's voice mail, the next time he called and actually told Clark he said he should have called in the first place to schedule an appointment to discuss the results. That goes a long way in my book. So in the next week or so, we will go into oncology and they will hopefully be able to answer the questions we have (and I seem to be much more anxious about this than Clark this time).

Clark and I have made up and he understands. I would move the heaviest burdens and most solid rock to ensure Clark got the best care. He is my husband and the father of my child and sometimes, I overstep my bounds.

New numbers and new prayers

Clark had blood tests this week and we got the results last night. Some numbers were great and some numbers like the graph is out of normal for Clark (over a time period) and double what the normal testing standard range is (top level is 300, Clark is over 600). That is just one test, but there are a few others that are like that as well. So we ask for prayers.

An amazing sunset in the Livermore Valley

Halloween!

Emma was Snow White on Halloween. Emma has owned the dress up costume since she was two years old and thankfully it still fits.

This year was great fun going door to door. We went out with some of our neighbors and her classmates.






The kids got a bonus candy bar as seen in the picture below at a kind neighbors house. Lucky kids!



Clark was suppose to stay home and pass out candy. He got sick and was unable. So the trick or treater trophy will more than likely go to dad; but we will see it is not 9pm yet!

Emma was Ariel for her Pre K Halloween Carnival a few days before.