Anger, faith, hope and love

I have thought and prayed about anger much lately. Anger seems to me a gun that has gone off carelessly. It captures unintended victims. The guilt, shame and blame game seem to be associated with it as well. Too much time can be spent in the area of anger and to love is a distant word.

Since Chester and his cousins came to play, Clark's temper has been hot and quick at times. His moods can be as easily swayed by heat, traffic, an annoying commercial or even the newspaper. The shadows I now call them loom and I never know when they will be cast.

To be honest I don't get it, but then and this is huge, I am not the one with cancer. I am not the one who feels the physical and emotional pain of cancer. I cannot image what Clark goes through. I can tell him time and time again that Emma and I love him and more importantly that God loves him, but I am just the wife.

Clark has gotten better about expressing what he is going through without anger. He catches himself and will tell me when he is tired, weak or needs something.

I am here, I try and tell him, I am here and you do not have to pretend with me or for me. I want to know what you are going through and a cry sometimes is better than a smile.

As I lay my head down tonight to sleep, one of many prayers I have will be that my husband be freed of any anger he has and may faith, hope and love be the languages he speaks.