Yes.

The question has come up a few times now and so I will answer. Yes, Clark reads the blog. Sometimes when I write it he is near me and I ask for input. Other times he reads it the next day, but he does always read it.

What is written here is not always pretty and concise but either is cancer. I write what is real to me, to us, to our journey. Cancer has taken us places we have never been and places I would not like to go back (after all being together 24/7 for 5 months is a miracle).

I also know I am not the reason for Clark's cancer and am not the reason for his "speeding mind" (as his doctors call it). As a wife, you want to help, you want to nurture and take care of your husband, but sometimes you have to stand on the sidelines. Clark has to be the one to physically and mentally want wellness. I cannot be blamed, compared to or take responsibility. It is his decision to want to be mentally and physically in shape. To try and cover over the truth or alter what is so apparent is not healthy and the transparency of cancer can be seen.

My new frame of mind (and it is a work in progress) is that I will not engage when on the downhill. This is not impossible, but going to be hard since I too have my ups and downs. I cry at times when I am alone but know in my heart that this too shall pass. Emma is starting to ask as well and I have to be strong for her.

Chester and his cousins have long overstayed their visit and I realize now even after they are gone, the imprints they left will still be seen.