Adversity

Recently friends and I were talking about what people do when faced with adversity. The following questions came up: Do you run and hide? Do you stand still and do nothing? Do you sit in the stands and try to quarterback the game with disdain? Do you jump on the sidelines and cheer on? Or are you on the field merely as a player? Or are you that player who runs for the goal, ball in hand, pushing all obstacles aside?

So many ways to react when faced with an unfortunate event or circumstance.

I can tell you while Clark is resting, he is praying. It is his faith, our faith in God that is getting us through this troubled time.

Clark is resting now. He has been resting on and off since he got home from chemo. In between naps he gets on the phone and yaks and yaks. And laughs and laughs which is great medicine for the soul. Goodness knows he is not looking forward to Sunday when the shots to boost his immunity (such a necessary evil) start.

One of my friends has offered to lend me her nurses uniform for when I administer the shots, but really my plan of attack is slow, steady and quick. Painless if possible.

I should add that while one of Clark's favorite shows is Wife Swap, Emma's second favorite show is The Doctors (Imagination Movers is first of course). As a mom, Dr. Emma has a nice ring. We will see.

The Upside Down Cancer Show

Cancer can take you and shake you up and down. It can empty out all your pockets and make your hair stand on end. Today was like that.

After a wonderful get away, Clark and I met with his oncologist this morning. We meet with his doctor every time before chemo to ensure all the blood work is in line and Clark's body can handle the toxicity of chemo. Today the initial blood numbers were low. Low enough for Clark to be placed in a wait and see mode. We had to wait and see what the remaining blood results told before being given the green light for chemo. If given the green light for tomorrow's chemo, I would be taught on how to give Clark shots to boost his immunity. Clark was not looking forward to this. If no green light, Clark's chemo would be delayed by a week at least.

Clark was frustrated a little as well since he was feeling really good. He had developed a small blood blister under one of his fingernails but his doctor said it was not an issue unless it got worse. Chester and his cousins were playing mind games with Clark and Clark was not in the mood to say the least.

While waiting for the call, we realized this is not in our hands but God's. We asked the people we know to pray. We knew The Upside Down Cancer show with Chester and his cousins was going to test our faith but also strengthen it.

Early this evening we got the call that Clark was a green light for chemo tomorrow. Prayers were answered and the curtains were called on the Upside Down Cancer Show for today.

Emma's first camping trip

Clark had an opportunity this week to travel before his next chemo on Friday so we took Emma on her first camping trip.

Kevin, Rebbecca and Ian were already camping at Pinecrest so we joined them for one night and two days. It was great!

However, Emma, our darling beautiful daughter became the comet vomit monster on the car ride there. My dad calls her this since the first time she had car sickness, he happened to be seated right next to her!

Once we got up to Pinecrest, Emma had a blast. She loved having her sleeping bag, her cot, hanging out with Ian, playing in the water and having her first camp fire smore. There was a certain level of sweetness and innocence as only seen through the eyes of a child.

We had camped before with Kevin and Rebbecca but now we have our second generation of campers.

We look forward to more camp trips for longer durations when Clark is well.

Sign for Emma from Ian

Emma and Ian

Loch Ness Monster or Kevin and Clark in the water-look for the bald heads

Emma

Ian and Emma

The Boys

Emma on her cot in our jumbo condo tent

Emma rock climbling

On top of the rocks

Two families, two generations of campers

The List Taker

I am the list taker in the family. We are planning to take an over night camp trip soon and for the last week the list from me has been verbalized, written and refined several times.

Clark on the other hand is not a list taker anymore; chemo brain has temporary set in. So while we are planning this trip together really it is the list taker who has to ensure everything is going to be packed.

This would not be an issue, however I have not been in a tent in over three years at least. My idea of camping has been hotels, motels and resorts.

Don't get me wrong we used to camp on an annual basis but the last few years only the men have gone.

And when we camped before together we never lacked any real convenience. We knew how to camp and camp well but now we have a three year old.

The list taker is trying to decide what to bring and what the three year needs besides clothes. What tent to bring? What type of bedding to accommodate all of us? Will it be cold? Will it be hot? So many questions.

Since Clark has been on "men" only trips the packing for them is different. They could wear the same clothes for 5 days in the woods and unless a skunk sprayed one of them, the clothes stayed on until they came home. I cannot do this with a 3 year old. My list needs to be refined and defined more.

No on second thought, my list is done and there is no more thinking. Our family will survive even if sprayed by skunks.

Living in a fish bowl

We started this blog the day Clark was diagnosed with cancer. The day our lives were changed forever. Cancer entered into our lives that day but is not our lives as evident by what is written here. We start each day with the ability to live, laugh, love and dream. We have changed there is no doubt. I for one am not the same person I was a year ago, let alone six months and neither is Clark. And Emma, Emma is a three year old with bounds and bounds of endless energy what can I say.

But writing the blog is like living in a fishbowl. The blog is the good and the bad of our lives. It is what we have learned, loved and laughed about; it is also about what we have cried and mourned over.

Today Pastor Steve mentioned Galatians 5:22-23 in church. It says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

And I can say I have not been those things in many aspects of my life. Today is different as is yesterday and the day before. I strive to be the fruit of the Spirit so that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control are evident not only in my fishbowl of a blog but my life. I know Clark wants the same for himself and we as husband and wife want the same for our daughter.

It is like living in a fishbowl.

As a side note when Clark and I went to pick up Emma from the Zone at church I saw a fellow MOPS mom. I introduced Becky to Clark and Becky said to Clark, "So I heard you like Wife Swap." And we laughed.

And we laughed

After a great day with the Garry's lounging by their pool and a fabulous BBQ, we came home. We talked about how wonderful Jen, Bill and the girls are and how blessed we are to know them.

Then I started to check e-mail.

I also checked the hits on this blog and where they were from. Sounds strange but we post very personal stories and photos. We have the ability to track the location of where a hit has come from on this blog, how many times a hitter has come, how long they have stayed and how they got there. Imagine my amazement where I saw one of hits was from Paris, France. It intrigued me. Clark and I were in France almost 12 years ago but have no current friends there. So I dug deeper.

This person had Googled in French "portacap" and our blog is listed second under this heading on Google. When Clark had his portacath put in, I blogged about and because it looked like a bottle cap, I said it was a portacap. Clark and I laughed. The portacath enables the nurses to insert the IV into a device that Clark has been implanted into his chest so that his veins will not collapse from overuse from chemo.

Last night we had dinner with David, Kris and Delilah. David turned to Clark and said," How's Wife Swap going?" and we laughed some more. Clark has a great sense of humor and now this has become a running joke. Thankfully my husband is man enough to not take life so seriously.

The Kris asked me,"So if I hit the ads on your blog, you make money right?" And I said "Yes, hit away on those ads when you visit the blog since someone has to earn money in our house and not watch Wife Swap." We laughed some more.

Our life is rich not with money or goods but with laughter. And we laughed some more.

Emma's last day of Summer Ballet

Watch the video of Emma at the bar (to the right of the teacher)

Our dads rock

Emma has had swim lessons for the last two weeks.

While we did not plan it, Delilah, Emma and Liam are all in the same swim class (ironically they all are also in the same playgroup).

So night after night I have gone to see her swim. Talk about letting go. There is nothing like sitting on the side lines of a pool while your three year old is in it. It was a huge milestone for both Emma and I.

David and Bill were there (Delilah and Liam's dad respectively). Really if there had been other women I knew there I might have cried that first night. But there is nothing like men to give me mommy strength.

Tonight Clark came to watch the swim class because the weather was finally cool enough for him to be comfortable sitting outside (and he did not feel nauseated). I looked at my husband and our friends David and Bill.

Those three dads rock (as my dad does too)!

Cancer is just so random

Today I went to lunch with Teri, an old classmate from 3rd grade. We reconnected recently on Facebook and now we do lunch on occasion.

Today we talked about a former classmate of ours who passed away from cancer last week. This woman left behind 9 year old twin sons.

We then talked about other students in our class, in other classes and our lives who have had cancer or who have passed away from cancer.

It is so random.

Cancer.

Who gets it and who does not?

Is it the environment? Is it the food we eat? Is it what we drink?

Is it that our science is at a level now that can detect cancer at incredibly earlier stages than before?

And if the science is better at detection, why are there not cures?

So many questions.

Clark does not understand why he has cancer.

We do not know the future of his cancer but pray everyday for the cure, not only for him but cures for everyone who has cancer.

Cancer is just so random.

The pride of a three year old.

"That's my grandma" Emma stated to her friends at swim lessons today as she pointed to my mom. The pride of a three year old.

Emma loves my mom (as she does her Puna-Clark's mom) and my mom loves her.

My mom has not had an easy life which prevented her from raising my brother and I. You could say while I was growing up my relationship with her was strained to say the least.

We (my brother and I) financially supplemented what my mom made since we had jobs as teenagers. My mom works hard at minimum wage jobs that offer little or no medical care. Her take home wages barely cover rent, car or gas which at times has to led to some really difficult periods (that no one should ever have to endure but so many people do).

What Mom lacks in needs or wants she gives from the heart. When Mom did not have a car, she would somehow figure out by herself the public transit to our house and that was to just to get a hug and a 5 minute conversation from us. My mom did not care, it meant the world to her to be around her kids and know they were fine.

Now that I have Emma I understand. I understand and appreciate more than ever the love that exists between a child and a mom. Since the birth of Emma, my mom and I get along better and it is the relationship between her and Emma that has created this.

And now when Emma proudly says "That's my grandma" to her friends, I then say to the friend's parents, "Let me introduce you to my mom." You see it is from the pride of a three year old I have learned much.

Psalm 57

While it was still hot today, Clark, Emma and I went to church.

Pastor Steve had us stand for a reading out of Acts and I was praying the whole time that Clark would not fall over due to severe nausea (it would not have been good since we seated in the raisers).

Clark seems to be doing better today but there are nausea bouts and the A/C is back at 76 degrees.

And really I think that Clark would rather be at church than watching Wife Swap any day of the week.

It is no help whatsoever that his cancer buddy Rocky at church talked about how McDonald's helped him with his nausea when he was undergoing chemo. And because the seed had been planted in Clark's head that is what we had for lunch.

How can I instill better eating habits when the worst things seem to make Clark feel better? UGH!

Pastor Steve mentioned briefly mentioned a passage in Psalm and for some reason I have it on my mind (perhaps because Psalm 57 sounds like Car 57, never mind my mind works in rhythm sometimes). So I share it now (Psalm 57 not Car 57):

Psalm 57

1Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast.

2I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth all things for me.

3He shall send from heaven, and save me from the reproach of him that would swallow me up. Selah. God shall send forth his mercy and his truth.

4My soul is among lions: and I lie even among them that are set on fire, even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword.

5Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens; let thy glory be above all the earth.

6They have prepared a net for my steps; my soul is bowed down: they have digged a pit before me, into the midst whereof they are fallen themselves. Selah.

7My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise.

8Awake up, my glory; awake, psaltery and harp: I myself will awake early.

9I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people: I will sing unto thee among the nations.

10For thy mercy is great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds.

11Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: let thy glory be above all the earth.

The heat or chemo?

The only time Clark did well this week was when we were at Santa Cruz. I would have loved to stay there a few days, but we do not want to be 1.5 hours away from his medical care if he gets the night sweats or a fever, which could be lethal if not treated promptly. Clark is also not in the "window" where it is okay to travel.

So we are not sure it is the heat (100 degrees and hotter) or chemo or perhaps a combination of both that is making Clark sick. He has no fever but also no energy.

Perhaps even, it could be as we had been told that chemo gets worse as it goes on and maybe this is the start of that. Either way it has not been pleasant for Clark. Our A/C was set at 78 degrees but he seemed to get no relieve, so I turned it down to 76 degrees and that two degrees seems to help him so much. I know he will be upset when the PG&E bill comes but really there is no choice.

It does not help that Emma has not slept well the last two nights either. She is trying hard to get out of day time naps too.

So good sleeping for all of us has been halted temporary.

Run away

Ever feel like you need to run away? We came home from the coast yesterday and once again today feel like we need to run away from the heat. We choose not to stay longer since Clark did not have permission from his medical team to go away overnight being only 5 days past chemo.

However what a perfect day we had yesterday. Terilynn was able to meet up with us at Natural Bridges and show Emma the tide pools. Emma kept wanting Terilynn to show her more but the tide was coming in. We then had a great dinner and went to Marianne's for ice cream. When we got home from Santa Cruz, we were a little sun burnt and tired. Clark woke up this morning and said it was the best sleep he had had in a long time. I am so thankful.

Being able to run away sometimes is the best...

Live like you were dying by Tim McGraw

Emma in the waves


When Clark was first sick we listened to "Live like you were dying" by Tim McGraw.

"He said I was in my early forties, with a lot of life before me
And one moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays
Talking bout' the options and talking bout' sweet times.
I asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end
How's it hit 'cha when you get that kind of news?
Man what did ya do?
He said

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

Clark and I


He said I was finally the husband, that most the time I wasn't
And I became a friend, a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden goin' fishin, wasn't such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
Well I finally read the good book, and I took a good long hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again
And then

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Shu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'

Clark and Emma


Like tomorrow was the end
And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it
What should you do with it
What can I do with it
What would I do with it

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And man I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'"

Clark, Emma and I

Honey what's wrong with me?

Clark held his arms up in the arm the other night and asked, "Honey what's wrong with me?" Now that used to be a loaded question instead I looked at him and said, "What do you mean?"

He had no shirt on. I felt like I was playing that children's game-Can you see the difference? I looked real carefully and it took time. He lost his hair on one armpit and not the other. I suggested using Nair on the hairy armpit but the suggestion was only taken under advisement by Clark.

The heat has finally gotten to Clark. Being over 100 degrees here makes Clark feel sick and nauseated all the time. So tomorrow we are going to the coast. Someday we will live there but for now we are going to make Clark feel better. The ocean is our place to be. We seem to always be near water and trees.

The picture below was of Emma in Yosemite in August 2007. By then she had been to 7 different states and had played in the sands of many beaches.

Seriously Clark?

I really think that Clark just needs to rid of this cancer. Today I was milling around the house and I heard him say, "Honey come here quick, check this out", thinking it was important I came running in and should have known better.

Seriously, my dear husband, my lovely bright husband was watching Wife Swap on the Lifetime channel. Every few minutes, Clark is talking back to the television, "I cannot believe she wore that. Check out this wife acting that way? These kids need a good kick in the ..." This can go on for the full hour it is on. And this is now a daily occurrence (on a rare occasion when Emma has been sick on a Friday night, we have all snuggled on the couch and watched it), but to watch it so often? It is funny, keeps him fully entertained on days he is not well and it is not porn.

Speaking of which, Clark's oncologist out of the blue last week told Clark that we were not to try and have a baby until chemo and radiation was done unless we wanted a mutant. The thought of trying to get pregnant with Clark undergoing treatment has not even entered our minds and that is why we froze the boys so to speak. And to be frank, while Clark might like to glow after chemo, I would prefer not to.

So no more babies for us for now. Thankfully!

Now we like his doctor but he is a true scientist. His person to person skills are a bit different. His doctor mumbles a lot, goes from plan A to plan C in a flash of an eye and e-mail is not his favorite. First we were told Clark had Stage 4, then a few weeks back it was Stage 2. And now we just do not care since eradicating cancer is his focus and Clark has improved by leaps and bounds.

And if you want to get a hold of Clark during the day do not call between 2-3 pm, he is watching Wife Swap on Lifetime.

Thought provoking

When I write the blog, I want it to be thought provoking. I want people to think about it, think about themselves, think about their relationships, think about their actions, think about change. These are things that Clark and I talk about. Our journey is one of kind for us, as is our emotions. Our strength comes from each other (and God of course) and our problems cannot be buried in the sand. The change in us as individuals is more than evident. We are growing by the day and hope others do as well.

If we have impact or inspire someone, let it be. If someone is angered or hurt, let's talk about. Life is too short and really time is just too precious.

For yesterday's blog I am sorry to my big brother, Diana and my dad. They have been our biggest supporters. A call or an e-mail and they are at our door no questions and no demands. They are our trustees in more than one way. The blog was not about them.

And really if you see yourself in the blog then your life has impacted us in some way and our lives are changed because of it. A little thought provoking you could say...

Today was my birthday.

It was a perfect day to a wonderful week (some would say I was crazy since Clark had chemo on Friday but really the chemo is the poison that is making him better and eventually well).

We did so much this week.

On Tuesday we (Clark, Emma and I) went to the fair with David, Kris and Delilah. Emma and Delilah rode the little kids rides over and over and we ate and ate the fair food. The girls also rode the little ponies. (Thankfully Emma’s picture this year does not include a pony with five legs).

Emma and Delilah hitting it high on the Kangeroo ride.



Thursday was Sonic date night with the Reis’s pieces in Tracy. Clark had seen on the Travel Channel twice how great their hamburgers were and so we went. The hamburgers were delicious and the tater tots even better. What was the most scrupulous was being with the Reis’s pieces. Time as always well spent.

Friday was chemo day for Clark- Never fun but so necessary.

Saturday, my dad came over and watched Emma while I went to the Livermore Moms Club New Membership party with food from Mr. Pickles. All I am going to say was a good time was had by the attendees-tehehe.

Clark rested while the house was quiet (Papa drove Emma to a local park). His side effects this time were nausea. After each chemo he seems to get his energy back quicker and quicker, but frequent naps help as well.

Saturday night. Emma and I went to the JoRaDe informal reunion in Mountain House. Twenty years had passed since I had seen some of my old friends and many moons with the memories of long ago.

Terilynn and I-everyone needs a best friend



Our informal JoRaDe Reunion



Clark’s cancer seemed to be the white elephant in the park for some and they were afraid to mention it. Others asked and it was nice. Clark and I have always felt if we can help one person with our journey then it has been worth it. A dear friend commented to me, “What could be worse than cancer?”

Here was and is my answer. What is worse than cancer? The unknown before diagnosis. The constant pain and suffering Clark endured for months. The inability to move his arm. The emotional darkness that falls when the doctor cannot find the answers. The dark clouds that loom around and the depression that comes. The constant battle within the body and soul. The lack of understanding when help or plans need to be changed.

For example every year we host Christmas. This is something we love to do. However this year, Clark was not well and we asked (for the first time in almost 12 years of marriage) if everyone could chip in and we would get Chinese food. We are about the fellowship of being with family and friends, food is a factor, but the time together is more important.

With the response we got you would have thought the Pacific Ocean had parted to the Hawaiian Islands. There was no understanding. I will never forget some of the e-mails that were passed about. It was even mentioned that someone else’s condition and circumstances should be taken into consideration, and thought about first. I wanted to scream what about my husband (who time and time again has come to the rescue from moving, to giving money, to paying bills, to buying gifts for others, etc.)? His arm had almost lost complete movement with no answers and we were supposed to not only host the Holiday but also then accommodate someone else? Anger was high in the house and there was little forgiveness.

I need to note that my dad, brother and Diana have been more than loving and helpful during this difficult time.

As with everything time moves on and the moments before cancer was named was the worst for our marriage and us.

Cancer in some ways have given us freedom and the ties that were so tightly roped around us are no longer there. God answered our prayers.

Today we decided for Christmas we are going to have tacos. Our boundaries are set, you see, because this is our house and our family- Clark, Emma and I. We might rethink it. We might have turkey, but this is our choice. If you would like to come, let me know, I will add a chair and I might ask you to bring a bottle of wine, a side dish or dessert. We might not have presents or money, or an elaborate meal to give at the Holiday but what we can give you is our time and together we will cherish it.

The moment before cancer was the worst and now again is the freedom of living and loving.

Today is Chemo Day… and I did not go with him.

In the beginning Clark and I spent more time together without Emma at doctors and hospitals since the time she was born. We reconnected our marriage and in many ways ourselves.

However, there comes a time and place when a caregiver has to stop enabling. I think Clark and I are now at that point. In the beginning I went to every appointment and now Clark has his wings back (so to speak) and wants, no needs to do things by himself. I too, need that.

Cancer does change your life and attitude. We are now looking to live at places that were only dreams before and with a little luck and a prayer we may eventually over time move there. Waves on the sand and sunsets on the beach are engrained in both of us and we wonder now why we are in the suburbs when truly the coast (or an island) should be our home and will be one day. Emma on a surfboard would be such a great sight!

While Clark is looking at places, he still is not quite well enough to work yet. And then there is that daily radiation he will have to have once chemo is complete. So it will take time.

Time. We have spent so much time with my family and our friends. Our blessings. Our gifts from God, there are no other words to describe it. I know if Clark, Emma or I were to die tomorrow (God forbid) we will have known what it is to have loved and be loved. What a gift!

And laugh. We have laughed and laughed over the silliest things.

There is life after chemo and radiation, but really there is life now. Love it and live it because it goes by so fast.

Rest in Peace Bette

Yesterday we were informed that a dear old woman named Bette passed away. My dad and her family have been friends for over 35 years. Since my dad was a single dad raising two children, Bette was the first woman to go with me to buy a bikini and a formal dress.

Bette told life like she saw it with no apologizes and with 6 kids there was no sweating the small stuff.

Bette's family stories provided much amusement and laughter. There was and is always something going on. One of the funniest things resulted because of the real estate the family owned and were landlords of. So the bank in Tracy knew her and her family well. One of her sons (who passed away last year) was quite the character and had some eccentric behavior. A few times he would go to make the deposits from the rentals at the bank in the nude. The nude, no clothes on whatsoever. The bank teller would complete the transaction, let the son walk away and then call the police. Really because you cannot have a nude person walking the streets of Tracy, but making a bank transaction in the nude was a complete different story. A sign of the times I guess.

Today as I went over Vasco and saw the Adamson Realty across from McDonald's near the giraffe building, I said a prayer. May God rest your soul Bette Adamson and may your family find peace and comfort during this difficult time.

Cancer Ugly

This is chemo week so Clark is on edge and puts us on edge unintentionally.

Today was cancer ugly. There are no words to describe what Clark goes through on these kind of days. His frustration at his lack of energy and wanting to move forward with life, but having Chester and his cousins still hanging out depletes his emotional state.

His mom complained about being sick last week while coughing up a pack of cigarettes on the phone with Clark and that made him worry so. She's fine apparently just a sinus infection and still smoking but nothing like making a chemo patient worry needlessly (seriously and am about to go there-your son has CANCER! Quit smoking!).

Watching the Tour De France is helpful for Clark since as an avid bike rider before cancer it is encouraging for him to look ahead and at times it can be discouraging. The double edged sword of cancer-never fun. And those of our family and friends who have seen cancer ugly know it is not fun either.

And as a care giver I can never get used to certain things and the anger that is real at times for both him and I. The ups and downs of an illness that cannot be done soon enough.

I love my husband and pray the days that cancer ugly emerges that the time ends quickly and Chester and his cousins go to their own home soon.

The end of a busy week

A week ago, Clark, my Dad, brother, Diana and Emma went to Tilton Park to ride the stream train and the carousel. It was a celebration of a belated Father's Day for my dad and Clark. It was fun and so inexpensive to do. We cannot wait to go back.

A few days later, we had a BBQ with Kevin, Rebbecca and Ian. It will now be referred to the night that Emma's bed broke. I cannot tell the story, but Kevin was mortified and Clark came to the rescue wearing a cape of course (just kidding on the cape)!

Then we had the infamous dinner on Friday as previously mentioned.

Yesterday we went across the Bay and had a BBQ, swam, watched the fire works with my brother and Diana. The weather was perfect. Emma was so tired when we got home we just placed her in bed. About 2am this morning, Emma woke up screaming and crying. It was dark outside and she did not have her PJ's on and her braids were still in her hair. Not good.

Today we were able to rest. None of us took showers until after 2pm. Then I took Emma out front and let her ride her bike.

The beautiful used free bike. One day a few weeks back, Emma and I were driving back from her swim lesson and rounded the corner of our street. There was the "bike" with a free sign on it. I stopped the car and ran back to get it. Converging on me was another mom pushing a kid in a stroller and another mom on a bike going for the same beautiful bike as me. And suddenly this free bike was a hot commodity, but I had it in my hands and Emma was screaming from the car "Mommy a bike, a bike..." What is a mom to do? I just kept running, popped the back of the car open, dropped it in and gunned it to house. I do apologize to the other moms and when we are done with the bike, I too, will put it on the end of the driveway with a "free" sign on it.



Emma on the bike

Emma on the bike

My brother-Uncle Rob and Emma

Ian and Emma in our backyard

Clark and my dad

Emma in braids

A Night of Comedy of Errors

Today after a first for Emma and Delilah (seeing a movie at an actual movie house) and me spending alone time with Kelli, Kelli, Kelli (who I love more each time I spend with her even if she drives a taxi some days and a bus other days); Clark, Emma and I went out with the Mick, Chris and Kylie.

The Sieberts had been meaning to take Clark out for his birthday for sometime, so a reservation was made at a local eatery and away we went. Everything was fine when we were seated and drinks, bread and salad were served promptly. However the orders were not taken for sometime. Then we ordered and we waited and waited and waited. One hour, yes full hour passed, before a manager came over and explained, there was an issue in the kitchen and our order was just now being cooked. However by then our drinks were depeleted and our salad plates were still on the table. Drinks were refreshed and plates cleared while we waited another 30 minutes or so. Emma, our dear child was so good....

The food came finally. I had ordered medium steak and the steak was rare-gross for me!!! And both of the boys had fatty meat. We asked to see a desert menu, which we were promptly told we could only see a menu after Mick was finished eating. Seriously. As if ice cream, cookies, brownies or cake was really something special. The manager came over several times and would just hang out while we were still trying to eat and have a good time. It was either Mick or Clark that finally threatened anyone of us who prolonged the conversation longer than necessary with the manager. It was becoming quite the time. At last the manager came over and comped 3 of out of 6 meals and dessert.

All was fine and dandy, as the bill was being paid, Mick started to laugh and then Chris. Apparently on the remaining meals, a coupon that the Sieberts had that was about to expire was used along with the credit card. What could have been a very expensive meal turned out to not so bad for the Sieberts and at the end, Emma was good and we laughed so hard, tears were falling.

Our night of comedy of errors was incredibly fun!

OMG I joined a gym...

Yes, the heavens parted for just a moment and I joined a no frills woman's gym. I went this morning with Emma (since child care is included in the low cost). I decided to try their Pilates class. Okay I know I am out of shape and I have several motivators in wanting to get back into shape (first and foremost, myself, my husband and child) but really did the instructor have to be a contortionist? The way her body at like 70 years old (okay not that old but close) bended into positions and stayed was incredible. I can only be inspired by that ancient monument of grace. All kidding aside it was great and I want more. Exericse that is.

I have a personal trainer (comes with the membership) who I think I will affectionately call my tormentor. I signed up for this gig of getting back into shape but I know it will be her overbearing presence that will literally guide my sorry butt there.

Eating better comes in as well but it is the soda habit I eventually will need to kick out to the door with my newly harden body.

I was at family story time the other night at our local library and there was a child approximately 4 years drinking a 12 oz. plastic container of Pepsi. It made me sick. Not too long ago Clark and I had watched a special on the Appalachian Mountains near Kentucky and the way of life there. One of things that was talked about was addiction to Mountain Dew by so many families and literally their teeth were falling out because so much is consumed. I will never forgot the pictures of moms putting Mountain Dew in the bottles of their young babies. I joke now that we buy 4 gallons of milk a week for Emma but I would rather have her drink milk than Mountain Dew at 3 years old any day any time of the week.

Sorry for the digression...Anyway I am ready to get into shape rather than be shapely. Clark is also there. He is in physical therapy now to regain movement and he has! Clark actually has riden his bike two times in the last few weeks. It has been incredible to see the actual movement of his arm from almost nothing six months ago to now. Clark has not felt well the last few days but we know this too shall pass...

Many blessings

Many blessings….

Yesterday I was at Costco and ran into an old co-worker from First Deposit/Providian/Washington Mutual/JP Morgan Chase (whatever you want to call the bank now). She was laid off 2 years ago and simplified her life with her husband and two kids. She works at her kid’s school part time and cuts back on everything to survive. Her husband is self-employed but health care is over $1200 and there is no life insurance. She is happy though and more content than when she worked at the bank.

I then think of our blessings. Clark was diagnosed with cancer 4 days before he was laid off from the bank. He received a nice severance package and can collect disability. We were able to keep his life insurance and heath care-all I can say is THANK GOD! I thank God everyday for the government stimulus package bill.

Yep that bill that the government passed to help people out. Our health care is 40% of what it could have been. We saw the bill just for 2 days and it was over $9000 as an outpatient. If we had to pay for full coverage to treat Clark’s cancer, we would deplete our savings and retirement quickly, have to sell our assets and possible lose our home-foreclosure would be a reality- BUT thankfully it is not.

And our friends, family and neighbors-I pray for them everyday. The way they have rallied around us. Every week a meal is delivered and (some weeks those meals are life savers for us). We receive words of encouragement and love with cards, e-mails and hugs. There is nothing we can do to ever repay what we have been given by these wonderful precious individuals, but of course pay it forward to someone else someday.

Our many blessings are mounted so high…

Thank you God!