Today was my birthday.

It was a perfect day to a wonderful week (some would say I was crazy since Clark had chemo on Friday but really the chemo is the poison that is making him better and eventually well).

We did so much this week.

On Tuesday we (Clark, Emma and I) went to the fair with David, Kris and Delilah. Emma and Delilah rode the little kids rides over and over and we ate and ate the fair food. The girls also rode the little ponies. (Thankfully Emma’s picture this year does not include a pony with five legs).

Emma and Delilah hitting it high on the Kangeroo ride.



Thursday was Sonic date night with the Reis’s pieces in Tracy. Clark had seen on the Travel Channel twice how great their hamburgers were and so we went. The hamburgers were delicious and the tater tots even better. What was the most scrupulous was being with the Reis’s pieces. Time as always well spent.

Friday was chemo day for Clark- Never fun but so necessary.

Saturday, my dad came over and watched Emma while I went to the Livermore Moms Club New Membership party with food from Mr. Pickles. All I am going to say was a good time was had by the attendees-tehehe.

Clark rested while the house was quiet (Papa drove Emma to a local park). His side effects this time were nausea. After each chemo he seems to get his energy back quicker and quicker, but frequent naps help as well.

Saturday night. Emma and I went to the JoRaDe informal reunion in Mountain House. Twenty years had passed since I had seen some of my old friends and many moons with the memories of long ago.

Terilynn and I-everyone needs a best friend



Our informal JoRaDe Reunion



Clark’s cancer seemed to be the white elephant in the park for some and they were afraid to mention it. Others asked and it was nice. Clark and I have always felt if we can help one person with our journey then it has been worth it. A dear friend commented to me, “What could be worse than cancer?”

Here was and is my answer. What is worse than cancer? The unknown before diagnosis. The constant pain and suffering Clark endured for months. The inability to move his arm. The emotional darkness that falls when the doctor cannot find the answers. The dark clouds that loom around and the depression that comes. The constant battle within the body and soul. The lack of understanding when help or plans need to be changed.

For example every year we host Christmas. This is something we love to do. However this year, Clark was not well and we asked (for the first time in almost 12 years of marriage) if everyone could chip in and we would get Chinese food. We are about the fellowship of being with family and friends, food is a factor, but the time together is more important.

With the response we got you would have thought the Pacific Ocean had parted to the Hawaiian Islands. There was no understanding. I will never forget some of the e-mails that were passed about. It was even mentioned that someone else’s condition and circumstances should be taken into consideration, and thought about first. I wanted to scream what about my husband (who time and time again has come to the rescue from moving, to giving money, to paying bills, to buying gifts for others, etc.)? His arm had almost lost complete movement with no answers and we were supposed to not only host the Holiday but also then accommodate someone else? Anger was high in the house and there was little forgiveness.

I need to note that my dad, brother and Diana have been more than loving and helpful during this difficult time.

As with everything time moves on and the moments before cancer was named was the worst for our marriage and us.

Cancer in some ways have given us freedom and the ties that were so tightly roped around us are no longer there. God answered our prayers.

Today we decided for Christmas we are going to have tacos. Our boundaries are set, you see, because this is our house and our family- Clark, Emma and I. We might rethink it. We might have turkey, but this is our choice. If you would like to come, let me know, I will add a chair and I might ask you to bring a bottle of wine, a side dish or dessert. We might not have presents or money, or an elaborate meal to give at the Holiday but what we can give you is our time and together we will cherish it.

The moment before cancer was the worst and now again is the freedom of living and loving.